I’m buying my own Christmas presents agIn

[Lonelyelf]

NCed for this as other threads are identifying.

me and dc (11) were meant to go Xmas shopping today. Normally I buy my own presents but this year they said they wanted to buy something for me. I scoped out some small gifts in the local shops and thought we could go together, they could choose (I would give them the money) and then we could buy some presents together for other members of the family.

But they have a stomach ache. The kind that is instantly fixed by watching Netflix apparently. Dh is having a nap. He will go out on Xmas eve and get me some shit I don’t want like normal.

I know I know, first world problems. But it’s embarrassing to be with family and have nothing to open. So I’m ordering some books off Amazon that I will wrap up and then unwrap on Christmas Day.

meanwhile, i have of course spent weeks sourcing interesting and thoughtful gifts for the entire family, including dh’s relatives. I’m premenstrual and I just want to cry

aibu to feel incredibly sorry for myself and drown my sorrows in a box of quality street?

yabu - get over yourself
yanbu - just once wouldn’t it be nice if someone asked you what you wanted and then took the time to get it for you

I don't know why it's embarrassing not to have anything to open. I never have anything to open and noone gives it a second thought, it's the norm and they're used to it.

YABU to settle for this shit from your DH. Your kid is 11 and he should have modelled good examples to them. I wouldn't be mad at your DC but accepting this form your DH repeatedly is the downfall.

Go out with DC in the week. Stop getting DH anything and doubly stop for his family!

bloody hell op stop putting up with this shit

Yanbu. It genuinely is the thought that counts and it is sad when you put so much effort into making everything nice for other people and it feels like they don't spare a thought for you at all.

My youngest son is 4 and has drawn me some pictures and his brother (7) helped him wrap them. If a 4yo and 7yo can manage to make a little bit of effort, surely an 11yo and a grown adult can dig a little deeper.

That's so sad and a very low bar! Why do you think that's ok?

This is so sad that you accept this so readily 😔

Because it's a huge demonstration that you don't value yourself and your family don't value you either? Unless the back story is that you are single and your children are 3 and 5!

I would just let DH be in charge of presents next year and buy yourself something you really want and wrap it beautifully.

Why don't you have anything to open?

My DH is rubbish at present buying but I have still repeatedly made it clear that I expect him to make an effort because I sort out 100% of Christmas gifts for the rest of the family. Sometimes he gets it badly wrong but in fairness he tries his best. My children are getting older and for several years now I have reminded them to buy a small gift for family who are very generous with them. Otherwise you end up with adults who take but never give.

Give your husband a list and tell him to get off his arse and go to the shops.

I also dont have anything to open. I don't think it's a lot bar. It's just I don't put expectations to have presents. That's not what Xmas is about imo, and if I want something I say so when I'm asked what I'd like.
I think if you're mad that dh is buying things you don't want or like, you need to talk to him and tell him explicitly what you want. If you can't do that then you just sound ungrateful for the fact that actually he is thinking about you and at least going to the effort to get you something.

I’ve told them both what I want. Not difficult to find stuff. Slippers. Chocolates. That kind of thing. I don’t know why I get my hopes up.

Can you and your child not nip to the supermarket one day after school this week?

It isn't you who should be embarrassed if you have nothing to open.

If i had no presents under the tree I'd go nuclear. Find your rage OP - why should everyone else get presents and not you? It is not acceptable to be treated like this.

I wouldn’t be upset at your 11 year old child, even though I can completely understand why you are annoyed, OP. In addition, quite a few people leave their Xmas shopping until the last minute and then rush out for some unthoughtful rubbish. It’s inconsiderate of your DH though especially if you have bought him something nice to open. Why don’t you put DH’s nice gift(s) away and not gift it? Then buy something completely thoughtless for him too. I’m sure we could all give you some ideas of awful gifts that you could pick up in a supermarket.

Buy yourself something really fucking nice. Something you wouldn't normally get yourself. Wrap it up and open it on Christmas day. Gasp and say oh my god, it's just what I wanted. It's so beautiful, thank you for being so thoughtful. Then stand up and HUG YOURSELF.

That’s so funny, thank you for the laugh 🤭 . I think we should all do this.

This is sad. Your "D"H is a joke. It'd be so simple to buy you presents that you want. My DS is 6, DH asked him what he wanted to get me (unicorn socks, he excitedly told me😂) and DH ordered them online. Easy as. I'd put the same effort into your husband's presents as he puts into yours.

For one years Christmas..do absolutely nothing, sorting out Dh family Xmas presents that would be nope matey your family yours to sort out.

Stop doing it (tying yourself in knots for others)

Just stop.

Don't you get anything off extended family? At the very least withhold your dh's presents until you see what you get off him, if anything. If you get nowt or something crap then he gets the same.

I buy for everyone else because I enjoy it. It’s joint money anyway and I’m far more generous with other people than DH so it works quite well 🤣🤣 DH however always buys for me. And no shite either. Thoughtful, well planned gifts that he knows I will love, nicely wrapped.
Tell your DH that you aren’t accepting any shite this year. If he fails to get his arse in gear, buy yourself something lovely and expensive. Really rather expensive. Then open it in front of everyone with a gasp and a “DH you shouldn’t have” 😈

That will make him pull his finger out next year!!!

I have to buy my own presents to go under tree, it sucks. I don’t get any from anyone else either