Our cousins took our inheritance and gave it to their mother, I feel I can't carry on acting as if nothing has happened

[NeshButUpNorth]

My deceased mother had brothers and a sister. One deceased brother and the surviving sister (i.e. our aunt) had kids. We used to go on shared holidays twice a year with our aunt's kids, we've always got on well.

Our bachelor uncle died 2 years ago, with no will. When we were chatting a few months later, my aunt's eldest told me that they were going to try to "so what my uncle would have wanted". I assumed my cousin would contact me and my sister in the future to discuss this, since they would need us to sign off anything that would change the legally defined distribution (which is 1/6 each to me and my sister), since it would be a criminal offence to do otherwise, which my cousin must know, since their spouse is a director of a legal company.

A few months after my uncle died, my sister was diagnosed with incurable cancer, with months, possibly a year or two to live. She had to go on sick leave for the chemo and radiation treatment, etc. After 6 months, her sick pay dropped to 50%, and after a year was due to end. She asked me what was happening with our uncle's estate, this being around 18 months after he died, with the house sold 6 months previously. I had received no updates, so she sent a facebook message to our cousin who was dealing with the estate, asking for an update and she described her health/finance situation. To our surprise, our cousin told us that they had given all the money to my aunt, rather than the 1/3 share the law defined.

I was baffled why they'd do this without getting legal documents with our consent first. Before I had a chance to form any further opinion, my cousins blocked my sister on messenger and unfriended her on Facebook. I assume that they think that she has done something so awful that she should be shunned and disowned.

Since then, my sister has had no birthday cards from them or my aunt, and no Christmas cards so far, whereas they've carried on liking my family updates on facebook, and have sent me cheery Christmas cards which arrived a couple of days ago. My sister is dwelling on the idea that they've lied on the probate forms, pretending that our mother never existed.

I just feel queasy and sick about it, how can I carry on as normal with them, or visit them at Christmas, even though my sister has told me she doesn't want this to oblige me to distance myself.
I want to explain to them how upsetting this has been, I've lost lots of sleep over this over the past few months, but now Christmas is coming, I feel I should say something, surely if I don't it will look like tacit agreement that I agree with their actions.

I was thinking of writing to my cousin, telling them how unhappy and sad this makes me feel. I feel that they have been so unfair in acting as if my sister has done something wrong, whereas they did not tell us what they planned (hence us having to ask for an update), whereas they have in fact committed a criminal offence (which I might not highlight). I had been wishfully imagining that my aunt might be unaware of all this, but then when I woke up too early again today fretting about this, I realised that if she hasn't sent my sister a Christmas card, then she must know all about it.

Initially I had been thinking for months to send a letter explaining how I feel to my cousin. Then after realising that my aunt must know about this, I've been trying to write a letter to send to my aunt this morning, to send with a Christmas card, since she asked how we are in the card she sent to me.
Surely that's the best option. Then I felt ill writing it, then decided to ask for advice here.

I definitely can't just carry on as normal, and I don't think I can say nothing.

Have you contacted the court?

They can compel the admistrator to comply with the rules of intestacy.

no, I need to talk to my sister again about this, she didn't seem keen to sue, but I should discuss it again I think

You shouldn't talk to the cousins about this but you should instruct the solicitor to take it further. What a bloody cheek they have.

THIS is why it's crucial for anyone with property to leave a will, properly drawn up and witnessed.

So they've clearly lied about the existence of your mum.

What despicable people. Please follow this up OP and get the money for yourself and your sister. As others have said, if your uncle genuinely wanted this outcome, he'd have made a will stating it. He didn't. And your greedy cousin and spouse have not only made sure the money will eventually come to them, but they've actually had the gall to cut off your terminally ill sister because she dared ask about it. Awful, awful people.

You need to protect your sister now. The right thing to do is to get the money that is rightfully yours. These arseholes clearly expect you just to meekly roll over (and tbh it looks like they're not wrong about that). Don't let them!

It's this type of dithering that's probably made them feel empowered to divide it as they saw fit and bit how they should have.

Be direct- ask where your and sisters share is ? And if they ignore or reply that it's gone elsewhere- engage a solicitor to wrote the initial letter and that should be enough to scare them to put it right. Do it before they tie the money up elsewhere. Tbh OP I can't believe you've left your poor sister whose already suffering so much having to wait if that was my sibling and she was struggling so much to ask I wouldn't be caring about what my aunt thought right now if they've effectively stolen from my dying sibling!

'Your estate is divided equally between the nearest equal relationship - so that will the the sister. Look it up - I was in law'

Were you the tea lady @NavyTurtle ?

This is also something very important to consider, but which is often overlooked, when it comes to inheritance: anything (whether of financial or just sentimental value) that goes to one person will almost certainly then eventually pass to their children.

It may seem 'obvious' that the single surviving sibling was the closest to the deceased person, and so should get it all; but although it may be tacitly understood that, when they die, it will then all be split equally between all of the family of the next generation down - all of the originally-deceased person's nieces and nephews or grandchildren - but this virtually never happens in reality. This is one major reason why the intestacy law is set up as it is.

