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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate curly hair….

173 replies

Vodkalimeandlemonade · 15/12/2024 21:43

Dd has curly hair, it’s a nightmare, always tangled and looks a mess. Can’t just run a brush through it to make it look tidier.

It’s matted in the morning so needs wetting or washing, can’t use a hair dryer as it frizzes up, so ends up making her clothes wet despite towel drying.

My other dd and I have straight silky hair which is quick and easy so I have no idea how to manage curls and neither it seems do hairdressers as their advice doesn’t seem to work. Hair cuts seem to make it harder to manage not easier as it goes more curly.

We have spent a fortune trying products, accessories and hairdressers. The options seem to be put up with it looking frizzy, and a nightmare in the wind and rain or put products on it and it looks permanently wet and feels sticky!

OP posts:
Annabella92 · 15/12/2024 21:44

I bet she has a beautiful wee head of hair

liveforsummer · 15/12/2024 21:44

Look in to curly girl method. Dd11 had very curly hair and we've been following it since she was about 4

DinkyDale · 15/12/2024 21:45

See a curly hair specialist. They'll do a proper cut, and can help with advice re managing it

Martymcfly24 · 15/12/2024 21:46

Dd also has really curly hair and the matting is unbelievable..I have had to cut out pieces.
She is also autistic and has serious sensory issues with her hair.
Will be following in case anyone has any tips...

TTPDTS · 15/12/2024 21:47

Definitely see a curly hair specialist hairdresser! There are some great ones, perhaps if you give a vague location, people could help?

Please don't hate your daughter's hair - she might pick up on it and decide she doesn't like it either. I know I find silk pillows + bonnets very helpful for sleeping in, but it depends what hair type your daughter has.

Original poster
Vodkalimeandlemonade · 15/12/2024 21:49

I should add dd is now 17, so manages it herself but I have to bite my tongue often because it looks so sticky and wet with all the products slathered on to tame it!

OP posts:
DILLEYDALLEY · 15/12/2024 21:49

As a black woman with afro hair let me give you some advice.

Please don't ever refer to hating your child's curly hair, especially when you have a daughter who has it. Please don't compare her curls you dislike so much to silky straight hair.

What you should dislike is your inability to manage it.

My son has thick, afro hair. It's thicker than mine, coarse, tight, and beautiful. I have spent hours researching products and have found a routine that works for us.

Mu daughter's hair is more European and curly, and requires different products to mine and my son's.

Only ever brush it wet, as dry leads to frizz.

You can't do anything about her curls unless you plan on cutting them off, so no point moaning about it. Find what works and embrace it.

Original poster
Vodkalimeandlemonade · 15/12/2024 21:50

TTPDTS · 15/12/2024 21:47

Definitely see a curly hair specialist hairdresser! There are some great ones, perhaps if you give a vague location, people could help?

Please don't hate your daughter's hair - she might pick up on it and decide she doesn't like it either. I know I find silk pillows + bonnets very helpful for sleeping in, but it depends what hair type your daughter has.

We have seen several supposed experts but not sure if they really are! North west eng.

OP posts:
Cafecontribution · 15/12/2024 21:50

My daughter has curls and it’s the most beautiful thing

SharpOpalNewt · 15/12/2024 21:50

I found DD2's curly hair much easier to manage than DD1's straighter but thick and wavy hair, which like mine as a kid was prone to matting. If hair tangles at night, plait it.

3luckystars · 15/12/2024 21:51

Use a tangle teaser brush. You can tie it up, or plait it. It’s not her fault, and not something to get annoyed about.

ObliviousCoalmine · 15/12/2024 21:52

Vodkalimeandlemonade · 15/12/2024 21:49

I should add dd is now 17, so manages it herself but I have to bite my tongue often because it looks so sticky and wet with all the products slathered on to tame it!

What's the matter with you?

