If your adult child was going through a difficult time financially, would you help them out?

[Pekitothebunny]

So if your son or daughter expressed to you that times were difficult financially atm due to something such as job loss or a big expense that they’ve suddenly had to pay for in an emergency, would you give them money to help, if you were able to? Or would you see it as their own struggle to overcome and deal with themselves now that they are an adult?

It’s not bankrupting myself though is it….. I had to find 1k not 15k. I did it, I managed it. I would’ve appreciated the help, but none was given so I figured it out for myself and it was fine. It was tight for a while because we had to build savings back up and pay off the debt but it was 1k of debt not thousands.

Where did I say I expected my dad to foot the bill?? Are you reading my posts properly or are you trying to just find something to jump at? I never expected him to foot a 9k bill. Let’s make that crystal clear. Insurance paid 6, I paid 2.. I had to put the further 1 on a credit card. I would’ve liked to have been offered help so that I didn’t go into debt. However, I wasn’t so it’s fine, I just did it myself. No expectations off my father whatsoever. I just wondered if other parents would do the same. It’s fine if no one would, and im the one being unreasonable. I can accept that. However, don’t twist it and make out like I wanted my dad to pay 9k. You’ve made that bit up yourself

Always. Though sometimes it is hard.

@Blossomtoes and what do you think pet owners less financially blessed than yourselves should do? Is it reasonable for them to make care decisions for their pets partially on financial grounds or do they owe it to their pets to try everything their vet suggests?

I'd consider repaying the £200 to your dad. He's not going to forget it. He sounds quite mean and you don't need to be beholden. Have you considered Beneden? You have to be a member for 6 months but they will cover existing conditions after that. Cheaper than private insurance.

I would assist straight away if I was able to, just as my parents did for me.

lol you still don’t get it .

Op did NOT spend £9k
she spent 3k
2k from savings
only 1k with interest as she did it all herself !

I say she is responsible. .
She pays her bills she saves and she has insurance for her animal

Ffs what more do people want . Blood ???!

@Imbusytodaysorry she's been under insured twice in recent years. That's not responsible.

I NEVER PUT 9K ONTO CREDIT CARDS!!!! Come on people. Some reading comprehension. Please make sure you read my comments slowly and maybe two or three times before commenting

If they expected me to sub them fifty quid for fags and booze , no.
If they were struggling financially and their boiler was beyond repair I'd insist on giving them couple of grand for a new one.

I am not spending anymore time on this pointless conversation . The lack of comprehension is unbearable.

I think I would be happy to invest in your health which will bring you long-term gains, but putting money into the cat or a car would feel like money down the drain and I would be concerned that you regarded me as someone who would bail you out every time something went wrong. The cat and the car are your lifestyle choices: and surely the insurance would cover a replacement car? You're an adult and you have a partner. I would expect you to take responsibility for both. I'm perhaps biased: I have acquaintances who go on cruises and spend thousands on clothes and shoes and bags, but launch crowdfunders when their dog racks up a vet bill.

@Pekitothebunny sorry I obviously was not being clear, I know you weren't expecting your dad to pay 9k of vets bills.

@Imbusytodaysorry but I'm not misunderstanding, am I?

She had pet insurance that didn't pay out enough.

She had car insurance that didn't pay for her car being stolen.

Not that I disagree with anything you’re saying, but just to point something out. All of your examples of him spending large amounts of money on pets involve dogs. That doesn’t mean he thinks it’s reasonable to spend £9K on a cat.

I’d do/spend anything for my dog and the idea of spending £9K on a cat is mind blowing to me. Which is why I’d never get a cat. I certainly wouldn’t loan (or give) anyone thousands of pounds to spend on a cat.

That aside, his attitude towards your endo is shocking. Give him back his £200 and tell him why.

Yes I would and actually we are now in a better financial position than in-laws so would (and have) helped them when needed as well.
What’s the point of family otherwise?

It depends on the circumstance. If it's something out of their control yes I would help. If they'd been silly then yes, I would help. But if it was repeated - no.

£6k of the vet's bill was paid by insurance.

If you were happy to see your daughter in excruciating pain every month due to a treatable illness and refused to help even though you had the funds to do so, having been an absent parent who left when your child was a baby, I would think you were a terrible person and an even worse parent. I presume that the 'kindly' is sarcastic as it's inclusion doesn't make any part of your comment 'kind'.

Yes, we would, and we have.

But we wouldn't if he was making bad choices that he expected us to finance!

And we won't be when he starts earning more than us!

We firmly believe in the "hand up, not a hand out", philosophy.

I’d help and I believe most would.

I’ll say it one more time. I didn’t spend 9k on a cat. I spent 3k. 2 of which I already had. I was out of pocked by 1k.. whacked it on an interest free credit card and paid it back.

it’s fine if you wouldn’t help in that situation. That’s why I’ve made the post, for other inputs. So that’s totally valid. But I just would like people to understand what I am saying. I have never paid 9k for my cat. He had insurance and I just had to pay the difference. If the difference was 5k or more that I simply didn’t have, then my outcome may have been different. However, I only needed to find 1k, and while it made things tight for a while, we knew we could manage it by being frugal and we paid off the 1k in 6 months and have had no further issues with the cat

I would absolutely pay for my DD to have surgery for endo. I know its v painful.

I think the cat bills are rather too much. Though I love cats.

It would depend. I have a relative who despite earning a good salary cannot manage money and has no savings and is maxed out overdrawn. Every other month there is a “crisis” because there isn’t a safety net and even relatively predictable costs such as minor car repairs during an MOT require handouts from their parents who cannot really afford it. In their case it would be a hard no.

If it was a one off from an otherwise reliable relative who was generally good with money and budgeting then it would be a yes.

Give money 100%

Op many would. Please don’t pick up on the posts from the selfish pigs who wouldn’t give anyone 10p. Who judge and think better than everyone else.

It’s normal to what to help your kids.
Your dad isn’t normal one .

He is selfish.
You are doing a great job .

Look into private health care for yourself .
Sometimes these private places do payment plans . Is that an option for you.

Id say soemthing to my dad though while returning the £200
Ask him why he would rathe dtou suffered in pain then help you.

@Pekitothebunny can you not be frugal now and start saving?