To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

People are very quick to say bin the partner. let's face it, it's not that simple. Children involved.

Honestly OP, I don't know how you live with that level of contempt and disrespect. The cheeky fuck. You deserve better than that mate

Oh. My. Word.

What a hypocrite. He has a lot to learn. Maybe a few books for Xmas?

I daresay he’d pass off such boorish, insensitive and hypocritical behaviour as ‘banter’. Men with his attitude really should be careful. For a lot of us, the menopause has been a time of enlightenment. Realising our own personal limits for what behaviour from certain men we’ll tolerate. And acting accordingly.

😐 Speechless. Funny how such childish people who claim farting in company is ‘natural’ always manage not to do it during job interviews, on early dates or indeed when in the company of anyone they’re wanting to impress.

On the other hand, when it comes to people they have no respect for or believe they no longer need to impress (or so they think)…

This is the crux of it. If people lack the self-awareness to realise it’s disrespectful, ill-mannered and a guaranteed turn-off in ALL company, you have to tell them. A caring, decent person (as @Dollybantree’s DH is) will get it.

If they still don’t get it, it means they accept you’ll go off them. If they don’t care about that, you have to hang onto your own self-respect and plan an exit strategy. And in the meantime, avoid them as much as poss.

We definitely are not. Neither DH or I sit there doing performatively loud belches, lie on the sofa doing performatively long loud groans, or sit there with snot hanging from our noses. In fact nobody I know does these things.
Slurping drinks isn't nice, but OP's H is in another league.

This isn’t really about the noises. He’s being abusive by baiting you and deliberately provoking you. He’s getting a lot of toxic enjoyment from deliberately upsetting you.
He doesn’t give a fuck how you feel and I wouldn’t hesitate in returning the sentiment.

Once someone starts displaying this contemptuous behaviour the relationship is over.

He is not the "provider". I am
And this is why he cannot contain his contempt for you @Disagreeable .
You have humiliated him by earning more than him and he has to punish you for it, he has to denigrate you by belching and farting at you in order to put you beneath him where you belong.

@Mrsbloggz has it. Along with competing with the children for attention.

He sounds absolutely disgusting in multiple ways. Does he have any good qualities at all? (Genuine question- something is keeping you there.)

How old are the kids?

Could he go into the kitchen & clear up/load the dishwasher rather than lounging straight onto the sofa like a Roman emporer?
Might help his digestion being upright

it's not like he has any sympathy for me. i had a couple of spots on my chin and said 'i wonder if this is hormonal changes now i'm getting closer to 40' and he said 'fuck me, i cannot believe i'm going to have to deal with you during the menopause at some point, you're emotional enough as it is'

OMG.
It gets worse.
Reply along the lines of
I'm dealing with a grumpy old windbag already. I didn't realise I'd married your father.

@Disagreeable
You need to start pushing back hard, treat him as badly as he treats you .... and then some, you've got a lot of catching up to do 😈

My DH has an arsehole out of which he pushes shit at least once a day. He refuses to get it sewn shut. Is this coercive control?

Exactly this. And that’s why he’s my ex (along with lots of other unspeakable rubbish he put me through)

he said 'fuck me, i cannot believe i'm going to have to deal with you during the menopause at some point, you're emotional enough as it is'

Kick that misogynistic, cheeky, snottery, mannerless, disgusting bag of wind, out on his arse and he doesn't need to deal with you at all. Fucking Prick.

Honestly, we should just be allowed to make beautiful handbags out of these 'men'.

My friend and I were seated next to a solo man in a café at the weekend, who sat there loudly coughing, blowing his nose, groaning, slurping, sniffing and smacking his lips as we were trying to enjoy a coffee and a chat.

We got up and moved to another table, it was unbearable and quite unbelievable that someone could have such a lack of self awareness.

My friend is a 53 year old man and he was just as disgusted by it as I was.

Do you really think this or is it just a bit of "fuck men" hyperbole in the tone of this thread? It sounds really extreme and pretty implausible to me. Do you think it's a conscious process, like his interior monologue is "I'll show her <burp>! That taught her <groan>!" or do you think it's more instinctive in men to behave like this.

If it was instinctive he’d be doing it to everybody.

Bad choice of words. I should have said "subconscious". I mean is he doing it subconsciously in response to the stimulus of his DW earning more than him or is it planned? Obviously I'm just asking to point up the ridiculousness of the claim!

Are you new to MN!?

Leaning forward to burp v loudly while lying on the sofa while me and the kids eat our dinner a couple of metres from him - you don't think that is intentional disrespect? @GoldsolesLugs He doesn't do it with other people. I have told him i find it gross. he tells me to chill out. the kids now giggle and imitate him and then say 'mummy will you tell us off' and then doing massive fake burps.

i have no idea where its coming from - but i certainly feel disrespected and unheard.

Nothing wrong with checking tyres before you set out. That's better than being stranded somewhere.

Every time?!

Yes, why?