To hate curly hair….

[Vodkalimeandlemonade]

Dd has curly hair, it’s a nightmare, always tangled and looks a mess. Can’t just run a brush through it to make it look tidier.

It’s matted in the morning so needs wetting or washing, can’t use a hair dryer as it frizzes up, so ends up making her clothes wet despite towel drying.

My other dd and I have straight silky hair which is quick and easy so I have no idea how to manage curls and neither it seems do hairdressers as their advice doesn’t seem to work. Hair cuts seem to make it harder to manage not easier as it goes more curly.

We have spent a fortune trying products, accessories and hairdressers. The options seem to be put up with it looking frizzy, and a nightmare in the wind and rain or put products on it and it looks permanently wet and feels sticky!

There is so much information out there on how to care for curly hair. TikTok, Facebook, Instagram all have pages of tutorials etc.

Products are trial and error as to what works best on an individuals hair, but plenty online about techniques on how to apply them.

But definitely no brushing when dry - my hair frizzes even looking at a hairbrush 😂

The other thing I've noticed is if the air inside is really dry (lots of central heating etc) my hair will go frizzy.

@Thecatistheboss oh that's awful, I'm sorry. My parents hadn't a clue how to manage my hair either (despite my mother having curly hair herself - she just kept it cropped very short) but thankfully never did anything drastic and I learned to manage it properly as an adult.

I’ll bet your daughter’s hair is gorgeous, OP. Give me her curls over ‘silky’ straight any day! In fact I’m quite envious of all you curly fair-havers on this thread (my own is just nondescript)

YABVU and nasty.

Me too - I used to get mistaken for a boy even though short haircuts were more common back then (70s).

Mine got a lot less curly when I hit menopause and I miss it now.

You have to go through that stage to come out the other side

It’s always going to be a bit hit and miss finding out what will work for someone’s hair. Following advice given based on the pps experience of their own hair isn’t likely to be that helpful because of the diversity in hair type, damage level etc.

Some advice I think that could be helpful with the information you’ve given us (and I’m reading between the lines a little here) is that if her hair isn’t Afro-Caribbean type is then many of the commercially available products that are marketed for curls and coils probably won’t work for her. They are likely to be too heavy, and too moisturising which can promote frizz.

All my hair products aside from the mousse I use are not marketed for curls and all are from the supermarket so not particularly expensive. There are buy and sell groups for curly hair products on social media so you may be able to sell any products that aren’t working for her and buy some part used products to try at a lower cost.

If your daughter wants to improve her hair I suggest she joins some wavy and curly hair groups on social media to help her learn what might work for her before buying anymore hair products, then take a step back and try some of the techniques. This will help her get the amount of product right. Some of the groups can be quite evangelical so she might need your help in finding the right fit (try looking for groups based in your country too so she can get the products being discussed). It can be a real time sucker both on social media and trying the techniques but once she finds something that works for her she won’t have to wash her hair every day.

Curly girl didn't work for me either, it's not for everyone.

She's 17 and in all that time you never learned how to take care of her hair, thats very sad

Agree that Afro products won't necessarily be right on Euro hair even if it's very curly (though my Euro hair is very coarse and dry and will drink pretty much anything it's given).

Before these big ranges came out, I got pretty decent results from using a light conditioner (ie one designed for fine hair) to finger-twist. Divide lightly blotted hair into sections after washing, conditioning and oil/serum, and twist each section very tight around your finger using a blob of conditioner. It needs to be light conditioner as a heavier conditioner for curly hair will leave the ringlet looking wet and matted.

But as PP have said it does depend on what your hair is like so OP's daughter will need to experiment with a few different techniques and products to work out what showcases her gorgeous curls best.

Came here to mention Nuala Morley too! OP please, please go to her Instagram. If you are anywhere near (within 3 hours I’d say!) then book an appointment with her, go for the weekend, make it a treat! My daughter now lives in Bristol and it’s such an exciting city anyway but if you booked for a haircut too it would be amazing. Because of Nuala I now wear my curly hair longer. I use a curl cream or leave in conditioner and I prefer a foam but also use the Aveda confixor which Nuala recommends. NEVER brush curly hair, always a wide tooth comb. Silk bonnet is great for extending your wash days. Probably just get your daughter to look at the Instagram page but you should embrace what is probably her beautiful hair waiting to be enhanced.

