To hate curly hair….

[Vodkalimeandlemonade]

Dd has curly hair, it’s a nightmare, always tangled and looks a mess. Can’t just run a brush through it to make it look tidier.

It’s matted in the morning so needs wetting or washing, can’t use a hair dryer as it frizzes up, so ends up making her clothes wet despite towel drying.

My other dd and I have straight silky hair which is quick and easy so I have no idea how to manage curls and neither it seems do hairdressers as their advice doesn’t seem to work. Hair cuts seem to make it harder to manage not easier as it goes more curly.

We have spent a fortune trying products, accessories and hairdressers. The options seem to be put up with it looking frizzy, and a nightmare in the wind and rain or put products on it and it looks permanently wet and feels sticky!

Can anyone recommend a good silk bonnet for afro / black curly hair for sleeping in ?

I have curly hair (not wavy, proper ringlet curls), and I love it. You just have to learn how to manage it properly.

Never ever brush it when dry (never brush it at all actually, only ever comb it with a thick comb). Comb it when wet with conditioner in, or just after washing the conditioner out. Towel dry, comb upside down, and leave it. It will bounce up into it's natural state, and will look great. Don't try to part it, it will find its own parting.

It shouldn't be making clothes wet after being towel dried. Mine is quite long and never leaves my clothes wet. You'll need to dry it more thoroughly, then comb it (upside down) one last time.

You're right about hair dryers, stay well clear of them. I don't own, and have never owned, one.

Edit:
I see people have already given very similar advice to mine, but that the OP hasn't heeded it. That's a real pity because I have no doubt that her daughters's curly hair is really beautiful.

Curly hair is fabulous if you learn how to look after it properly - much nicer than "straight silky hair", which is actually just really boring. How sad for your dd that you have such a negative attitude towards it.

Saying you hate your 17 year olds hair because it's curly is really fucking nasty - hope this helps

She’s 17. It’s too late now. You failed her the poor soul.

And all you had to do was plait it! 😭

Hopefully she will learn to love it.

I spent years getting my hair straightened, but have embraced the curl for the last 15 years or so, semi curly girl method - co wash about once a week, wet it & put a hair wrap on every morning & massage a dilute curl cream in- it's not wet enough to make my clothes damp. If I use too much curl cream it stays looking wet, but I just shake it out loosely with my fingers if that happens. Travel bottle of curl cream in my desk in case it frizzes up, but rarely needed.

I'm a bit of a product junkie, but always end up going back to Cantu - I've had shelves full of their stuff too, but really only need the cowash and curl reviver.

You're treating it like straight hair, with predictably poor results.

Stop trying to brush it.

You should use conditioner to wash it, no shampoo. You can wash DD's scalp easily with conditioner (rub with fingertips). Run a rake through it gently but thoroughly while it's soaked in conditioner, then rinse.

Scrunch to dry with a clean t-shirt. You can add some leave in conditioner or styling gel before scrunching. If you use a hair dryer, use a diffuser attachment.

Plait it overnight (don't pull too tight). Release the plaits in the morning, or leave them in for school neatness. Don't try brushing it or combing it. It can be tied back, plaited, or left free.

Yes, truly horrible value judgements by the OP.

I hope someone in real life will one day tell that child her hair is her crowning glory and to hold her head high.

Agree.

She needs to sleep in a bonnet and use a leave-in conditioner.

Smooth/medium keratin treatments can be helpful to tame the frizz whilst keeping the curl, if your dd wants a more targeted (albeit expensive) approach - there are a few TikTok/instagram accounts which show the process, and based Manchester/Birmingham way I think, but as pp have said you shouldn't be making her feel her hair is inferior to yours, and if she wants to manage her curls without a chemical treatment there's loads of great advice on here.

Well, you're doing it all wrong!

Go to a curly hair specialist who will cut her hair into layers which are more easily managed. They will also give you guidance as to management and styling.

Having boring straight hair is a yawn, but curls and waves are a joy.

I had hair like your daughter, my mother constantly bullied about me about it, I looked like Annie. I was never allowed to wear it down, ever! it looked a mess apparently’ I started having it chemically straightened at 17. Had it done a few times, hair never ever went back to curly, it’s now straight. I wish I’d never had it done, what I wouldn’t give now for those curls. Boots curl cream I used to use

Could you recommend a good clarifying shampoo for curly hair. I’ve tried a few but find that they either aren’t clarifying enough to remove product build-up or they strip the hair so much that it becomes a tangled mess

I have fine, curly hair. I NEVER brush it. I only ever comb it through when washing it. Otherwise I just dampen it and tidy it with my fingers. Aside from shampoo and conditioner, I also only use creamier 'leave in' products or leave in conditioner to style it. I also use my fingers to put it into ringlets every couple of days after washing. The thinner more watery products were useless and mousse or gel dries my hair out, so i avoid these. The larger high street chemists are better for finding appropriate products. Please don't tell her you hate her hair. It just requires different care.

