To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

Apparently when you're irritated by someone or stressed these sounds are magnified. So, I can't hear DH breathe heavily, snore or moan in his sleep on a normal night but if I've something important in the morning, I'm guaranteed to hear every last sound.

Your brain usually treats this like white noise so you don't hear it properly.

There is also a scale for how irritating a noise is called the Sones scale. Husbands shouldn't really get over 1.

Mine is also mid-forties grumbling about getting old...

I think you need to work out why your DH is suddenly annoying you so much. If it is the constant whingeing you need to tell him he's doing your head in.

It can help to see it like this. And what lies beneath.

He needs to eat more slowly he's gullping down air along with the food hence needing to belch but he probably has some sort of gastric problem He also sounds depressed Have a serious discussion

Are you leaving him ???
How the hell
Can you stomach sex with this man ?
What did you see in him ?

All genuine question. .

100 reasons why I left my husband sounds like a bestseller OP - could be on the shelves in time for Christmas 2025 - it'll be the only positive thing to come out of all of this apart from your DC of course.

It could be worse, he could cut his toenails and fire them around the room, and if he only talks to himself in the shower, you're lucky..😊

I'm sorry for you. My guy had developed similar habits and it's wearing. But it's just that - a habit. I started calling him Grandad and asking where he'd left his stick. That made him mad but stopped the groaning and sighing.

he's off work this week (he does work, just not v much)

what does that mean in practise?

and this guy is 18 years younger than you

He resents you because you're so much more capable than he is. He's too stubborn, pig headed, badly brought up etc to do the decent thing and pull his weight all he will ever do is try to grind you down to his level.
I hope you can neutralize the threat that he poses.

That's right. Ironic, isn't it?

another one who should make the leap

@Disagreeable I don’t say this lightly but LTB seems to be the best option. You deserve better than this.

Though he will surely be asking for maintenance so get a good solicitor.

Leaping isn't an option and I signed up for the whole journey.

Is there a family member that he actually detests but is a bit like him?

My son used to say 'you don't want to do that' a lot & one day I said in reply 'oh you sound exactly like grandad.'

He never said it again after that.

@Disagreeable

"If I say I find it unattractive he will become v hurt and pout at me and say how mean and cold I am that I don't let him relax if his own home. He also says I'm turning into my mother....."

Really? Well he's turned into a piggish slob. Your post, complete with snotty nose, made me heave. How can you have sex with him?

You need to talk to him and be honest about how he is making you feel.
That his habits burping groaning moaning etc is really getting you down .
You could suggest an effort from both of you so he doesn't feel your attacking him.. to be honest I couldn't and wouldn't put up with a slob neither should you.

You can't live your life happy with a man who behaves like this around you he is a disgusting slob with no respect for himself so how will he respect you and your feelings.
The kids they need a role model and he certainly isn't being one.
Your resentment will only grow where you end up not being able to be in the same room as him.
Do you have a spare room/bedroom make him sleep or sit somewhere else if he can't look at his behaviour..I'd be gone you deserve more .

Calling me a cunt in arguments.

I really hope you make finding the strength to start getting your ducks in a row as your New Years resolution OP.

I actually am leaving this thread now bc each post you make is giving me the rage on your behalf. He isn’t an “ill with gastric problems possibly on the spectrum oh what are men like?” husband as some (who I’m guessing have only read your first post) are saying. He’s just a bog standard abusive nasty bastard.

Did I write this in a blacked out state? JK, but girl same. I chuckled through most at the similarities with the groans and gas, but then when you mentioned the drippy nose! I swear the same thing almost exactly happened to me recently. I CANNOT WITH THE RUNNY NOSE!!

💯

He almost certainly has gastrointestinal issues and should go to the doctor to be checked out.

The toenail thing is gross as is his language towards you during arguments. He sounds like a gross person overall.

And 44 isn't old. He shouldn't be groaning like an elderly man.

37 is young. Cut your losses and move on. There's no coming back from this level of disgust.

I couldn’t stay with a man who called me a cunt or picked his teeth with his own toenail clipping. I’m lost for words. So sorry, OP.

I had one with nasty personal habits which he appeared to be able to control in front of others but didn't see the necessity to treat me with the same manners and got nasty when I called it out. He's now an exH. Thank God. You will resent him then once that happens it's game over. Ick indeed

OP, your husband is so gross, repulsive and disgusting for so many reasons and on so many levels that I might actually never have sex again, at all, with anyone. I feel sick myself.