@Vodkalimeandlemonade most hairdressers do not have a clue how to cut curly hair, you're right. They will insist on washing it, and cutting it when wet, which is the worst thing they can do because you need to be able to see the way it will fall after it is cut, as it will spring back a lot more than any of them expect. It has to be cut dry, each individual ringlet / curl cut separately to the length you want.

I cut my hair myself, and have done for years (or my dp cuts it) because hairdressers are useless with it, unfortunately. The last time I went to a hairdresser - a few years ago now - she laughed (openly laughed scornfully 🤣) at my previous cut - that I had done myself - because it wasn't layered in the way it 'should' have been (for straight hair) and when I came out my hair looked absolutely awful for months, until it was able to grow back some bit.

Once or twice I've even tied it back loosely and cut straight across the underside of the ponytail because that leaves the back a bit shorter than the front, which looked really nice.

Hairdressers just cut it as if it's straight, so they cut layers into it, which doesn't work at all. Mine needs the thickness of the multiple layers of hair to look at it's best. If the under layers of hair are cut away it just looks thin and unhealthy. For volume and to properly frame my face there needs to be layers of curls. That could be just me though as my hair is thin.

Also, I don't leave any products in it at all. It doesn't need encouragement to curl, it just curls, and products leave it looking wet and lank. I just wash, condition, comb, towel dry thoroughly, flip my head over and comb upside down, and I'm done.

Might be too much product.
less is often better when using curly hair products.

As someone with curly hair and a family with straight hair who didn't know how to deal with it and spending my formative years hating my hair and being told similar to your message please don't ever tell her your thoughts.

I didn't learn to love and manage my curls until I met my husband (who loves them). Go read up on the curly girl method, and celebrate and love her curls. Don't brush them, don't hairdry them!

You should have educated her and yourself on managing curly hair properly from a young age, from experts. Saying you hate her hair as if it's an inconvenience to you is disgusting. Many people would love curly hair as opposed to "boring straight hair". At 17 it's a bit late, not sure what you're expecting to gain from this thread.

Assume at 17 that she’s on social media - does she follow any curly influencers? Sounds like she’s maybe applying too much product and/or not scrunching out the crunch. Would also recommend sleeping with her hair up in a pineapple and/or silk bonnet/wrap.
Ultimately you have to accept that curly hair is a completely different beast that behaves totally differently than straight hair and you just cannot have control over it in the same way.

This is all on you, I'm afraid. You needed to have learned how to care for curls yourself when she was little - that's her parents responsibility. I've the polar opposite to her in that I've 1a hair & despite what you say, it's not easy at all cos products don't work, curls don't stay (not even perms), most hairdressers can't cut it cos it shows every scissor mark, it slips out of every hair band, clip, stick I've ever tried & gets greasy at the drop of a hat. Your daughter's hair sounds amazing to me, I envy curls of all types.

Two of my 3 boys have my hair & we TOGETHER laugh about it. We found a barber who's able to cut it properly & HE laughs about it too but it's all affectionate. You just sound ashamed & that's awful, I'm afraid. I was fully expecting you to say she was 5 but really you've just come here to bash your teen daughters hair.

Learn how to look after curly hair then....

I can't imagine treating my DDs like that over a feature they were born with!

Well quite, and it’s either as a result of the op’s genetics or those of the man she chose to create a baby with. Daughter had no choice in the curly hair she was given by nature.

I agree with this.

Curly hair is beautiful. You just need to learn how to look after it OP.

This is exactly me! I straightened it for years then one day just couldn't be bothered anymore, the first time I went to work with my real hair everyone thought I'd had a perm and couldn't believe all I'd done was let it dry naturally 😂

Blimey OP, have a word with yourself. Unless you want to give your daughter a lifelong complex that is.

I kept mine very short for years and straightened if any curls emerged. During lockdown it grew and I think it changed post menopause anyway so now I have a head full of curls. My own mother won't believe I haven't done anything to make it this curly 🙄

Can she have it professionally straightened with chemicals near you