Our cousins took our inheritance and gave it to their mother, I feel I can't carry on acting as if nothing has happened

[NeshButUpNorth]

My deceased mother had brothers and a sister. One deceased brother and the surviving sister (i.e. our aunt) had kids. We used to go on shared holidays twice a year with our aunt's kids, we've always got on well.

Our bachelor uncle died 2 years ago, with no will. When we were chatting a few months later, my aunt's eldest told me that they were going to try to "so what my uncle would have wanted". I assumed my cousin would contact me and my sister in the future to discuss this, since they would need us to sign off anything that would change the legally defined distribution (which is 1/6 each to me and my sister), since it would be a criminal offence to do otherwise, which my cousin must know, since their spouse is a director of a legal company.

A few months after my uncle died, my sister was diagnosed with incurable cancer, with months, possibly a year or two to live. She had to go on sick leave for the chemo and radiation treatment, etc. After 6 months, her sick pay dropped to 50%, and after a year was due to end. She asked me what was happening with our uncle's estate, this being around 18 months after he died, with the house sold 6 months previously. I had received no updates, so she sent a facebook message to our cousin who was dealing with the estate, asking for an update and she described her health/finance situation. To our surprise, our cousin told us that they had given all the money to my aunt, rather than the 1/3 share the law defined.

I was baffled why they'd do this without getting legal documents with our consent first. Before I had a chance to form any further opinion, my cousins blocked my sister on messenger and unfriended her on Facebook. I assume that they think that she has done something so awful that she should be shunned and disowned.

Since then, my sister has had no birthday cards from them or my aunt, and no Christmas cards so far, whereas they've carried on liking my family updates on facebook, and have sent me cheery Christmas cards which arrived a couple of days ago. My sister is dwelling on the idea that they've lied on the probate forms, pretending that our mother never existed.

I just feel queasy and sick about it, how can I carry on as normal with them, or visit them at Christmas, even though my sister has told me she doesn't want this to oblige me to distance myself.
I want to explain to them how upsetting this has been, I've lost lots of sleep over this over the past few months, but now Christmas is coming, I feel I should say something, surely if I don't it will look like tacit agreement that I agree with their actions.

I was thinking of writing to my cousin, telling them how unhappy and sad this makes me feel. I feel that they have been so unfair in acting as if my sister has done something wrong, whereas they did not tell us what they planned (hence us having to ask for an update), whereas they have in fact committed a criminal offence (which I might not highlight). I had been wishfully imagining that my aunt might be unaware of all this, but then when I woke up too early again today fretting about this, I realised that if she hasn't sent my sister a Christmas card, then she must know all about it.

Initially I had been thinking for months to send a letter explaining how I feel to my cousin. Then after realising that my aunt must know about this, I've been trying to write a letter to send to my aunt this morning, to send with a Christmas card, since she asked how we are in the card she sent to me.
Surely that's the best option. Then I felt ill writing it, then decided to ask for advice here.

I definitely can't just carry on as normal, and I don't think I can say nothing.

You need a solicitor. No more pussyfooting around. They are very unlikely to respond if you write to them, but a solicitor's letter has a better chance of providing the kick up the arse that is needed here.

There is surely virtually no chance of a reconciliation given how they have treated you so stop trying to leave the way open for one. They should have followed the intestacy laws to the letter and it seems like they didn't.

JFC, it's even on the UK gov website, with a nice easy to follow system:

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

You are being unreasonable to not advocate for yourself & your ill sister - get a copy of the probate & contact a lawyer

Inform your cousins that contact with them can't continue until this matter has been sorted legally but your disappointed in how they've treated your sister in her time of struggle so your blocking them on social media aswell

That's horrible. I would fight for my share.

And go NC with cousins.

With a property to sell they will have had to apply for a Grant of Letters of Administration.

Contact the probate court for advice.

Consider that the fees a solicitor would charge may wipe out a great deal of the inheritance, and if the DIY route is feasible.

Completely pointless.

It's bizarre that so many people are asserting 'facts' without checking this really simple guide.

Have you spoken to your other cousins about this?

So you would be suing for £30k? Sadly that is a very tight margin. Less than either side's costs of taking a case to a full trial. If considering suing, you need to speak to a lawyer (a specialist probate lawyer, and ask for specialist counsel's opinion, not a high street solicitor) regarding prospects of success before proceeding. People have linked to the government website but someone needs to look at the facts of your individual case (including anything that was said and done before or after your uncle's death that may have changed the default position) before commencing any litigation. You will be on risk for costs if you commence litigation.

