Our cousins took our inheritance and gave it to their mother, I feel I can't carry on acting as if nothing has happened

[NeshButUpNorth]

My deceased mother had brothers and a sister. One deceased brother and the surviving sister (i.e. our aunt) had kids. We used to go on shared holidays twice a year with our aunt's kids, we've always got on well.

Our bachelor uncle died 2 years ago, with no will. When we were chatting a few months later, my aunt's eldest told me that they were going to try to "so what my uncle would have wanted". I assumed my cousin would contact me and my sister in the future to discuss this, since they would need us to sign off anything that would change the legally defined distribution (which is 1/6 each to me and my sister), since it would be a criminal offence to do otherwise, which my cousin must know, since their spouse is a director of a legal company.

A few months after my uncle died, my sister was diagnosed with incurable cancer, with months, possibly a year or two to live. She had to go on sick leave for the chemo and radiation treatment, etc. After 6 months, her sick pay dropped to 50%, and after a year was due to end. She asked me what was happening with our uncle's estate, this being around 18 months after he died, with the house sold 6 months previously. I had received no updates, so she sent a facebook message to our cousin who was dealing with the estate, asking for an update and she described her health/finance situation. To our surprise, our cousin told us that they had given all the money to my aunt, rather than the 1/3 share the law defined.

I was baffled why they'd do this without getting legal documents with our consent first. Before I had a chance to form any further opinion, my cousins blocked my sister on messenger and unfriended her on Facebook. I assume that they think that she has done something so awful that she should be shunned and disowned.

Since then, my sister has had no birthday cards from them or my aunt, and no Christmas cards so far, whereas they've carried on liking my family updates on facebook, and have sent me cheery Christmas cards which arrived a couple of days ago. My sister is dwelling on the idea that they've lied on the probate forms, pretending that our mother never existed.

I just feel queasy and sick about it, how can I carry on as normal with them, or visit them at Christmas, even though my sister has told me she doesn't want this to oblige me to distance myself.
I want to explain to them how upsetting this has been, I've lost lots of sleep over this over the past few months, but now Christmas is coming, I feel I should say something, surely if I don't it will look like tacit agreement that I agree with their actions.

I was thinking of writing to my cousin, telling them how unhappy and sad this makes me feel. I feel that they have been so unfair in acting as if my sister has done something wrong, whereas they did not tell us what they planned (hence us having to ask for an update), whereas they have in fact committed a criminal offence (which I might not highlight). I had been wishfully imagining that my aunt might be unaware of all this, but then when I woke up too early again today fretting about this, I realised that if she hasn't sent my sister a Christmas card, then she must know all about it.

Initially I had been thinking for months to send a letter explaining how I feel to my cousin. Then after realising that my aunt must know about this, I've been trying to write a letter to send to my aunt this morning, to send with a Christmas card, since she asked how we are in the card she sent to me.
Surely that's the best option. Then I felt ill writing it, then decided to ask for advice here.

I definitely can't just carry on as normal, and I don't think I can say nothing.

I’d sue, fuck them. If he’s a lawyer he’d know exactly how wrong this is.

I don’t understand you are here on mumsnet asking for opinions. You need to get a solicitor and take back what is rightfully yours. If not for yourself then at least for your sister. Do you seriously think that writing them a letter is going to achieve anything after what’s happened? Come on OP, YABU for how you’ve handled this so far! (But YANBU for wanting the inheritance.)

It's not the case in Scotland either. I had a Great-Uncle who died intestate. He came from a large family. Where NoK had died, their share was divided amongst their heirs.

Lawyers had to deal with it, because of the complications. One relative had two children and one adopted child. The adopted child couldn't be traced, so some kind of an insurance bond had to be set up to cover their share.

"(including anything that was said and done before or after your uncle's death that may have changed the default position)"

That's an interesting comment. What sort of thing might cause that to happen? Especially after death?

Are you thinking about something like a "deathbed will"?

OP doesn't even need a solicitor. They need to talk to the body who is responsible for issuing the grant of probate, as they have powers to act. A solicitor would only be doing the same thing.

Don't waste money on leech solicitors. This is a very simple case.

"I was in law" – are you sure that's not a typo and you were in lawns? Because you are completely incorrect. This is from the Govt's website about intestacy. OP has been robbed of her rightful share.

One of them works in the legal sphere so it's a bit unlikely they didn't know exactly what they were doing here!

Did they have any other siblings/nieces/nephews though?

