To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

I grew up with a DF who did the massive sneezes, open mouthed chewing, peeing with door open, groaning yawns, throat clearing and hawking phlegm every morning. He still does it now as an elderly man but was like it all his life. The thought of having to spend Christmas there makes me really tense as it grosses me out but I try not to show it (have previously tried to address some of it, it didn't go well and nothing changed).

How my DM has put up with it for decades, I don't know. She doesn't seem to notice. I seriously think it's one of the reasons I have never wanted to get married.

This is hilarious! I totally understand how you must feel! I’d be out in the kitchen slamming stuff around until he asked me what’s wrong! Seriously though, this is enough to change your feelings for him totally. I understand the need to feel comfortable at home etc but he’s making himself physically repulsive to you. You definitely need to tell him somehow 😂😆

He sounds really gross, and I can’t believe it’s age related if he’s only 45!! I hung out at my in-laws all day yesterday, lucky them 😂, so with my 60 year old MIL and 70 year old FIL and while MIL is prone to a good whinge and moan, she isn’t completely devoid of manners and it’s not constant noise, and FIL is absolutely nothing like your husband!
If your husband is having reflux issues or similar then he needs to get to the doctor and sort himself out. Otherwise it just sounds like poor manners and ignorance (particularly the fucking sneezing!!!)

I have been happily single for 20years and hope to be for another 20 years, thanks for posting you just made me more determined 😂

I was like this from thirty to forty. I took up walking every day, a few very simple yoga stretches, and eating much slower. Im 52 now, and i can go from sitting crossed legged on the floor, to standing, in one fluid groan free movement.

I think most of us when we reach mid to late 40’s we just don’t care so much but it can play out in different ways

we suddenly seem older and different to younger people

he has reached this and he doesn’t care and he will likely continue not to care he is becoming his older self

Honestly OP I don't think I've ever got the ick so much from a thread. Not sure I could live with this🤢

I would speak to him plainly and tell him how his noises make you feel. Hr is an embarrassment, has got into bad habits and doesn't realise how it impacts others, particularly you.

Get him to stop or issue an ultimatum.

You said 18 months; was he find before? Is he unwell? Not ever leaving the house doesn’t help

@Disagreeable YANBU.

I’ve been in a number of relationships and chatted to lots of different ages and cultures of people about their relationships. The relationships that last are the ones where people expect to treat their partner with the same level of respect and consideration they did when they first met. You have to work at keeping that level of respect to keep the relationship alive. If you don’t behave in an attractive manner, why would someone find you attractive?

If people start letting their standards slip because they feel safe in a relationship, it’s a death knell.

I assume your DH wouldn’t burp, groan and have snot hanging from his nose on a first date, during a work meeting, while at a meal with his friends or when visiting your family’s home? So, he knows it’s inappropriate, impolite and disrespectful. He can control it. So, why do it in front of you and the kids? The fact that he’s said he won’t do it in front of the kids any longer is telling. It shows he can control it, but doesn’t feel he has to in front of you. Would you carry on seeing a guy who behaved like this from the start? If not, why tolerate it now?

There’s a thin line between feeling at ease enough to be yourself in a relationship and having little consideration for your partner. IMHO, he’s crossed it and needs to have more respect for you.

The burping sounds like it may be indigestion because he bolts his food down. He could eat more slowly, drink more water with his food and go for a stroll afterwards to get all his gas out on the move rather than in front of you.

Practice

Get out. Seriously, while the kids are still young and will adapt.

I got the ick and it only got worse and worse. Just disgusting. Once you get to the point you can’t stand to be in the same room you won’t come back from it.

I will ask him to see the GP and get some blood tests, there must be an underlying cause? Tiredness could be low in iron; eating fast and tiredness could be thyroid problems.

Burting and gases could be a gluten intolerance; so many things out there. Maybe low in vitamin D if he never wants to leave the house. Maybe candida overgrowth. It could be anything but it is definitely not normal

I think this is key. If he was David Niven before and the noises, farting and low mood have come on quite suddenly, there may be an underlying cause. OToH he might always have tended this was but it’s only become unbearable to OP over the last 18 months.

So you mean just being alive basically!

But this guy could slow down the speed he eats

He could sit in an upright position to let his food digest

He could wipe his nose

A lot of this is self inflicted.

FFS.
I'm almost 70 and DH is 71. We don't feel old and we don't behave like this.

Just reading your post makes me feel a bit sick. I dread to think how you feel on a daily basis!

He's eating too fast.

He's looking for attention.

That's all.

He either stops it or you LTB.

DH blows his nose like he is playing the trombone (which he did as a youngster), sneezes are deafening. The worst thing though is he has a terrible intermittent hacking cough (undoubtably from vaping) which he does nothing about.

I try and make a joke of it with the nose-blowing. "Oh the brass section are tuning up".

I'm sure I have a few bad habits as well. Generally we rub along well, occasionally he annoys the tits off me.

Yuck.I don’t get it, where does all that phlegm come from, l’ve never felt the need to do this, l guess some people are more phlegmy than others.Ok going to stop using that word now.

He doesn't do it in front of other ppl. We are with family on Christmas and he 100% will not burp in front of them. He tells me he can control it but he likes being comfortable and he likes the way it feels to lean forward and burp after a big meal.

Pls don't make me feel bad for posting this on the Internet. Ppl say all sorts about their own parents, siblings or partners to therapists or in anonymous Internet forums - as my own DH would say - surely, "better out than in"

His famiky are the same. FiL will leave table when he wants. Uncle burps while speaking without missing a beat. They all just say "manners" afterwards.

I'm glad I made some of you smile. I was posting while he was lying next to me....A heaving one man band of bodily noises....and it was posting on the Internet or running into the garden screaming.

Honestly some of it does seem like it's for my attention. If I'm busy with the kids, I'll often hear groans getting ever louder from the next door room.