To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

Record and video him and play it back and or do the same (if you can bare it). God i couldn't be with someone like this, gross. Hope it gets better

I hope you said “ sorry, I was just leaning over my desk having a good belch. Just let me reeeelaaaax and feel comfortable.”

@Calliopespa What the hell is a "take" when it's at home? You mean opinion?!

OP declared that splitting up is unfair on children. Myself and PP merely pointed out that this declaration is nonsense and gave our examples

A “ take” used that way means a particular viewpoint on something . It’s in the OED as such.

Not every situation of marital discord is one where the children would be happier with the parents apart. You and I know nothing of how OP’s children feel, so since she’s presented the “opinion” that they would not like it, it isn’t fair to just dismiss it, given her position of greater access to their viewpoints.

He doesn’t even try to be supportive of you, does he? He tried to make you feel guilty on the train, making out you feel you’re too important and far to busy to be bothered that your son was upset and needed you, he was mum shaming you for working and leaving him to do the childcare and to top it all son wasn’t that upset! He resents you being the breadwinner!
He wants servicing, his pleasure is the only thing that is important. He thinks you should be on your knees saying “you are not worthy!”
He deliberately makes as much noise sneezing, burping and grunts because he knows you hate it, to aggravate you.
His most scintillating conversation is about Tesco’s club card points.

He doesn’t sound like he likes you, he doesn’t act like he likes you, your pleasure is not important . He resents looking after the children and if they get upset he twists it and tells you they are upset that you’re not home, to make you have mum guilt, to worry your failing your children. He resents you working and being the breadwinner.

What exactly does he bring to the table @Disagreeable ?

He resents you being the breadwinner @Disagreeable but he's very happy to live off of the money that you bring in.
If you bite the hand that feeds you ...
He needs to get what's coming to him! Leave this vile specimen to fend for himself.

I honestly can't even imagine a scenario where you'd want to so much as attempt having sex with him.

As much as I want the OP to LTB, I worry what it would be like to co-parent with this man child.

He sounds very manipulative.

That’s obviously not a reason to stay of course.

I actually think if you told him you were leaving he’d be very contrite and promise the Earth. He’ll be terrified of being on his own. But it wouldn’t mean anything. He won’t change, OP.

Misophonia isn't something people experience just to be difficult or annoying, it's a genuine phobia, and if you're ND, those slurping noises can be pretty unbearable. Bitter experience speaking, here.

Sorry wrong thread

Ah, @Disagreeable , you sound anything but. You sound like you're trying to put a brave face on things as you realise that your marriage is collapsing. Your h sounds a really nasty piece of work. Insecure and negging you to make himself feel better.

Almost everyone here has agreed that they would find all the belching and groans impossible to live with and a turn-off. They are what your h thinks of you. He doesn't love you; he resents you.

What happens when you ask him to turn off the TikTok videos in bed?

He's a disrespectful arse. And you? You sound funny, intelligent, self aware. You deserve so much more.

After the train incident I messaged him a forthright message to say he absolutely cannot call me during office hours to shout at me and that it was totally unacceptable. He started to reply but then thought better of it and haven't heard from him all day. Really don't want an argument when I get home.

Only benefit of him being mad is he sulks and that means no burping loudly in the evenings! Hahaha.

Oh, so he CAN choose not to do it? Interesting 🤔

I hope you have a peaceful evening.

I’m sitting here listening to DH having hiccups and burping at the same time and it’s making me feel so grumpy after a long and stressful day! It made me think of this thread so I came back to show some solidarity!

I think the burping is just his way to tell you : I don't respect you and I don't care about your feelings. If he would be a great man all around except for the sounds it would be obe thing, but clearly this has got more to it. You're working while he is "sometimes" working. You need to fix all diy because he can't be bothered. He is not a good model for a respectful man and how one should treat one's partner for his sons. So what does he bring to the table besides his burps? I won't say ltb because it's a too lightweigthy respons to a serious decision but atleast take a step back and look at your life now and in ten years from now. Also he gaslights you when telling you you're uptight like your mum because you don't enjoy hearing his burps while eating. You're very funny OP (you made me laugh out load) but sometimes humour can work as a defense to minimise the hurt. And I think you feel hurt and utterly unloved by his behaviour globally and something has got to change because you merit a partner who loves and respects you.🌷

So he's at home and he can't deal with a small crying child, he has to call you to sort it even though you're working, 11 mobile messages, in that time he could have sorted it.
He's useless, he doesn't respect you and he's a terrible influence for your DC.
If you won't divorce then disengage Op, no more crap sex, no looking after him or paying more than your share

Your husband has given me the Ick.
Christ he sounds absolutely disgusting.

Definitely ick material

Separate bedrooms? Not unusual - you need your sleep

Forget the groaning and burping, as awful as it is. He's not working this week and you were still having to manage the kids, even as you're currently under huge amounts of pressure?

Having a job / being the main breadwinner doesn't absolve you of parental responsibility but this is on top of him refusing to help you with the fence?

I can't help thinking that he's feeling somewhat emasculated, hence the passive aggressive remark about you being a feminist. And yet, there's plenty he could do to feel better about himself.

It’s not relaxing, it’s relieving his discomfort. He needs to see a doctor; probably needs to change his diet, and learn some manners.

I have the ick on your behalf! YANBU

Ugh… It’s slurping soup off a spoon, here.
Having stew tonight. Just stick the spoon in your mouth!!!
Plus all of the other annoying man noises…

Big ick energy