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Original poster

Would you cancel Christmas over this?

149 replies

Confusedmama21 · 16/12/2024 12:18

I'm due to host Christmas day at mine for me and all my siblings, including their children. Things have been very strained between particularly 1 dsis, who excluded my DH from a family event and has not apologised. There are other things as well but that is just one example. I was willing to move on from that all and just enjoy spending the day together as this would be the first Christmas we have the space to facilitate us all getting together, and I thought it would be a nice time for the kids. However I've now found out from my dsis I am closest with, that my two other siblings have been speaking badly about my unborn child and my choice to continue my pregnancy. As I said before, the issues I had before I can get over, but this just feels like a final straw to me.

All my life I've taken on people's bs and never stood up for myself. I want to cancel Christmas day out of principle but feel backed into a corner because I know it will upset them a week away and add fuel to the fire for them to talk further rubbish about me.

So do I A.) put up with it, host for everyone and put myself out there for everyone meaning not putting myself first or applying healthy boundaries

Or

B.) cancel Christmas, give them more ignition to chat rubbish about me and upset everyone.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Lighteningstrikes · 16/12/2024 14:04

I would host it and lead by excellent example. I’m not underestimating how hard that would be, but I would do grit my teeth, smile and do it.

It is after all for the children, and I wouldn’t want to ruin it for them.

However, if after that, they continued to backstab (some people just do, it’s in their nature), I would quietly pick and choose what I attended, because I wouldn’t want my DCs to miss out on seeing their cousins.

WaltzingWaters · 16/12/2024 14:05

MilitantFawcett · 16/12/2024 12:54

There you go then! “After taking onboard your concerns about our financial situation with DC2 on the way, we have realised we are no longer able to host this Xmas. All the best, Confused”

Show quote history

Perfect!

Don’t waste your money and Christmas time with toxic people.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 16/12/2024 14:05

Ask them how it's OK to share a table with your dh when it suits them....

Anewnamejustforthis · 16/12/2024 14:07

Imagine it's Christmas morning. You wake up and remember that:

A) You've got to spend the day cooking for a load of spiteful back-stabby people
B) You've got the whole day with the people you love and who treat you best

Which one is the day you really want to wake up to @Confusedmama21 ? Do that.

MyDeftDuck · 16/12/2024 14:09

Uninvited them all and have a Christmas with just you and your OH and any children tat you have - sorted!

Bachboo · 16/12/2024 14:10

Manara · 16/12/2024 13:56

Let's support her, she has been take advantage of for years by her sisters.

Show quote history

Even more reason to do it

caringcarer · 16/12/2024 14:14

TenderChicken · 16/12/2024 12:31

Really not enough information for anyone on here to say. Why was your DH excluded? And maybe you are having a baby in difficult circumstances? And why is your other sister stirring the pot?

This. Only you know if your DH was excluded for a good reason or not. No idea why they'd be spiteful about an unborn baby though. Your baby your choice.

SpryCat · 16/12/2024 14:14

Sorry to disappoint you all, but due to you all being cunts we will not be hosting you for Christmas

Manara · 16/12/2024 14:15

caringcarer · 16/12/2024 14:14

This. Only you know if your DH was excluded for a good reason or not. No idea why they'd be spiteful about an unborn baby though. Your baby your choice.

Show quote history

OP has explained about DH, he wasn’t invited because he didn’t do free work for them.

caringcarer · 16/12/2024 14:16

It doesn't sound like it will be a very merry Xmas if they come. Maybe cancel now giving them plenty of time to get a turkey. Don't leave it until Xmas Eve to cancel.

aCatCalledFawkes · 16/12/2024 14:17

I would never cancel Christmas, I would however cancel your family. rethink your plans and decide what you want to do.

As for contributing, surely asking people to get dessert, peel sprouts or bring crackers is more normal as long with a bottle to add to the collection.

Jostuki · 16/12/2024 14:18

Cancel. Your husband was excluded and no reason given. Don't let these people into your home.

Also the one who told you that your pregnancy was the subject of negative gossip is a shit stirrer.

Lunde · 16/12/2024 14:18

Confusedmama21 · 16/12/2024 12:41

I don't know why DH got excluded from a family meal. The context was that it was dsis adult child's birthday. My nephew had no issues with my partner being at his birthday meal, however my sister made it very clear he wasn't to come and refused to put him in the booking. Everyone else has their partners there. She claims she harbours no I'll feelings towards him and dh as done alot for her in terms of watching her children and babysitting with me. We suspect it was because we refused to babysit once, or because she wanted DH to do some work for her but didn't want to pay him despite it being discounted. My sister is just a very petty person who holds grudges.

No we aren't wealthy!!! Which is part of the reason as to why the spoke badly about my pregnancy. I wouldn't necessarily say it was them airing concerns, as wouldn't that be done to my face? Instead they called up my other dsis and questioned why I am going ahead with my pregnancy given my financial limitations ect. It was a shock to me as to my face they were very supportive and happy.

