To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

I’m clearly out of practice! 😂

Switch the wifi off!

DH woke me up the other morning because he wanted to talk about trams...

Ask him to see a doctor

😂 “ He likes the way it feels to lean forward and burp after a big meal.”😂😂

Mine woke me up to tell me he couldn't sleep.

Isn't it weird how this would repulse me in a man but when my dog groans when he lies down it's freakin adorable.

The thing is, you find it adorable in the dog because you adore the dog. I'm not a dog person so I frequently look at the stuff dog owners find charming in disbelief and revulsion.

Likewise, all these men have not changed much. The loud yawning and Male Dominant Sneezing was always there. It was just more appealing when you were younger and your hormones were telling you to find a mate and procreate. Now that need has been met, the same behaviours become mildly annoying, then infuriating, then unbearable and repulsive.

I'm not sure how that would help....

This has made me angry on your behalf. Honestly that burp thing is so repulsive and rude. He’s teaching your kids to be rude. He’s gross. Is this totally new? Get out man. Just don’t spend your life feeling disgusted by him. You can be free!

Omg this is making me laugh so much!!

"His famiky are the same. FiL will leave table when he wants. Uncle burps while speaking without missing a beat. They all just say "manners" afterwards."

"Manners" 😂😂

100%. Having respect, consideration and manners is nothing to do with age.

As PPs have said, it’s possible he’s developed some health problems. It’s important to look after your health at any age. If he’s got aches and pains and lots of gas, he should take responsibility and get himself checked out. Plus, do things that help his health, such as better eating habits, stretching for his aches etc.

But it also sounds like learned behaviour if the men in his family are similar. He needs to rationalise why he chooses to control it in front of others and not in front of you. Does he have less respect for you? He also needs to rationalise whether he wants you to find him attractive and whether he thinks anyone would if he behaves like this on a regular basis. If you split and he started seeing someone else, would he behave like that? If not, why?

Sure, you can burp, fart and groan to your heart’s content in your own home, but only when alone. In front of other people shows a lack of respect. You should make it clear to him you find it unattractive and disrespectful. As long as he’s clear about that, you’ll get your answer in how he responds.

@EdithBond he responds by making a joke out of it. The only thing that works is if I talk about the kids copying him and burping at school - hence him saying he would stop in front of the kids. Which he hasn't really. But he says "sorry" now if he does a big burp in front of DC.

If I say I find it unattractive he will become v hurt and pout at me and say how mean and cold I am that I don't let him relax if his own home. He also says I'm turning into my mother.....

As a family could you all chew your food 6? times before you swallow? Make a game of it.

If he can't do it, it may start him seeing he has health problems.

We walk 15/20 minutes after meals briskly to aid digestion/reduce blood sugar. Could you all do that too?

My Dad's Dad noises were essentially ticks and mouth sensory seeking activities. Loud and numerous. It took a friend pointing them out to me for me to notice them as a late teen - it was a constant symphony in the background. Clicking, swilling, burping. He was always regurgitating food and leaving small pieces on surfaces. Especially in that well in a car by the handbrake. Vile.

Yep. It's a choice.
Plenty of older people have impeccable manners and would not dream of behaving like this.
Unless this man has some kind of disorder, there's no excuse for a 45 year old choosing to be a repulsive slob in front of his wife, but not in public.

This would drive me insane.

The attention-seeking sneezes alone I would find unacceptable. If they’re so loud they’re making your toddler cry, this is totally unnecessary. Also the fact your DH doesn’t care - so his right to sneeze loudly trumps your baby’s right not to be upset.

It all sounds very indulgent and attention-seeking. And super off-putting. As you say, it’s only going to get worse. It would annoy me too as it would constantly remind me how men never stop to worry about the affect they have on others (or how unattractive they look).

Id tell it to him straight that the constant noises put you and your child on edge - but also damage your attraction for him. If that doesn’t change, then I think you know you need to take action

[And to the PP saying she groans now she’s pregnant - you can groan away! Pregnancy is different. If this man was groaning due to crutches and a broken ankle or sciatica, that would be completely different.]

My husband is similar. I used ti look at his father and panic in case he turned out the same. There are hints of it and I'm seeing my future. Not burps in our house though, performative farting.

Is it ... This?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h-cnYNJuE3g

Oh dear OP. I feel you.

the comments he said about you turning into your mother…. I would have said he is turning into a pig.

As long as he doesn’t smell rancid😓 it’s just basic manners.

They are totally unaware of how disgusting those noises are. I find myself having the same thoughts about the snoring and grunting and lately the robe of doom, aka he is feeling rundown as we all have to take pity on him and be like servants.

I can only offer my sympathy for your situation and that you are not alone xx There is a medical condition whose name is misophonia that might be worth looking at.

Hmm. If you talk to him calmly and reasonably about how you feel and he responds by making a joke out of it, turns victim or mocks you while simultaneously disrespecting your mother, you have a bigger problem.

And someone who repeatedly behaves badly in front of his kids and repeatedly says sorry, isn’t sorry at all and is teaching them how to behave, in the way he seems to have learned from his family (“manners”). Apologies aren’t a word, they’re an action. Either you’re genuinely sorry (i.e. can see the problem and want to do something about it) or you’re not.

You need a serious talk. He might think being so disrespectful to you and your family is acceptable (learned?) behaviour. But it’s really not acceptable. I strongly suggest you make that very clear to him.

Adults can relax without being inconsiderate and unattractive. It’s your home too. His attitude seems patriarchal: a man’s need to feel comfortable in his home trumps a women’s need to feel comfortable in her home. If he wants to groan and burp, he can find an empty room to do it in.

The farting chamber.

My ex was like this. Mouth breathing, snoring, breaking wind whenever he pleased, grunting, snorting, loud chewing. It was like an audio version of man spreading. Couldn’t be in a quiet room with him for long, partially the reason why I got a whole other house for myself, alone and in peace.

Lol 😂. Or (in my case) if I’m in the kitchen, outside the back door.

Oh dear. 45 only.
Sorry, OP, description sounds horrible.
My 75 yo husband makes noises too, obviously, but not ick giving.
🙁

I am not accepting of this being his age . Bloody hell he is only 45.
He is choosing to be this way.

Of there wasn’t a baby involved I’d say leave you can do better. .
Dare I say it anyway. 🤷‍♀️

When did this all start and the dirty nose . Yuck

No he is choosing to eat like a pig and having to burp so much.

I take it he doesn’t eat at a table ?

Tell him he has turned into a disgusting dirty man. .