To add: going on how they've conducted things, I'm confident that the cousins will have been well aware of this all along. However much they may insist that it should all have gone to their mother, as his only surviving sibling, without a doubt, they will have been reckoning on it ending up with them after her death.

Why the hell are you bothered about a possible reconciliation with these people, or thinking about going to see them next week, when they have - to put it bluntly - fucked you both over? They don't give a shit about you and your sister.

Please book an appointment to see a solicitor.

Is this the spouse that works for a legal firm?

what do they do? Are they someone whose job/career will be massively impacted by committing fraud?

If so I’d write to both of the administrators reminding them of their personal liability to distribute the estate within the intestacy laws and give them 7/14/28 days to do so or you’ll be forced to go down legal routes.

Now, even if you don’t intend to go down the legal route this is a free way to remind them that you know they’ve broken the law, you know they are personally responsible and you could sue.

I had to do this and the realisation that their carer would be fucked saw the money land in my account very quickly!

Ultimately OP, you need to decide whether to sue the executor for your share of the estate, or let it go.

Personally I would sue them for it, but then I never let anything go.

I think your relationship is dead either way.

The process isn't about suing. That would be a private action.

Think of the probate court as more like a government dept with legal powers to compel the admistrator to act according to the rules, and to order the admistrators to compensate you where the estate has been distributed incorrectly.

Give them a ring and find out what they can do. You probably don't have to pay.

Would you be prepared to hand over your share of the inheritance to your struggling sister? I'm just asking because that might put you on a better moral footing to fight this on her behalf.

Then I'd send a letter to cousin and aunt, and also ring them saying "I gather from DSis that all of Uncle X's estate has been given to Aunt. As you must know, that is not the correct legal position. If you had asked me and my sister to formally relinquish our share on the basis that it's what uncle X would have wanted then we would have considered it. But instead you have ignored us and written our DMum out of history. In addition, DSis's illness has left her in a financially difficult position and she now really needs her share of the inheritance [and mine as well which I will hand over to her / optional].

If you are not prepared to distribute Uncle X's estate in accordance with the law I'm afraid we will have to seek legal assistance."

You are clearly a non confrontational type of person. Why would you even consider a relationship when they have created your dsis so poorly? You both had a right to be consulted before they just gave your share to the aunt. I would absolutely pursue this legally.

You need to take legal action sooner rather than later as there are limitations probably.

If the money is spent it would be hard to obtain even if the court rules in your favour, depending on what wealth they have & whether they’ve spent it.

They will put their own spiel on it - that their Mother looked after you Grandmother or she spoke of writing you all out, if there’s a a story they’ll be spinning it.

In terms of your sister being shunned, you’re next, if you mention this will.

Keep in kind that even if you’d stayed friendly it would be never anything beyond a fluffy and small talk relationship. These people don’t have integrity nor do they truly care about you.

Your priority is yourself and your family and your dear sister. Life is short and people will say this money doesn’t matter but it does because money buys time and energy and memories, health longevity and education. It would make your sisters life easier.

I think you should lawyer up depending on the amount and take them to court.

"Look it up - I was in law."

But clearly not in England or Wales where the OP lives

Courts and Tribunals Service Centre
[email protected]
Telephone: 0300 303 0648
Monday to Friday, 9am to 1pm

In that case, it's clear that the law has been broken. The aunt is only one next of kin, since your uncle had more than one sibling.

I would absolutely follow this up legally. Previous posters are correct, your relationship is dead regardless.

DH had similar happen to him when his grandmother died. Dh’s dad had previously died so he should have inherited his dad’s share (there was actually a will). But grandma had been doing something with the aunt (dh’s aunt) where grandma was giving aunt 10k a year for years for “safekeeping” on the understanding it would be split after she died. Of course aunt kept the lot and there was nothing in writing so nothing we could do. DH doesn’t have a relationship with his aunt or cousins anymore but in my mind it’s no loss as they’re total scum. Who steals off their dead siblings kids?

Hopefully you weren’t in probate because this is incorrect.

To be fair to these despicable people, they may not have necessarily lied about the existence of OP's Mum, IF they cited their own mother as next of kin.

Next of kin can be a slightly woolly term, legally speaking, but it is generally understood to refer to a living member of the family - so I don't think it's necessarily wrong to say that she is the NoK.

This isn't just about next of kin, though; it's about legally-prescribed inheritance rights - the two are frequently not the same.

I’m a bit confused as to why the sister wouldn’t be the NOK as my father in law was in the exact same situation recently. His sister died a spinster with no children. She’d never made a will and her estate has passed to him. How is that any different?

IMO the OP should not state that she is willing to hand over her share to anyone else, not even her sister. This will just muddy the waters when dealing with her crooked relatives.

You might tell them how saddened and shocked you are about how they are being so dishonest in the execution of the will. Especially in effectively stealing from your sister who has cancer.

If they applied for the grant online they will have filled out a form and lied about other relatives. If their solicitor applied for the grant they will have lied to the solicitor.