To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

My husband also bolts his food so quickly sometimes he actually hiccups while eating. The kids and I tell him he needs to slow down - he literally can’t. He blames private school for his eating habits and says they almost trained you to eat fast as it was the only way to get more food.
mine also groans - when he wakes up there is lots of groaning and he rubs his eyes noisily. Then there is the general sighing - it is like having audible tracking on him. We always know where he is.

Worryingly there are so many of these guys about 😬😬. Here"s another filthy habit for u. My ex and I shared a car for a few years. He wd pick his nose throughout the journey wiping the snot on the steering wheel and car seats 🤢🤮. He thought this was hilarious. I mean wtf????? Like u I cd have written a book of all his charming habits. It wd be titled 'How to put yr wife off sex with you for life' 🤣🤣

Another few to brighten up your Wednesday morning

He cuts his toenails and leaves them in little piles round the house. I have seen him use one of his toenails as a tooth pick before.

He has full blown conversations with himself in the shower.

When we have sex he says "good girl" under his breath.

(If you met my H he would be so polite and sweet. You'd have no idea)

What kind of work does he do? entirely wfh?

Have you told any friends? Have they noticed?

Do you want sympathy? why? you seem a very capable strong woman who is in full time employment.

Do you want camaraderie? 🤢 not from me thankfully

When we have sex he says "good girl" under his breath.

I mean, “when we have sex”

unless he forcing you too….

OP, i wouldn’t want your husband within a 10 mile radius of my daughter having read that.

And yet you sleep beside him and presumably he often has some care of your children

yep, limited sympathy and i don’t find it funny at all

so your husband will 100% not burp at the table when you go to family for christmas lunch

but His famiky are the same. FiL will leave table when he wants. Uncle burps while speaking without missing a beat. They all just say "manners" afterwards.

so hendon. front of his own family

did his family hide this behaviour from you at the start?

i can’t get my head around howntoxic this environment will be for your children as they grow older and become more aware of the family environment and atmosphere between their parents

make the change now op. before they think that this is remotely normal behaviour from their father or for it to be normal for a mother to be truly nauseated by their father every. single. day. multiple times a day.

I feel queasy reading about him. At least I've remembered by pelvic floor exercises this morning 🤢

I don't know how you bear to be near this "man"

And he's an appalling role model for your sons.

Uggggggghhh, snort, belch, urrrrrrr, ugh good girl snort, burp, fart, ooooaaaahhhhh.

@MyGladBiscuit

I'm only being (fairly) light heartened because it's nearly Christmas and clearly I'm not going to do anything drastic right now. But I absolutely agree with you and many PP that to feel this level of disgust is not OK and is already creating resentment

His family have always been like that. His dad is rude and lazy. His mum is exhausted and totally subservient.

When we met, H was funny and kind and we had a very good time together. We had no responsibilities. Both working. Spent a lot of the time in pubs and with friends

Then came covid/kids/mortgage/redundancy/losing loved ones

And now we are here. Burps. Groans. Moans. Shouting at me. Complaining. Calling me a cunt in arguments.

The responsibility of kids and a home has made me more ambitious, more determined and it seems to have done the absolute opposite to H. Every year he cares less about everything. Especially me.

Omg girl, I'm howling with laughter🤣. Keep 'em coming 🤣. PS I reckon my ex and yr hubby are bro's. Too many similarities in their behaviour 😬😆

I couldn’t stay with someone like that OP. Are you with him because of the kids?

i’d leave.

His dad is rude and lazy. His mum is exhausted and totally subservient.

History appears to be repeating itself. Please don’t let yourself end up like your MIL. You and your kids deserve better.

This sounds awful to me. Obviously, your children are still young, so you may currently put up with it through gritted and ground down teeth, but I can't help feeling that something will snap one day (as loudly as one of his groans/burps), if he doesn't change.
Besides, even if he does respond with the 'turning into your mother' line - you can presumably point out that it's better to be a bit uptight than a rude, sulky, noise-generating manbaby.

@Disagreeable now that you mention the redundancy... it's very possible he is depressed. Which doesn't absolve him of responsibility! But if he can address that, it might make a big difference.

Equally, some people just aren't cut out to be parents and your DH could be one of those, and that's why having kids has changed him for the worse.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

He sounds awful on every level. The gross behaviour,belittling you in front of the kids, calling you a c. You on the other hand are funny (still laughing at big ick energy), smart and have a great career. Don’t waste your life on this guy. Your children will copy him and think it’s fine to disrespect you too 😢

His family have always been like that. His dad is rude and lazy. His mum is exhausted and totally subservient.

but he wasn’t like them when he was with family when you first started being with him?

Op… if you don’t make the change for yourself, do it for your children (and their future partners)

Surely you have a friend or family member to confide i ln? And i’ll be very surprised if they don’t also think he’s pretty gross)

His family have always been like that. His dad is rude and lazy. His mum is exhausted and totally subservient.

Your husband is the product of witnessing this marriage

and it will be the same for your children

In all fairness though she was asleep. You can’t really control that 🤣

Reading your last update, I’d seriously consider what you will do in the New Year. You deserve better than this. Good luck.

🤢🤣⛔️

At first I thought your husband sounded as if he had a health issue and you were being unsympathetic. The more you divulge the less likely this seems and the worse he sounds.
Is it maybe worth trying couples counselling? Honestly, I’m not sure I would bother. Listing it out, calling you a cunt, not pulling his weight, leaving you to fix the fence during your lunch hour whilst he lounges indoors, dragging you on top of him for one sided ‘sex’, otherwise deriding you. OP the noises are the least of your worries. His family are demonstrating where your relationship is fast heading if things don’t change.
It sounds like you’ve both gone way past the stage of even liking each other. IF you do decide to stay together you must decide how to stop your boys thinking this is acceptable and normal behaviour; I think it would be hard to achieve personally.

Gawwwd. It sounds abysmal. I went out with someone years ago who used to burp and fart all the time. It used to make me feel sick. The last straw was when he leaned in for a kiss and there was a drip of snot hanging off his nose. I feel your pain! Attention seeking noises......what do people want from you when they make these noises?! Constant sympathy? Maybe they are trying to start an attention seeking noises choir and want us all to join in?! Can you get some of those loop ear plugs?!

Oh God, yes - every time he cleans his teeth, it sounds like he's about to vomit, it's vile, I've told him repeatedly over the years how much it gives me the ick, but never changes. You can hear it from anywhere in the house. That and the performance coughing / sneezing.