To hate curly hair….

[Vodkalimeandlemonade]

Dd has curly hair, it’s a nightmare, always tangled and looks a mess. Can’t just run a brush through it to make it look tidier.

It’s matted in the morning so needs wetting or washing, can’t use a hair dryer as it frizzes up, so ends up making her clothes wet despite towel drying.

My other dd and I have straight silky hair which is quick and easy so I have no idea how to manage curls and neither it seems do hairdressers as their advice doesn’t seem to work. Hair cuts seem to make it harder to manage not easier as it goes more curly.

We have spent a fortune trying products, accessories and hairdressers. The options seem to be put up with it looking frizzy, and a nightmare in the wind and rain or put products on it and it looks permanently wet and feels sticky!

Please help her find the right hair care routine instead of hating her hair. You are hating a part of her.

Dd goes to a hairdresser who only does her hair type. She has braids because that protects her natural hair. She looks lovely and it works for her hair.

Yabu

Depending on where you are in the North West this is my curly hairdresser, she's fab.
https://www.fresha.com/a/the-curly-cow-westhoughton-bolton-1-market-street-c42h28ps

I have naturally curly hair. When I was 19 a woman I worked with asked if I could do something with it as it as it didn't look professional. I then spent the next 15 years straightening it every time I left the house :(

It was only having daughters with the same curls that helped me push though the feelings that curly hair was inferior and I started the curly girl method with my daughters. Initially it took a bit of getting used to but I now love my curls!

It shows though how comments can stick with us and affect how we see ourselves.

Don't towel dry curly hair, try a diffuser. I only ever comb my hair when it's wet and has conditioner in it.

Absolutely no reason for it to look like this. She’s using too much product. But I do feel the pain, it took me best part of 40 years to figure it out.

I like the Umberto Gianini products but use the gel/curl cream sparingly.

I have curly hair, no one had a clue what to do as child and so I looked ridiculous,
over many years I taught myself how to look after it properly and now it looks great. my tips are…

Moroccan oil/ argan oil is your daughter’s friend, a little curl cream can be useful but not too much as it’ll go

brush when wet after washing with conditioner

never brush when dry

wash infrequently once or twice per week

Rinse off conditioner in a sink of cold water to prevent to much product being washed away.

dry by using an old t shirt on head instead of towel to slow drying time and retain moisture

finger comb with a little water in morning to detangle then gently scrunch with argan oil

plait or tie up in a very high topknot at night to avoid tangles, same in bad weather.

twirl sections of hair gently after washing to form coils or spirals, twirl the sections of hair around face away from the face, then alternate the direction of twirling for each section there after.

Go crispy

that should say

Has it really been a nightmare, OP? I'm late 40s with very curly hair and there has been plenty of information about how to manage it and what to put on it for the last 30 years at least.

This is my hair - no it's not perfect
However - it's not hard to keep it in ok, in not matted condition
I've just washed it.

I have curly hair and it really is my crowning glory. I’ve always felt really lucky to have it.

It needs to never be brushed, never have a towel go near it and it’s cut by a ‘deva curl’ trained hairdresser only.

As she's 17 is it still your problem?

I've tried Lee Stafford and Only Curls. I prefer the Lee Stafford range, personally, but both are worth a try.

Your daughter's hair probably looks wet and over-producted because she thinks hair has to be flat in order to be neat. Curly hair won't do that without a ton of heavy product that will leave it greasy and wet looking.

I have to bite my tongue often because it looks so sticky and wet with all the products slathered on to tame it!

So you couldn’t figure it out yet you’re still good to criticize it.

Boo-fucking-hoo… you made it look terrible for her growing up and it wasn’t easy… Maybe you should have educated yourself then and just back off and let her figure it out now that she’s got some autonomy.

Tie it up in a satin scrunchie and put a satin bonnet on at night (Google it).
Look up curly girl method.
And try not to let her know that you like your other daughter's 'silky' hair better 🙄

I also have poker straight hair and was so happy to get two curly girls. I love curls, especially untamed ones! Yes, it is challenging having to unlearn everything you knew about haircare, but so worth it.

Your dd is 17, so now responsible for her own hair. But perhaps you could treat her to a visit to a specialist salon. There is also a book on the curly girl method which I found very useful when mine were younger. Finally, send positive messages to your dd, encourage her to take joy in her hair rather than 'taming' it.

As she's 17 is it still your problem?

I’m not the OP, but in a way, yes. At 17yo no way my curly child could have afforded the hairdresser visits and specialty product their hair needs. So, yes, I consider that a parent problem at 17yo. I financed mine’s hair requirements until they finished uni and got a professional job. Then, of course, they took over that aspect of it. Was very different to my other kids who could just go to the hairdresser in local shopping centre for a fraction of the price and could get away with standard shelf products. They all financed their hair themselves at that age from casual work as they wanted fashion dye jobs, funky cuts etc but these were ‘choice’ over and above a standard cut, so they paid for that choice.

Your poor daughter!

I bet her hair is gorgeous.

Yes she loves it but gets frustrated with it too.

We recently paid to get it cut but it has been worse since as they took too much off I think so somehow it doesn’t hang right now. We never know what to ask for eg layers or no layers, grading or not etc.

i think she hates it when it frizzes so to combat that either puts it up and gels it heavily or washes it, conditions it and puts tonnes of curl cream on, then hairsprays it so basically it doesn’t move and feels wet and sticky. This is when it doesn’t look great.

i keep suggesting a bit less product might look better but it’s tricky as she knows I haven’t really got a clue what I’m talking about!

im worried she’s damaging her hair with too much product and heavy frizz easing shampoo , but when I go shopping it’s a bit of a minefield.

She doesn't need a hairdresser she needs a better mother.

?

Curly hair springs up when it dries so the hairdresser probably hasn't taken too much off.

This is what I do with the Lee Stafford products:

Wash hair with shampoo.
Apply curly hair mask/deep conditioner, leave on 10 mins, rinse off.
Apply conditioner, leave on 2 mins, rinse off.
Scrunch hair oil into ends of hair
Scrunch serum into ends of hair
Apply either custard cream product or gel depending on how defined I want curls to be. I sometimes twist it with my fingers if I can be bothered though I tend to prefer a less structured/ringletty look than that gives.

Leave to dry naturally (or you could diffuse it to hurry it along a bit)

Don't brush it unless you're washing it immediately afterwards!

I normally wash my hair the night before I want it to look good as it takes a while to dry.

There are YouTube videos she can watch for all of the curly hair product ranges which will show her how to apply the products.

Curly girl method. Loads of online resources for that. Look it up.

Curly girl method doesn’t work for me. tiktok has some great curly haired creators. Get her looking there for one with similar hair to her and follow their routine.