To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

Why would women pretend to be happy about being single on an anonymous website?

It’s true! I’ll find the name of it for you as you seem interested 😂 I’m sure I have an annoying tick too, but I wouldn’t slurp or eat noisily, that’s just disgusting. Edit- it’s called misophonia

Laughing at some of the earlier comments. OP you're absolutely horrid - gobbling food, burping, being crap at sex and talking about Tesco clubcard points are symptoms of terminal cancer and you'll feel awfully, awfully bad for not dragging him to the doctors because men aren't encouraged to deal with their own health and instead suffer like brave martyrs and this is women's fault for bringing boys up wrong.

It’s MUCH nicer being single than being with an inconsiderate joy sponge.

A total coincidence too that many contributors to these threads all refer to exes and/or now being single. But they’re definitely happy about that. Definitely.

Is it really that hard to believe that some women wont put up with this vile behaviour?

Happily married over here. I just wouldn't want to put up with what the OP describes.

Im happily single . I have someone interested. I was considering a date but he has told me he eats fast. lol
Now I love my food but I love the social aspect of it and can’t stand people wolfing it down like they have never been fed before 😂also I don’t being embarrassed if out for a meal .
Greed is so off putting for me.

For your husband ,, Burping can be done quietly also he can help the wind as he is wolfing his food down .
Other wind I feel can be taken to another room (preferably the bathroom )
I am no snob but I know and expect basic manners lol .
I have a choice not to get into these situation these things really are deal breakers for me.

My point is you are entitled to have your what’s needs and have standards and ask for basic manners.

Your husband is comfortable and doesn’t care about I pressing you anymore.
Being loud is like a child wanting attention from his mum. A tad jealous of the children you have together I’d say.

If you were dating this man and had the “ick” you would be told to dump him. .

If you have went off your dh then that’s it these things happen . Only so much you can talk to him with him not listening or trying .

When did this behaviour start ?

It has been getting worse in the last 2 years. I do think sometimes he might be depressed. He shuffles around groaning and muttering to himself. He wont go to the doctors. For anything. I do feel like an unsympathetic person for finding it all so off putting.

Also with the sex - he just pulls me on top of him and just lies there.

We seem so different these days. He says I'm a snob.

I'm struggling to see a single non-repulsive trait/behaviour here, sorry. Having basic standards of hygiene, social skills and sex is not being a snob imo.

Stop having sex with him. Why would you bother.

Get away get away get away - he sounds grim & you deserve so much better.

No he’s a slob and lazy .

Hoe stay stop having sec with him and especially doing all the work. I am sure this will trigger him to want a convo . Also if he doesn’t like his feeling being hurt … tough!

OP are you happy?

Dear God I could not live like this. He has zero respect for you.

Two can play that game.

Next time you cook dinner for yourself and the DC, don’t make any for him and tell him “sorry, I’m such a strong feminist type that I don’t believe in cooking for a man. You’ll have to make your own.”

Repeat for any task that is stereotypically considered wimmin’s work (of which I’m guessing he doesn’t do much of?)

Ok I’ve read the updates and completely changed my perspective re medical. It’s quite clear if it’s controllable elsewhere then it’s not that. I would agree with you about perhaps depression and / or being unhappy in the marriage as well and not being able to articulate it? I agree with another poster who said perhaps trying (consciously or unconsciously) to bring things to a stop.

I couldn’t put up with this and it feels a v slippery slope. Even if it’s just trying to teach the children manners! They always go through phases with that themselves and the humour but you need reinforcement that it’s not how you behave. My 15 yr old DD looks like an angel but has got a current habit of doing ridiculous deep burps and has a ‘rate the burp’ with her friend 🙄 They are the sweetest girls going and doing it as a phase, mainly as a thing between them but occasionally around me and I’ve put my foot down substantially and reiterated that it’s not ok. Me and her dad don’t behave like that etc. and it seems to be stopping. If your DH is doing this of his own will and proclaiming humour / relaxation / it’s ok - then you won’t stand a chance with the kids.

@treesocks23 I agree. My kids are boys and I have nightmarish thoughts of the 3 of them in a couple of years all burping and making "light heartened" jokes about me being uptight.

Ugh - he sounds like an absolute ogre.

Now he's got you and the kids, he doesn't need to care anymore. He figures it's all set for life and he can burp and fart his way to the grave and you'll be there to look after hime. He sounds bloody awful. Do you want this to be what your boys think a man is supposed to be like. This will be them in a few years and what you will be seeing and listening to for the rest of your life.

It's been constant for 25 years, probably post nasal drip..however it was 100 times worse when he smoked

OP, I’m sorry but he sounds repulsive. He’s horrible to you. I cannot see what he is bringing to your life that is positive and he dies appear to actively dislike / resent you. If I had a choice of being single or being with someone who behaved like this, being single sounds joyful by comparison.

apart from anything else, he is imprinting your children with disgusting behaviour which will impact negatively on them for the rest of their lives. Horrible thought.

I'm just lying here on the sofa myself this evening have a blissfully quiet and peaceful night as my DH is away with work.

The house is silent.

It's amazing.

I know exactly what you mean. There is just so much noise when DH is here. Coughs, throat clearing, just random noises, up down in and out of cupboards, up and down the stairs, fidgeting, noisy eating & drinking etc.

I really love my quiet evenings and have often wondered whether this means I ought to be alone or not!

It’s such a shame he won’t see the doctor because he sounds quite ill physically as well as possibly depressed. What are going to do, OP? It doesn’t sound bearable to continue with this level of disgust and anger.

Yeah, I had noticed that. I get what you're saying but the OP would probably be happier out of it. Maybe her DH would too.

Gosh, you know your old garb. I'm not so familiar with those terms. 😊

I fear this will happen if you don’t set boundaries and teach your kids their dad has a lack of respect and vile habits. You’re up against it if other men in his family are the same.

As for him calling you a snob, that’s laughable. You’re really not. You just expect him to behave how he’d be expected to behave in most workplaces, with wider family or with any woman with any self-respect. It’s pretty basic stuff.

You need a serious talk. He needs to reflect on why he’s let his standards slip and what he’s going to do about it. He also needs to decide what he’s offering in your relationship. Then you need to decide if you want what he now has to offer.