Our cousins took our inheritance and gave it to their mother, I feel I can't carry on acting as if nothing has happened

[NeshButUpNorth]

My deceased mother had brothers and a sister. One deceased brother and the surviving sister (i.e. our aunt) had kids. We used to go on shared holidays twice a year with our aunt's kids, we've always got on well.

Our bachelor uncle died 2 years ago, with no will. When we were chatting a few months later, my aunt's eldest told me that they were going to try to "so what my uncle would have wanted". I assumed my cousin would contact me and my sister in the future to discuss this, since they would need us to sign off anything that would change the legally defined distribution (which is 1/6 each to me and my sister), since it would be a criminal offence to do otherwise, which my cousin must know, since their spouse is a director of a legal company.

A few months after my uncle died, my sister was diagnosed with incurable cancer, with months, possibly a year or two to live. She had to go on sick leave for the chemo and radiation treatment, etc. After 6 months, her sick pay dropped to 50%, and after a year was due to end. She asked me what was happening with our uncle's estate, this being around 18 months after he died, with the house sold 6 months previously. I had received no updates, so she sent a facebook message to our cousin who was dealing with the estate, asking for an update and she described her health/finance situation. To our surprise, our cousin told us that they had given all the money to my aunt, rather than the 1/3 share the law defined.

I was baffled why they'd do this without getting legal documents with our consent first. Before I had a chance to form any further opinion, my cousins blocked my sister on messenger and unfriended her on Facebook. I assume that they think that she has done something so awful that she should be shunned and disowned.

Since then, my sister has had no birthday cards from them or my aunt, and no Christmas cards so far, whereas they've carried on liking my family updates on facebook, and have sent me cheery Christmas cards which arrived a couple of days ago. My sister is dwelling on the idea that they've lied on the probate forms, pretending that our mother never existed.

I just feel queasy and sick about it, how can I carry on as normal with them, or visit them at Christmas, even though my sister has told me she doesn't want this to oblige me to distance myself.
I want to explain to them how upsetting this has been, I've lost lots of sleep over this over the past few months, but now Christmas is coming, I feel I should say something, surely if I don't it will look like tacit agreement that I agree with their actions.

I was thinking of writing to my cousin, telling them how unhappy and sad this makes me feel. I feel that they have been so unfair in acting as if my sister has done something wrong, whereas they did not tell us what they planned (hence us having to ask for an update), whereas they have in fact committed a criminal offence (which I might not highlight). I had been wishfully imagining that my aunt might be unaware of all this, but then when I woke up too early again today fretting about this, I realised that if she hasn't sent my sister a Christmas card, then she must know all about it.

Initially I had been thinking for months to send a letter explaining how I feel to my cousin. Then after realising that my aunt must know about this, I've been trying to write a letter to send to my aunt this morning, to send with a Christmas card, since she asked how we are in the card she sent to me.
Surely that's the best option. Then I felt ill writing it, then decided to ask for advice here.

I definitely can't just carry on as normal, and I don't think I can say nothing.

Would you want reconciliation?

They stole from your sister when she was having cancer treatment.

I didn’t like my sister at all, but I’d still not want a relationship with people who felt it acceptable to steal from her while she was having chemo.

Plus only the executor has access to financial records so no one else can get the evidence to show the fraud/theft, and it can’t be investigated without the evidence….

i even tried to get the bank who does have the evidence to investigate the executor misconduct. But no, only the executor can report misuse of a deceased persons bank account.

so the bank have their records that thousands of pounds were taken by the executor, years of financial abuse, but won’t act unless the executor asks them to….

it is absolutely head against wall. You can try civil court, but only if you have £££££££ do do so. So unless your share is in the 100k plus, you’ll lose more in legal fees.

I know, this is the next step if I feel like escalating it

Reconciliation?? After what they've done to your sister, you still want something to do with them? What a betrayal to your poor sister. Jesus.

This is for the USA

I live in England, as did my uncle

Why would you be worrying about breaking down the communications and/or relationship you have with your cousins/aunt when they've clearly broken intestacy laws and treated you and your DSis dreadfully!? These laws are there for a reason; this being one of them (that family members don't get screwed over by the selfish, grabby ones).

The only engagement I would have with them from now on, is via my Solicitor. If only for your DSis to get some funds to help her through. What a horrible, worrying time for you and your sister; all made worse by 'family'. 🙄

They have acted appallingly. Go speak with Citizens Advice, and lawyer up.

