To hate curly hair….

[Vodkalimeandlemonade]

Dd has curly hair, it’s a nightmare, always tangled and looks a mess. Can’t just run a brush through it to make it look tidier.

It’s matted in the morning so needs wetting or washing, can’t use a hair dryer as it frizzes up, so ends up making her clothes wet despite towel drying.

My other dd and I have straight silky hair which is quick and easy so I have no idea how to manage curls and neither it seems do hairdressers as their advice doesn’t seem to work. Hair cuts seem to make it harder to manage not easier as it goes more curly.

We have spent a fortune trying products, accessories and hairdressers. The options seem to be put up with it looking frizzy, and a nightmare in the wind and rain or put products on it and it looks permanently wet and feels sticky!

If you and her sister have straight hair I'm wondering if the products she is using are actually too heavy?

My hair is wavy rather than full on curly, but my hair is relatively fine and a lot of curly hair products weigh it down and make it look greasy.

I've found the best results with just shampoo, conditioner and hair gel. Then dry with diffuser and scrunch out the gel once fully dry. It might be worth her trying to strip her routine back. If her hair still looks wet even when dry then she's probably not scrunching out the products.

She also needs a diffuser if she doens't want it drip drying - this one is amazing https://www.amazon.co.uk/Diva-Professional-Styling-Dryer-Diffuser/dp/B07JR28SXJ/ref=asc_df_B07JR28SXJ?mcid=af87e348fd0731849bdcb4c64060f6b8&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697221436939&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2427133300544638571&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9189784&hvtargid=pla-650909955513&psc=1&gad_source=1

This is tragic - there is SO much you could do.

Use your logic, Unless you go to a hairdresser who has naturally curly frizzy hair, how on earth would they know!? Also you/she could never professionally blow dry curly hair, like a highly experienced first class hairdresser can.

A few tips:

Never rough blow dry curly hair. You need heat, so use a diffuser, but do not blast it. Or sit by a log burner if you’re lucky enough to have one.

Put some serum in it when it’s wet (not gallons as it will look greasy).

To enhance the curls if bits are frizzy, twist sections round and round your finger and let it dry like that. Obviously you do loads of sections around the head.

When dry finish off with more serum on the ends if necessary and put some Shine spray on it (online Toni & Guy).

IMPORTANTLY next at night, she needs a silky sleep hat. They do them for either long or short hair. She will wake up with soft feeling curls, and she won’t look like a scarecrow that has to do her hair all over again.

Another excellent thing is a silk padded hair band (Etsy). When the hair is damp, you brush sections, and wrap it round and round that.

Best to do it afternoon/ early evening keeping the band on overnight and also using the silky sleep hat to protect it when she’s asleep.
Wake up with the most amazing wavy curly hair.
The finish really is to die for.

Believe me, I know because I have hair like your daughters!! Be brave and go for it, because it’s is SIMPLE.

You will need to invest, but it’s so worth it:

Silky night hat £25
Silk padded hair band £30
Serum price varies
Shine spray Toni & Guy £12

This.

You put it perfectly

I agree with @StatisticallyChallenged about heavy products. I have 2c/3a hair (though, for a number of reasons, I usually wear it straight) and have learned to stay away from products designed for type 4, because they weigh my hair down and make it look greasy.

There are endless resources available to your daughter online, so her curls needn't be frizzy or crunchy. Moisture vs protein; hair porosity; cream vs gel; hair oils; diffusing with a hair dryer vs air drying; using oil to "scrunch out the crunch".

Oh, and she doesn't have to wake up each day with tangled hair. She can tie it up on top of her head with a satin scrunchy, then wear a satin bonnet to sleep in. I promise that will make a huge difference.

Please don't ever refer to hating your child's curly hair, especially when you have a daughter who has it. Please don't compare her curls you dislike so much to silky straight hair.

This is what I was going to say.

What a horrible attitude to have towards your daughter’s physical features, OP. If you’re not going to help her learn to manage her curls (which, after 17 years of being her mum, you’d have thought you’d have done long before now - Google is free) then back off and let her work it out without your judgement.

