DH ruined my lunch.

[TwigletsAndRadishes]

AIBU? I don't know why I am asking really, I know I am not. I need to vent.

Bought two of those plastic trays of mixed salad from the self service salad bar at Morrisons. All sorts in them. A curried rice thing, a pesto pasta, grated cheese, lettuce/tomato/cucumber, coleslaw, beetroot salad, hard boiled eggs, potato salad, some sort of couscous thing. I did my best to place each different spoonful of stuff into its own corner of the tray with something else layered on top, like lettuce or tomato, or hard boiled egg, so it wouldn't be too much of a mixed up mush and it would still be possible (ish) to separate the different elements onto a plate at home. Ok, so it was never going to be easy/perfect, but not completely impossible.

DH asked if he should dish up lunch. I said yes, if you like.

I came in to find that he's tipped both trays of salad into one huge bowl and mixed the entire lot up so it looked like pigswill. WTF? Why would you even do that? It looked the scrapings off people's plates after they'd finished eating.

I was just incredulous and so exasperated. I said 'what the hell did you do that for? What on earth were you thinking? That's going to be disgusting.'

He was then furious at me for being furious at him. Apparently it was just too difficult to separate the different salads so he had 'no choice' but mix it all together and he just knew I'd moan about it, because I moan about everything. And I shouldn't have asked him to dish up (I didn't) if I don't like the way he does things and I can do everything myself in future because all I ever do is criticise and never say anything positive to anyone.

So he knew I'd moan, but he did it anyway?

He sat there pretending to enjoy his dog's dinner of coleslaw mixed with curried rice, grated cheese, pesto pasta and beetroot with soggy bits of lettuce in it and I took two mouthfuls and felt faintly sick. I don't have sensory issues, I'm not a fussy eater and I am not the type who can't have different foods touching on the plate, but even I have my limits.

I had a tin of soup instead. I am not being unreasonable am I?

Why thank you ☺️

Thats exactly what I threatened DH with when he toasted a scone

Oh god it’s Christmas in 5 days, get OVER it. You could have rolled your eyes and said ugh gross I’m having a sandwich, do you want one dickhead? Had a good laugh and chucked the salad in the bin. Yes it was stupid, but Christ, let’s pick our battles

Absolutely spot on, you really do have to feel sorry for some of the men on here they can’t do right for doing wrong.
You could easily have laughed about it OP instead of turning it into such a drama, are you always like that over everything!

Why should she laugh when he ruined her lunch, and KNEW he was doing it? What's funny about it?

Weaponised incompetence. Honestly, it seems like a 'small' thing but the whole situation just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. He could see that you were dishing food up separately, so why would he not try to accommodate your needs? Fine if he wants everything mixed up together, but that's obviously not what you wanted. Furthermore, totally dismissing your feelings on the topic - saying he 'knew you'd moan'. That's no way to speak to a partner.

Doesn't sound like she turned it into a drama at all. It would be one thing if he mixed everything together, she said 'that's horrible why did you do that', and he responded with a genuinely embarrassed 'sorry for ruining your lunch, I didn't mean to, I just thought this would be easier'. But that wasn't his response - his response was to try to make her feel small and humiliated. The issue isn't with him mixing the salads together, it's with the way he treated her.

Does he not know the difference between a scone, a muffin and a teacake? This is the sort of fuckwittery I mean. It's just not on, is it?

I feel the need to add the disclaimer that I am being faux outraged in the name of light heartedness, because some of the most recent posters seem to be missing whatever gene it is that detects that without being expressly told it.

Nothing in any of your original post of subsequent posts indicated you are 'faux outrafed'. Indeed, you sounded extremely pissed off.
Sounds like you are backtracking by blaming PPS for not getting your 'humour'.

He IS from Forrin to be fair but he's been here long enough to know better

I was pissed off. There was no faux outrage in the OP. That was genuine. Not outrage, but definitely annoyance and bewilderment.

I meant my more recent post describing people as neanderthals and saying it was an act of numbskullery and ineptitude. Getting on my high horse again, when the reality is that it was days ago and I'm over it.

That poster who said it all gets mixed up in your stomach anyway set me off again with such a ridiculous comment.

Ah, fair enough then. He can't be expected to be versed in the finer nuances of British bakery items. I'd probably be the same if I was Forrin somewhere. I once watched someone Forrin stir some mayonnaise into Heinz baked beans at my dinner table. My eyebrows disappeared up into my hairline but I managed not to call them a filthy heathen.

Unlike the deeply unpleasant comments you let loose on your husband.

If he is so sub-par, why don’t you at least let him free to try to make a life with someone whom he can make happy. He obviously doesn’t make you happy.

You may think I am being dramatic, but actually being straight up: if he is so shit, what’s in it for you to still be there?

Stupid thing for him to do but your reaction was over the top. You were using the opposite of the type of statements a relationship counsellor would tell you to use and that drove a ridiculous response from him. You’ll just end up resenting each other in a bad relationship.

If you wanted it done in a certain way you should have done it yourself … what a load of messing about for a crappy Morrisons salad!

How could he see that she was dishing up food separately when she'd brought it all together in a box? She even said herself once it's in there it's hard to separate it! It was a mixed salad bowl from Morrisons!

I totally agree! The op is not "faux outraged" because if she was she wouldn't have been so aggressive with commenters

No he didn’t know he had ruined it

’he just knew I'd moan about it, because I moan about everything.’

According to that nothing he does is right, he emptied two cartons into a bowl as asked, OP obviously over reacted and caused an argument, simples.

Yeah it's not a first world problem but he sounds like an absolute dick. I wouldn't be happy and I agree with people saying that he doesn't like you very much. 100% weaponised incompetence!

YABVU - are you for real?

She may have overreacted a bit, but fundamentally her DH was really stupid and did ruin the food.

Sensory overload that would be for me 😂 YANBU I would flip my lid. I swear to god every time they do something thinking they are hero’s it’s always wrong

Meh, it all goes to make a turd