My sister's aren't horrible people, but they love to bitch and gossip. Unfortunately, maybe because I am the youngest and out of the loop, I am the easiest target. I'm just over feeling like a doormat to people. Even trying to organise this has not been easy. For example, I asked if they would be comfortable putting in a donation of what ever they could afford, keeping in mind we are hosting for their families (of 5) we have a baby on the way and they know we are stretched for money. Instead of simply saying yes or no they decided to attack me for asking. Questioning why I bothered to host in the first place if I was going to charge, telling me their friends would never do that to them and they expect it to be free. It just came across very ungrateful and typical of my family that they can't just be cooperative and instead need to bitch and moan.

Edited

Wow - they have a nerve - the bitch about you behind your back for your "financial limitations" and then whine that you ask for a contribution to the huge costs of hosting Christmas ... Just cancel - no good can come of hosting these backstabbing freeloaders

Just message them and say that you have been thinking things over and have decided to put the money, that you would have spent hosting Christmas, away for your family.

charlieinthehaystack · 16/12/2024 14:21

couple glasses of wine and it will kick off; every grudge they have will be well aired so no i would cancel the get together. if they want to visit limit it and spread them out so they cannot confer together. Anyway just have a lovely day in your own home your new home with DH and any children you have at the moment. save your money for new baby and dont waste it on this lot

rubberduck68 · 16/12/2024 14:22

They think you can't afford a child but they're happy for you to provide a feast for what must be more than ten people? Nah... They have a week to order/buy their own turkey. I'd say this, "I hear that there are concerns about our financial situation. Thanks for that, we think you are right, so have decided not to host Christmas for X people, and will only be buying Christmas gifts for the children this year." With bells on!!

stopringingme · 16/12/2024 14:25

Confusedmama21 · 16/12/2024 12:41

I don't know why DH got excluded from a family meal. The context was that it was dsis adult child's birthday. My nephew had no issues with my partner being at his birthday meal, however my sister made it very clear he wasn't to come and refused to put him in the booking. Everyone else has their partners there. She claims she harbours no I'll feelings towards him and dh as done alot for her in terms of watching her children and babysitting with me. We suspect it was because we refused to babysit once, or because she wanted DH to do some work for her but didn't want to pay him despite it being discounted. My sister is just a very petty person who holds grudges.

No we aren't wealthy!!! Which is part of the reason as to why the spoke badly about my pregnancy. I wouldn't necessarily say it was them airing concerns, as wouldn't that be done to my face? Instead they called up my other dsis and questioned why I am going ahead with my pregnancy given my financial limitations ect. It was a shock to me as to my face they were very supportive and happy.

My sister's aren't horrible people, but they love to bitch and gossip. Unfortunately, maybe because I am the youngest and out of the loop, I am the easiest target. I'm just over feeling like a doormat to people. Even trying to organise this has not been easy. For example, I asked if they would be comfortable putting in a donation of what ever they could afford, keeping in mind we are hosting for their families (of 5) we have a baby on the way and they know we are stretched for money. Instead of simply saying yes or no they decided to attack me for asking. Questioning why I bothered to host in the first place if I was going to charge, telling me their friends would never do that to them and they expect it to be free. It just came across very ungrateful and typical of my family that they can't just be cooperative and instead need to bitch and moan.

Edited

I would definitely cancel and have a lovely, peaceful Christmas.

You could speak to your sister you get on with, and if she is willing to help with costs, invite her.

The others can sort themselves out.

It seems they will talk about you whatever you do, so there is no point getting more anxious is the run up, just message them and cancel, they still have plenty of time to shop or make other arrangements.

Put yourselves first, why should you be uncomfortable in your own home.

Allergictoironing · 16/12/2024 14:26

To those saying why did OP offer to host if short of money, she said she is DUE to host. I immediately assumed it is her turn, rather than an invitation from her to them?

GretchenWienersHair · 16/12/2024 14:28

Having read your update, I absolutely would not be hosting.

Rowen32 · 16/12/2024 14:31

I would absolutely cancel.
Also, they are horrible people.

GivingitToGod · 16/12/2024 14:32

MounjaroOnMyMind · 16/12/2024 12:47

Say you're not feeling well and due to their bad attitude towards your pregnancy and your husband, you need a peaceful Christmas without them around.

THIS

CherryBlossom321 · 16/12/2024 14:33

“My sister’s aren’t horrible people, but they love to bitch and gossip.” Read that again, OP. And again and again; however many times it takes for reality to sink in. And then stop engaging for your own well being.

GoldExpert · 16/12/2024 14:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DarkAether · 16/12/2024 14:40

@Confusedmama21 Personally, abort

MadmansLibrary · 16/12/2024 14:57

I'd cancel without a single shred of regret.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/12/2024 14:57

moose62 · 16/12/2024 12:46

I would cancel. I would tell them that as per my previous request you can't afford to pay for everything and as they are unwilling to chip in, you have to cancel.
They will now have to pay for their own Christmas lunches.
If they are going to bitch about you behind your back, you might as well give them something to bitch about,

This. I would be completely explicit. I would claim covid or any other excuse and I would not for a second entertain the idea that you would reconsider if they pass you a paltry £5.

I would add a bit though.

Following my request for some financial contribution towards hosting Christmas which has been declined, DH and I have decided to cancel and give you enough time to make other arrangements. I understand a number of you have concerns about our ability to support another child so I found your unwillingness to contribute even more inexplicable [tempting to say selfish but lets not blow everything out of the water]
Have a good Christmas.