Would you cancel Christmas over this?

[Confusedmama21]

I'm due to host Christmas day at mine for me and all my siblings, including their children. Things have been very strained between particularly 1 dsis, who excluded my DH from a family event and has not apologised. There are other things as well but that is just one example. I was willing to move on from that all and just enjoy spending the day together as this would be the first Christmas we have the space to facilitate us all getting together, and I thought it would be a nice time for the kids. However I've now found out from my dsis I am closest with, that my two other siblings have been speaking badly about my unborn child and my choice to continue my pregnancy. As I said before, the issues I had before I can get over, but this just feels like a final straw to me.

All my life I've taken on people's bs and never stood up for myself. I want to cancel Christmas day out of principle but feel backed into a corner because I know it will upset them a week away and add fuel to the fire for them to talk further rubbish about me.

So do I A.) put up with it, host for everyone and put myself out there for everyone meaning not putting myself first or applying healthy boundaries

Or

B.) cancel Christmas, give them more ignition to chat rubbish about me and upset everyone.

Thanks.

Why did they exclude your DH? Whats their problem with you continuing a pregnancy?

It's better to cancel now than have Christmas Day turn into Eastenders on speed, because given this level of ill feeling that is possible.

As far as them talking badly of you because of it, well, they're doing that anyway, aren't they?

When you say they're speaking badly about your unborn child, is it our of concern for your health, or are they just unpleasant people?

Sounds like the day has a lot of potential to be quite incendiary and Christmas shouldn't be an endurance test.

Make a decision today and that way people have a week’s (ish) notice to sort themselves out.

I think more details would be useful.

Why did sister exclude DH? What from? Do they have good reason to dislike him?

Why do they have a view on your pregnancy? Has your relationship been turbulent?

Unfortunately op it sounds like you can't win and even if you host they will be using what you say as ammunition.
Are you wealthier?
It sounds like they are ganging up on you?

But Christmas Brighton has some perceptive and pertinent questions there!

"However I've now found out from my dsis I am closest with, that my two other siblings have been speaking badly about my unborn child and my choice to continue my pregnancy"

Is it true though, or were they perhaps expressing concern. If someone tells you something that really upsets you, look at the person who is telling you and their reasons for telling you.

I hope it works out well for you, the issues are a lot bigger than Christmas.

If you were the OW and got pregnant during an affair. Or regularly moan about your relationship or have a partner everyone knows treats you badly then that's one thing.

But if they don't like your DH because he is a different race or religion that's quite another so you need to give more info.

However,if they did have an issue they shouldn't have accepted in the first place

Really not enough information for anyone on here to say. Why was your DH excluded? And maybe you are having a baby in difficult circumstances? And why is your other sister stirring the pot?

Life is too short to spend Christmas day hosting people in your own home that you don't want there. Reading threads like this makes me realise that people need to be a little bit more selfish and ruthless.

You hosting them isn't going to make them treat you better OP, so have the Christmas that you want not the one you feel obliged to provide others.

Cancel Christmas. You have the perfect excuse to say that you have fatigue/sickness/whatever from the pregnancy and need to spend the day quietly recuperating and are extremely sorry that you cannot host a big do this year.

Why did your sister exclude your dh? Is she prone to unwarranted bitchy behaviour or has your dh done something to upset her?

Either way, I wouldn't entertain any of this bullshit in my house at christmas. The things people put up with are astonishing.

I don't know why DH got excluded from a family meal. The context was that it was dsis adult child's birthday. My nephew had no issues with my partner being at his birthday meal, however my sister made it very clear he wasn't to come and refused to put him in the booking. Everyone else has their partners there. She claims she harbours no I'll feelings towards him and dh as done alot for her in terms of watching her children and babysitting with me. We suspect it was because we refused to babysit once, or because she wanted DH to do some work for her but didn't want to pay him despite it being discounted. My sister is just a very petty person who holds grudges.

No we aren't wealthy!!! Which is part of the reason as to why the spoke badly about my pregnancy. I wouldn't necessarily say it was them airing concerns, as wouldn't that be done to my face? Instead they called up my other dsis and questioned why I am going ahead with my pregnancy given my financial limitations ect. It was a shock to me as to my face they were very supportive and happy.

My sister's aren't horrible people, but they love to bitch and gossip. Unfortunately, maybe because I am the youngest and out of the loop, I am the easiest target. I'm just over feeling like a doormat to people. Even trying to organise this has not been easy. For example, I asked if they would be comfortable putting in a donation of what ever they could afford, keeping in mind we are hosting for their families (of 5) we have a baby on the way and they know we are stretched for money. Instead of simply saying yes or no they decided to attack me for asking. Questioning why I bothered to host in the first place if I was going to charge, telling me their friends would never do that to them and they expect it to be free. It just came across very ungrateful and typical of my family that they can't just be cooperative and instead need to bitch and moan.

Why do people feel the need to have people round in their home when they don’t really want to just because it’s Christmas? I dont get it, presumably you wouldn’t do it at any other time of year. Life is really too short to put yourself out, host, feed, etc people who don’t care enough about you not to bitch about you behind your back. They will happily take your time, your food, your drink, etc if you let them op. If it was me I would cancel and have a nice time with my family.

i get you're not flush with money, but there is absolutely no way i would EVER charge my family for me to host dinner.

If you can't afford it, don't do it.

Just cancel it OP. Be completely done with this shit. And never offer again.

Yabu to spend family money (yours and dh's) on hosting rude people.. Family or not. Put your dh's feelings above the rude buggars and they can have Christmas without you... Bet you have a fab time. Switch off your phone on Christmas eve..

Oh just tell them they can celebrate Christmas elsewhere. There's plenty of time for them to buy food. Honestly, tell them now that it's cancelled and have a lovely peaceful Christmas. They've behaved really badly.

Cancel cancel cancel

They can all go to hell in a hand cart while you enjoy a relaxed Christmas with your dh and dc.

Bugger them all
Op

Just because they're blood doesn't make it ok

I would cancel. I would tell them that as per my previous request you can't afford to pay for everything and as they are unwilling to chip in, you have to cancel.
They will now have to pay for their own Christmas lunches.
If they are going to bitch about you behind your back, you might as well give them something to bitch about,

Say you're not feeling well and due to their bad attitude towards your pregnancy and your husband, you need a peaceful Christmas without them around.

I would cancel. They sound a bitchy toxic bunch. Doesn't sound like you have much to lose. It might make them take a long hard look at themselves (although unlikely).

I don't really agree. What kind of a person goes to someone's house for a feast without much thought as to the cost of it? My sibling is hosting christmas. Didn't ask anyone for money. I have given money voluntarily as I do not take my entire family to someone's house and expect them to provide a big celebratory day including 2 meals for free. Unless they are substantially richer than me and can easily provide the food and are happy to do so.

Cancel. Have a lovely Xmas with your dear partner. Or see his family.

Use your pregnancy as sa excuse. Too tired. Too much morning sickness, whatever.

From your update yeah, life’s too short to bend over backwards in the painful search of a “family Christmas”. Your sisters don’t seem to like you, make you feel excluded and uncomfortable and frankly will always find something to bash you over the head with. It’s up to you if you want to keep trying to burn yourself in the hope you’ll end up with the sisterly relationship you WISH you had, rather than accept your relationship for what it is.

Do not host Christmas for these petty, mean, nasty and cheap individuals!

There's no way I'd let a family member pay for everything for a very large and expensive meal. You shouldn't have to ask people to contribute, they should be offering.

If you can't afford to contribute, don't go