Is this really something you want to endorse? Professionally straightened with chemicals, hammering into this child the idea that curly hair = bad and fostering shame in her appearance? You must have seen the sheer volume of comments here all with great advice on how to properly manage curly hair, and your solution is a practice which seriously damages hair?

I wouldn't straighten it chemically, not least because even my very coarse and curly hair will straighten very decently with good tongs. I don't do it partly because of the time it takes and partly because I really love my curly hair, which feels like a huge (literally!) part of my picture of myself.

I voted YANBU as I too have curly hair and experience the same issues! Everyone else loves it but it is a real pain to manage and doesn't get any better with age unfortunately.

"Is this really something you want to endorse? Professionally straightened with chemicals, hammering into this child the idea that curly hair = bad and fostering shame in her appearance?"

@theallotmentqueen
I think that ship has sailed - OP has said her daughter is 17!

Possibly controversial but I NEVER scrunch, makes mine really frizzy. Fine, curly European hair. Wash and condition every 3 or 4 days with moisturising shampoo and conditioner. Comb oil mixed with a bit of curl cream through when still wet and then don't touch it again til next time. Silk wrap at night. Very low effort and it looks so much better now than it did at any point in the 40 years I spent fighting it (prompted by my mother making comments similar to the OPs btw. Not helpful. Or pleasant).

Not controversial - everyone needs to learn what their own hair does. I still get excited when I see new products and techniques to try!

Has anyone used Kurl Kitchen or my little coco range. I think it can be managed with the right products. My hair is curly and really thick I got a detangler brush in boots which helped

It often doesn’t work if you have any scalp problems/ dry skin or are prone to oily skin/ hair. Also some people find it makes fine hair too flat so the hair looks ok but it’s not a flattering shape as it’s too weighed down. I’m sure it’s very effective for lots of people but it doesn’t work for all curly hair and it’s not because they don’t understand it or do it right.

@ThatTealViewer Oh it made me cross too. Gave me flashbacks to the 90s/00s where all the adverts were about getting rid of your 'horrible' curls for sleek hair 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

Re Curly Girl I think it's because I have a lot of very fine hair and washing it with conditioner was weighing it down. I persevered for a month or two then gave up. My curls spiral but are quite loose and I worked out I need a sea salt shampoo, extremely limited conditioner and a good amount of gel for the best results :)

Yes it’s hard to manage

I’ve got naturally frizzy hair. Some people will say all frizzy hair is curly hair not being managed correctly, but I disagree.
The amount of work, tools and products that has to go in to making my hair curly means it is not its natural state at all.
So many people hate frizzy hair. It’s seen as an undesirable flaw that has to be fixed. But I’ve learned to embrace mine. It is actually so much easier to lean into it than to fight it.
Ever since I was a kid I have had a near never ending stream of negative comments and advice about my hair.
Since all this curly girl method stuff started, it’s gotten even worse.
Why can’t people just have frizzy hair? What’s so bad about it?

❤️

Don’t go down the route of “me and my other DD have lovely straight silky hair and yours is shit”

Find a way to love her curls otherwise she will pick up on it.

Does anyone know a good curly hairdresser in or near Newcastle upon Tyne? My DD isn’t coming home from uni for Xmas so can’t see our regular hairdresser, but she says she badly needs a haircut. Thx

you don't know how to handle her hair

watch videos on youtube

my main tips would be don't towel dry or comb after washing just squeeze out excess moisture then use a curl cream and gel

you can blow dry it, just use a hairdryer with diffuser

Looks fab 👍🏻😊

I have curly hair but usually end up straightening it as I hate the feel of products on my hair and without them it looks a frizzy mess. I also never know what to do with it on day 2 to stop the frizz. I'm always envious when I see people with lovely curls!

I have a keratin treatment every 4-6 months. It doesn't completely straighten it, just reduces the frizz. My hair isn't damaged, but a bit easier to manage.

Neither did my mom. I looked like Sideshow Bob as a kid and got some stick at school until I got to about 13 or 14 and skipped school dinners and used the money to buy Umberto Giannini pink range. I lost a lot of weight too just eating fruit for lunch.