It really is. Quite an eye opener.

I'm with those who say your cousins have already killed your relationship with them. Your sister needs that money, OP. Get to work on the legal side right away. They are clearly relying on you and your sister being pushovers. Don't let them get away with it.

Keep in mind @NeshButUpNorth when they start complaining about you and your sister being money grabbing that they stole from you.

they stole from you and they stole from your sister while she was having chemo!

There are only one set of money grabbers in this case.

And if your uncle wanted their mother to be the sole beneficiary then he’d have made a will saying so…

In England?

They have committed fraud and therefore is an offence. As suggested above write to the your cousin and say that if you and your sister do not rightfully receive your into will not only sue but will report this to the police.

You seem to understand jurisdiction, OP. The PPs who provide definitive advice without being certain of your location and presuming the law is the same as where they live should be an eye-opener.

We nearly had this when a relative died and my aunt who was in contact with the deceased relative told the solicitor there were no other living relatives. My uncle spotted one of the ads in the paper asking whether anyone knew of living relatives of the deceased relative. My mum was dead so my two sisters and I shared her portion. Interestingly the advertisement was placed in the South London Press newspaper although the relative was in Devon. I think initially I would contact the aunt directly by a recorded letter saying that by law you and your sister were due part of the inheritance and that you now want her to pay you your share. Follow up if you don’t hear back with another letter saying if you have to take it to court it will be your share, plus interest,plus a payment for stress caused and your legal costs. If she agrees to pay ask to see paperwork showing what was left after probate.

Gosh, I’d definitely pursue it. Whether you first wish to approach them to give them the opportunity to put it right, and then pursue it if they refuse to do so. Even if you don’t want your share, your sister could be relieved of money worries at a critical time.

If the executor pays it out from their own resources, it is only because they denied you and your sister of your rightful inheritance in the first place. They appropriated it. They are looking after themselves too, as they will be the sole beneficiaries of it in the long run. Imagine blocking a cousin with cancer because they themselves pulled a fast one. Many people wouldn’t be so callous with a stranger. It’s rock bottom for your sister and they have treated her appallingly. I wouldn’t be under the illusion they have any family feelings towards you or your sister.

Do you really want to have a relationship with people who would treat your terminally ill sister like that.

I would send them a letter letting them know if it is not resolved by 1st January (ie you and your sister receive your shares into your bank accounts) you will have to take legal action. I would highlight that your sister is terminally ill and defrauding her at this time is unforgivable.

If you don’t need the money yourself give it to your sister, does she have children. It is awful that they would treat her like that.

Well solicitor first. Then depending on what they say you could speak to your relatives and tell them to expect a letter from your legal-as there are some concerns re the willl?

Your estate is divided equally between the nearest equal relationship - so that will the the sister. Look it up - I was in law.

If you were ever "in law" you'd know better than to give incorrect advice online and pass yourself off as some sort of expert. This is shocking.

I think you need to find your anger OP. The last thing id be worried about is their feelings when they have shown you, they care very little for yours. Considering the dire health of your sister makes their actions even more despicable.

This is correct IF your sibling had been your only sibling, or if any other siblings had already died without descendants.

Once you exist and have descendants, your own subsequent death doesn't change anything - everything that was yours and would later have been inherited by you will rightfully go to your children, notwithstanding any will that YOU may have made to the contrary.

The cousins are nasty liars, saying "Do what Uncle would have wanted" - if he didn't make a will, he can't have been all that fussed about what he wanted (or possibly he was happy with how intestacy law would dispose of his estate for him).

This is a similar principle as with people who choose not to marry but then somehow expect the law to know/assume/guess whom they would theoretically have wanted to be treated as though they were a spouse. In both scenarios, you have only two choices: either you take the necessary basic legal steps to make your wishes clear (make a will or marry) or otherwise you accept that the authorities will make the decision for you, based on strict laid-down procedures.

Sorry, but why would you leave this up to your cousins to sort? So many people fall out over money and inheritance. I would never ever just assume someone would sort it all fairly. You should have shown up to deal with the paperwork alongside your cousins.

With respect you need to stop being so passive and do something. If you don't want to consult a solicitor then write to your cousin and express how you feel and that you are going to consult a solicitor. Stop worrying about their feelings and do what is right for your sister.

I have a copy of the grant of probate, the estate admins are my cousin+spouse, my cousin told my sister that all the cash has already been sent to my aunt "as next of kin".

Worked in the post room at a firm of solicitors, possibly.