If your adult child was going through a difficult time financially, would you help them out?

[Pekitothebunny]

So if your son or daughter expressed to you that times were difficult financially atm due to something such as job loss or a big expense that they’ve suddenly had to pay for in an emergency, would you give them money to help, if you were able to? Or would you see it as their own struggle to overcome and deal with themselves now that they are an adult?

I gave dd and her dh cash towards a new boiler. They have a good income but high outgoings with young children. However I do say no and that was a request by sil.for money for a new car. I knew it would cause friction in the family 9as it was £15000.

Saddest was my gs2 who I gave my old car to. It was written off in 2 weeks. I helped him out twice more but he abused my trust. No fool like an old fool...

I put my money in a lock up account of 3 months notice now. Best thing we did as it gives everyone breathing space.

I think giving money within families is a gift not a loan.

Having seen the update. No.

You were happy to put £9k into credit cards for a cat (and no doubt paid out much more in interest), but can't save for a surgery?

It's what families do.

Yes especially at this time of year with the extra expense .

Kindly OP, I would not help in your dads place.

To you your cat is a beloved family member but to your dad it is just a cat.

Objectively spending £9k on a can when you only have £2k in savings is not prudent.

Ahhh welcome to the 'dad could have afforded to help me out or even pay child maintance but chose not to' club. My dad (split with my mum when I was 5) once told me that he didn't want to think he'd 'bought my love' and that's why he never helped me out financially. But the truth is, he was just as tight as a duck's arse. Sorry about yours OP, some people just aren't really cut out to be fathers and their kids are just stuck with them! It is disappointing, I know.

Can you and others on here not bloody read.
Go and read properly then come back and comment .
Honestly get over the cat!!!!

But 3k is absolutely nothing just isn't true for most of us, including you OP. It is more than you can afford, and if the cat needs another £9k worth of treatment next week, which is entirely possible these days, you do not have money to pay the shortfall.

@Imbusytodaysorry I've read the updates.

£9k plus interest is a huge amount of money to spend. If I had done that, my parents would refuse me financial assistance.

Yeah, the vet bill strikes me as a harsh life lesson on the expense of pets. I agree.

But the second part about needing Endo surgery. I would (finances allowing) dip into my savings so fast to fund my child having that necessary surgery, they’d be in the consulting room before they could say thank you. And for me, this is specifically an example of when I wouldn’t let a child suffer. Because it’s a debilitating condition & NHS is horrendous for diagnoses. And literally every month is more misery and suffering.

Job loss is another one. My parents said to me, whatever you do don’t fall behind on bills or your mortgage. Don’t be proud, come and see us.

For me, that’s what parenting is about. For the record, I didn’t once tap them when I lost my job, but knowing I could if I needed to was a whole stress gone.

Many years ago my dad helped me out with an expensive car repair payment, he was known to be cautious with his money let's say! I did have to repay him but interest free, minimal monthly payments etc, I think it took me about 18 months. We signed an agreement & each month we both signed a sheet to say what I paid. He went on to lend me money several times (surprisingly) because of how the first time worked out. Just if you wanted some middle ground really.

Comprehension is hard, isn't it? Reading & understanding words thoroughly & so on.

Praps YouTube for kids would be a better place to spend your time

My mum has helped me on many occasions. I always gave her the money back.

So yes I would help my children if I could.

I suspect his version would be that i’m an adult with a job and will need to deal with difficult life circumstances. Like people have said, it might be that he doesn’t want to help based on the reasons for the help, like maybe he doesn’t agree with spending so much money of a cat for example. Although when I was 17, my mum bought a dog. It was a very bad idea because she had no money! I took it upon myself to make sure the dog got their vaccinations etc but couldn’t afford pet insurance. During a conversation with my dad he told me I should do anything to pay for insurance and I should stop paying for my phone etc in order to afford it because it’s important in case anything happens. Since then I have always had insurance. Before his last dog died of cancer, he spent thousandssss on treatment for him, in order to help him live a few more years. So I don’t really see that as being the reason, because he has done the same for his pets. I think it’s more to do with the fact that he thinks I should save for emergencies and be able to deal with anything life throws at me by myself (which I do try to do. I always have savings, it just seems that I’ve been unlucky with needing to spend them when I don’t have a lot built up yet)

I would, in a heartbeat.

Says someone with no pets. There’s no amount of money I wouldn’t spend if either of our dogs needed life saving surgery.

It's totally reasonable to have a pet and not be prepared to bankrupt yourself to pay vets fees. You owe them suitable care and a painless death, not 9k worth of complex surgeries, chemotherapy, or a lingering old age.

If you were happy to treat your cat fine (except that you expect your dad to foot the bill) but if you had decided to pts rather than put him through expensive and extended treatment then that would also have been a valid decision.

So what is your theory on keeping animals ?
How much savings does everyone have to have to own a cat??? Dog fish tortoise ferret ?

She had £6l insurance and 2k savings which she used. .she then used her credit card and paid that off. .

I think the people on here giving a decent human being a hard time are the selfish ones whom wouldn’t part with a penny for anyone.

Of course I would provided they weren't been reckless and frivolous.

Really? 25k? 50k? You'd see yourself and your family on the streets? No wonder vets are so expensive.

Yes of course I would. With the examples you've given, and under the assumption this is a run of bad luck and not the norm, I can't imagine why any parent with the means wouldn't.

No vets bill is going to see us on the streets.

Yes , if I could without leaving my own household in difficulty.

In my case, when I spoke about big bills with my dad, it wasn't about wanting a handout. We were just open with money, and it was me having a grumble. He offered to help me plenty of times and I said no each time because I strongly think I should be able to take care of myself. I think he was always quite proud that I never accepted his offer of help and I could stand on my own feet.

For a health related bill? My dad would absolutely have offered, and if I didn't have the money myself and was having to save up (like you, OP), my dad wouldn't have taken no for an answer. He would have paid anything upfront to make sure I wasn't in pain.

But my dad was a top bloke and yours sounds like someone who didn't particularly want to be a father.

Given the update re insurance for pets in the past - your two crunch points you needed money for were two points where you were under insured. You didn’t have enough pet insurance (and weren’t prepared to put to sleep if it went above £6k so under insured) and your car wasn’t insured enough to get a replacement once it was stolen.

for those two cases, it would seem like you haven’t taken his advise to get good insurance and have had two cases where you needed help because of it.

The private health issue is different. That I’d pay for in a heartbeat. Does he not realise what you are dealing with?