I thought you were going to say she was 6.

Has she considered a perm? I know it sounds crazy but a perm will put manageable curls in to it.

Years ago I worked with a girl who had her curly hair permed.

Ain't this God's own truth! Beautiful.
My son has euro-leaning hair while my daughter has more afro but very fine hair which is super prone to matting and frizzing. Both have beautiful hair and I let them know. And am lucky that I had a lovely Slovakian childminder (she has slightly curly/wavy hair and had a hard time managing it as a child until she moved to the uk). And almost each time when she was getting her ready to go out she would tell her how beautiful her curly hair is. And when I tell her imaginary stories the girl in those stories had brown skin and curl hair. What's not to celebrate there!!!

Another vote for Cantu Curl cream here! I use it on the days I don't wash my hair either, but it helps if your hair is a bit wet, so I tend not to bother with a shower cap. Scrunch some into your hair, leave for a bit then a quick blast of the hairdryer while hanging your head upside down - done! I have been asked many times over the years if I'd like straight hair - no I wouldn't. DD's is straight and very thick and she uses half a ton of detangler every morning just to get the knots out.

@Crumpetandcake for chelating I like bumble and bumble Sunday shampoo
For clarifying then noughty do a good one think it's called hair detox

Please have a look at this Instagram account, it's Nuala Morey's hairdressing salon for tips and products on curly hair. May even want to book an appointment for your daughter.
And please please fix your attitude. I can just imagine how much your daughter hates her hair if her own mother continuously harps on about how much she hates it and can't do anything about it. You come across as really bitter and awful person.

I can't find my original post, but wanted to add that I also don't use a hair drier on it at all (hairdressers always recommended diffusing it, but that always made it look frizzy IME, which isn't for me). I have fine, 'European' curly hair. I let it naturally dry with a cream type hair product on, then shake it out upside down. Products I use at the moment are whichever is handiest / on offer of Elvive Super Blowdry Cream, Elvive Nonstop Dreamy Curls, Elvive No Haircut Cream, Aussie Work that Curl Cream and VO5 Frizz Free Air-Dry Cream. Also, Ors Curls Unleashed, but a smaller amount for me as it's quite thick and my hair isn't. Different products and different amounts of product make it look slightly different. With experience, it's easier to predict how much you need. I hope this helps.

In my very early 20s, I once went to a marketing user survey session (can't remember the actual name for them, sorry) done in a discussion group with 4 other women. I sat there with my curly hair as they all said how awful they thought curly hair looks and how they'd hate to have it (this was in the days when long, sleek, straight hair was the ONLY fashionable way to wear your hair). PP are correct that it feels like there is a stigma around curly hair in that, the current fashion aside, it's not as nice in adults. A lot of hairdressers say they know what to do with it, but really don't. (How can they? Curls are very individual!). Working with my local hairdresser, we found a way that works for me and she now knows how my curl will react. Before this, as a teenager and young adult, I'd see others leaving the salon looking beautiful and I would be leaving a frizzy mess with my hair wispy and sticking out in all directions and it affected my self esteem a lot for a long time. Now, I'm much better at managing it. Please don't say negative things about your daughters hair. With the right care, it will look really lovely.

I have curly hair. As a child my mum cut mine off short like a boy and it affected me so badly. Always be positive to her about her hair.

YouTube tutorials should help a lot.
looking after curly hair is very different from straight hair/ the main thing is don’t brush! Comb through once after washing then leave it alone.

Essential that she gets a cut from a good stylist who really understands curly hair. My hairdresser is great at cutting but diffuses it as she doesn’t want me leaving with damp hair (except when its really warm outside in the summer) it never looks as good as when I do it myself because I air dry it.

1. a good cut
2. comb through once after applying curl cream
3. scrunch
4. air dry
5. sleep on a real silk pillow or use a silk bonnet.

My tips would be
A hairdresser that specializes in curly hair
We only brush her hair when it's wet, with conditioner in it and use a tangle tease
Use a leave in conditioner or curl cream to keep it well condironed
Her hair is long, so we try and plait or french plait it after washing (about 80% dry it first ) and it'll keep it under control between washes (just leave it in for a few days)
If not, we make a 'plop' for her to sleep in so hair can dry naturally
Wash it only twice a week max, sometimes once a week

You need to learn to manage it .. poor kid!
My mum was like you and dragged a brush through it every morning and I had a head of frizz next to my perfect sister 🙄

Have a look at Rochelle's hair range in boots

Le coco or something , especially for curly children

My 16yr old DD has gorgeous curly hair. It’s never matted, and goes down to her bum. She has a silk pillow case, a silk bonnet and manages it very well. When she was young, it always looked frizzy and out of control compared to girls with fine silky hair, but it’s stunning now. People always compliment her on her hair.