Wolfpa · 15/12/2024 21:53

You sound like a joy, do you often tell your daughter that you dislike parts of her?

she could try cowashing and wrapping her hair in a silk headscarf to sleep

Butthechildrentheylovethebooks · 15/12/2024 21:53

As pp said never brush curly hair dry.

Research the curly girl routine and help your DD find a routine and products that work. It might seems like a lot of effort but it is worth it.

BoyzIIMen · 15/12/2024 21:53

Give her a silk or satin pillowcase to sleep on or get a silky bonnet or durag to wear to bed.

DILLEYDALLEY · 15/12/2024 21:54

Vodkalimeandlemonade · 15/12/2024 21:49

I should add dd is now 17, so manages it herself but I have to bite my tongue often because it looks so sticky and wet with all the products slathered on to tame it!

The only reason I knew how to look after my own afro hair from a young age was because my mother and father both taught me. Did you research and teach your daughter how to look after her curls?

Onlyvisiting · 15/12/2024 21:55

I have frizzy curly/wavy hair
1- at 17 you need to back off. Your obsession and wish to tell her that her hair looks crap is shitty.
2- only ever brush it wet in the shower with conditioner it.
3- don't leave it loose at night or when out in the wind and rain. Look up protective hair styles. I rarely have my hair down as I CBA with managing it. But if she sleeps with it loose it will be a rats nest in the morning.
Seriously, did it never occur to you to plait it at night when she was a child??

3luckystars · 15/12/2024 21:55

Only brush it when you wash it. Never brush dry curly hair. Get a decent brush and products.

Pippa12 · 15/12/2024 21:56

What are you using on it? Have you tried only curls? They do a specific range for children. Shampoo, conditioner, curl cream and gel (apply in that order) scrunch dry with microfibre towel then hairdry with a diffuser (don’t dry without one!) Pop on a silk bonnet and swap her pillowcase out for a silk one for easier mornings!

Please don’t let your daughter pick up on your dislike for her hair- that would be awful. You need to invest time and research styling methods/products that work for her. Curls are fantastic- she needs help now to embrace them!

Putthekettleon73 · 15/12/2024 21:56

Don't hate it! I have curly hair and my daughter does. Yes it's hard to brush with little ones but I've learned to love mine and how to look after it.
Tangle teezer no more tears brand spray is wonderful. It contains Shea butter and really helps make brushing less painful. Leave in conditioner spray for the mornings.

I always brush and plait my daughter's hair before bed to avoid it getting matted in the morning.

liveforsummer · 15/12/2024 21:57

I agree many half dressers will claim to know about curly hair but don't. I cut dd's hair myself now as I got fed up of it! As she's 17 she could look in to it herself. The curly girl Facebook page is very helpful with methods and has albums of products that are suitable. It's so simple - DD's hair takes about a minute in the morning and many of the products are very cheap

3luckystars · 15/12/2024 21:59

She is 17? Sorry I missed that. Nuala Morey is a real curly hair expert. I’d ask her for help, she is expensive, treat your lovely daughter.

OhMaria2 · 15/12/2024 21:59

I'd snap my arm off for curls! The number of terrible perms Ive had trying to achieve that too, blimey!

Putthekettleon73 · 15/12/2024 22:00

Jeez. She's 17?! Poor love.

I fought mine as a teen and my mum didn't know what to do with it. I tried to brush out the curls and it looked a frizzy mess.

Went to the hairdresser's and got decent layers for curly hair and no kidding, kids at school thought I was a new girl.

She needs decent layers and depending on the type of curl a good curl cream or mousse that suits her hair type and let her be.

InactionIsAWeaponOfMassDestruction · 15/12/2024 22:02

If it’s feasible, a trip to Spring hairdressers in Birmingham would be well worth the money. Also what @Pippa12 suggests. The curl cream & gel should be applied to wet hair. Scrunch the moisture out with a bamboo or microfibre towel & dry with diffuser. Run some oil through the dry curls with fingers.