If you die with no parents/spouse/children/ grandchildren then your estate is split between your siblings in equal shares. If any of them are already dead then their children get their parent's share.

agreed

Please sue, or at the very least threaten to sue. It's just wrong for someone to take money that isn't theirs by rights, there's a moral dimension to all this. It reflects on the whole family, and younger members may well feel rotten about it if they become aware in future that money they inherited was not rightfully theirs.

It should be sorted out and seen to be done properly. Hopefully, just pointing out that you know the law, and have a legal case may trigger a resolution.

Silly uncle not making a will. And giving probate to a husband and wife when their are other relatives is a recipe for disaster . Get a solicitors letter sent tomorrow outlining everything you know, including all family, all dates of deaths, intestacy rules etc,

They don't and it isn't.

If someone dies intestate, the estate goes to the next of kin, which assumably was your aunt. This is what has happened, rather than your cousin arbitrarily choosing for the estate to go to his mother. Perhaps he felt that it was too much hassle to fight to change it to a different distribution, as well as feeling guilty that this is what the law decreed and he couldn't be bothered to try to contest it. If you want to contest it, you can either ask your aunt to bequeath part of that estate to you in her will, or ask her for a gift now (assuming she will live for more than 7 years, otherwise only £3k is allowed as a gift). The only other alternative is a costly battle through the courts where you will have to prove that it was your uncle wish for his estate to be divided equally between his nieces and nephews. I am not sure how easy this would be.

As for your aunt and cousin giving you the cold shoulder, this could be partly guilt or fear of confrontation. The whole inheritance thing is awful IMO, I think it would be much better if everyone's estate went to the state, so these kind of very common family disputes didn't happen anymore. If this sounds crazy, my mother died before my grandmother, and my aunt had her mother change her will to leave her fairly sizable estate to her only, rather than split my mothers half between my sisters and me. We had a choice, fight it, hate it or accept it. I chose to accept because I didn't want the stress of the fight and I didn't think it was fair on my deceased family members to create rancoeur with our relatives. However, I do wish that we were never put in this situation and I am secretly pleased that my aunt's farm will be subject to inherritance tax now!!!

Have a look at the P1A1 form, which teases out details of kin - there is no room for a narrative to be asserted

Thank you. Executor is a legal position so when you say estate admins, do you mean executors or is estate admin a meaningful role?

Did the cousins send a message or letter that is evidenceable or was your sister 'told' face to face or by telephone?

'Cash' might be deliberately misleading if there was any other types of property that had value.

Perhaps draft a non-confrontational letter for your sister to send along the lines of '

Thank you for the update concerning Uncle X's estate saying that 'all the cash has already been passed to Aunt Y. Why have you passed the proceeds to Aunt Y? I'd be grateful for an estimate by when you think the estate will be settled and the proceeds fully distributed along with the relevant records.'

Next step if they don't get the message will be to ask if the cousin's husband has used has used his employers to help him in his executor's duties? That will tell them his employment and possibly his professional future is in play.

Good luck.

The aunt may very well have been his next of kin - who he named if he was in hospital etc.

That has nothing to do with the distribution of intestacy in England (where the OP confirmed she is).

Nothing at all

Yes. My late husband didn't die intestate but in Scotland there are certain legal rights no matter what is in a will. (It's rather different in England and Wales.)

Under Scots law, people have 20 years in which to claim their legal rights. If they die without doing this, then their heirs have the time that remains in which to make their claim.

I would hope that English law also allows people a decent length of time in which to claim against an estate.

If the executor is in a legal field they’ve been bloody stupid as fraud could obviously end their career. In the scheme of things, £30k doesn’t seem worth the risk or the family fall out. I’d have thought there would be some movement following a carefully worded letter as I can’t see they’d want to risk their entire career.

Your relationship is dead- stop trying to find a gentle middle way. You’ll never look at them in the same way again.

Before death - (short of a will) something giving rise to a claim under the Inheritance (Family and Dependants) Act 1975, for example some form of financial support given to someone.

After death - a deed executed by someone entitled under the intestacy rules waiving their rights.

Was your FIL her only sibling?

if that is the case then what happened is correct.

If there were other siblings then it wasn’t correct. Assuming you’re also in England where the Op is.

Always amazes me how people confidently give legal advice which is absolutely incorrect. There are standard intestacy rules in England & Wales.

There's a nice handy guide here:

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

there was no will to fight or argue about, English Law states 1/3 share to be divided between me and my sister

I was astounded as well, fraud would be stupid

It is baffling how so many people can say something so wrong with such certainty. You see it on here all the time but I’d have thought people would have the sense not to make statements re legal matters they don’t have the foggiest clue on.

Relationship is over. Get a good solicitor and sue them. Good luck.