Isn't that only if its direct descendents - if you leave it to friend bob and he dies before you, it doesn't go to bob kids - UNLESS THE WILLS SAYS OTHERWISE.

if you leave it to your kids, and one dies first, then in THAT case it does go to the deceased kids kids, UNLESS THE WILL SAYS OTHERWISE explicitly.

No will - and its dealt with differently, but if there is a will, then the above applies.

With a will the safeguard is that the will becomes a public document once it's been proved through the probate process. Anyone who might have been expecting something but didn't get it can check the will and hold the executors personally accountable.

Intestacy even easier because the rules are very clear and public.

Attempting to appeal to a better nature they evidently lack is futile, and it's crucial to seek legal advice without delay. Since your cousins have cut off contact with your gravely ill sister, any close relationship you had with them is essentially over. There's nothing left to lose and possibly a lot to gain. Should it be discovered that they deliberately excluded you and your sister from the forms, they would be guilty of a serious criminal offense. In such a case, the responsibility would be theirs, absolving you of any guilt.

OP do you have a good support network/people around for you? I’m wondering if you’re trying to keep the peace/think about reconciliation because with your mother gone and sister terminally ill these might be your last links to the family? In which case I’m even more sorry they’ve acted so horrendously.
I agree with the others, legally is the only way to challenge this shameful behaviour but I do hope you have lots of good people to lean on.

Speak to a solicitor NOW. I have no idea why you are tiptoeing around the feelings of people who have not only defrauded you, but your terminally ill sister who desperately needs the money. They are thieving scumbags. Don't let them get away with this.

If your cousins spouse works for a legal firm they’ll know the legal implications of it being done fraudulently.

It’s definitely worth the cost of a letter to put the wind up them and make clear it’s not going to just vanish.

Its especially worth reminding them that the administrator can be held personally responsible for any errors

I know, I realised that ultimately, this means that 100% of the estate effectively goes to my aunt's kids, most of whom are very well off.

I have free legal cover under my house insurance.

btw I already know that if I sued, the cash would come from the executor's personal funds, not from my aunt.

Ultimately the size of the estate will determine whether it is worth suing or not. Litigation is stressful, expensive and uncertain. BUT if they are well off anyway, a strongly worded solicitor's letter may convince them to just pay up.

Your estate is divided equally between the nearest equal relationship - so that will the the sister. Look it up - I was in law.

I would not suggest going straight to a solicitor, just to save a bit of costs, and perhaps making the relationship more salvageable in future.

It sounds like@NeshButUpNorth may have informally given her cousins the impression that she could be happy with the money going to her aunt. Any such thing which may have been said or even put in writing informally has no legal effect. To give up her share she would need to execute a deed saying so.

At this stage I would suggest that she writes a letter herself to her cousins, specifically whichever one has been acting as administrator of the estate, explaining that she understands that she does have a legal claim which she wishes to take forward, and that if the matter cannot be sorted out amicably between them then she will ask a solicitor to set the ball rolling. It seems like the cousins are already aware of the law and are simply relying either on her goodwill or ignorance. Once they realise that she doesn't have either then they may act properly without the need for expensive legal battles.

it's around £90k-£100k I think, so 1/6 would be £15k or so each

Why would you want to maintain any kind of relationship with people who are capable of this? Pursue the legal route. It is something that you can do for your sister.

it's not actually.
Check the gov uk website, you can get info there on this.
that's why the PA1A form contains questions about children of deceased siblings

OP, eventually you will realise and come to terms with the fact that your relations are solely focused on the money to their benefit so the notion of trying to perform politeness dances with your family will just encourage them to see weakness and ignore you. If not, they would have proactively communicated what and why they thought whichever foolish executor apparently decided to ignore intestacy rules choose to favour one family member. There are obligations on the executor who made any distributions that do not comply with intestacy. They may try and put forward a false instrument,

Are you certain who the executor was? If not, perhaps look for the grant of probate from the Probate Registry? If the cousins have gone completely off piste, do you know anyone who could approach the cousin and say there's some outstanding money owed to the deceased and they need to know who the executor is? Depending on exactly what the family have done and told any banks and/or the Land Registry, you might have a better idea about how to progress this.

I'm guessing not as a wills & probate solicitor though

You’re only half correct. It is divided between your nearest kin.

However, if they have pre-deceased you then their share goes to their children if they had any.

No. There is more than one next of kin, given that the deceased had more than one sibling. It gets divided up evenly amongst his siblings. Where a sibling has predeceased him, their portion goes to their heirs. If they have children, then the children are their heirs.