I’m buying my own Christmas presents agIn

[Lonelyelf]

NCed for this as other threads are identifying.

me and dc (11) were meant to go Xmas shopping today. Normally I buy my own presents but this year they said they wanted to buy something for me. I scoped out some small gifts in the local shops and thought we could go together, they could choose (I would give them the money) and then we could buy some presents together for other members of the family.

But they have a stomach ache. The kind that is instantly fixed by watching Netflix apparently. Dh is having a nap. He will go out on Xmas eve and get me some shit I don’t want like normal.

I know I know, first world problems. But it’s embarrassing to be with family and have nothing to open. So I’m ordering some books off Amazon that I will wrap up and then unwrap on Christmas Day.

meanwhile, i have of course spent weeks sourcing interesting and thoughtful gifts for the entire family, including dh’s relatives. I’m premenstrual and I just want to cry

aibu to feel incredibly sorry for myself and drown my sorrows in a box of quality street?

yabu - get over yourself
yanbu - just once wouldn’t it be nice if someone asked you what you wanted and then took the time to get it for you

I’m so sorry OP. You deserve so much better.

Whilst I’m very much about the giving rather than receiving and I’d rather give one well thought out present than a bag of tat… having nothing at all to open is just mean.

Myself and DP will often agree to put everything together and pay for an “experience” for us both (think nice meal or something specific on a holiday) but we’ll still get each other something little to “rip open”, even if it’s a multipack of the others favourite crisps for them to have all to themselves. It’s not about the money - it’s the thought so I totally get you OP.

Your DH needs a rocket up his backside and your 11 year old is definitely old enough to know better now. I’d not go nuclear - I’d be more inclined to just do zero present shopping for the main offenders. And maybe post-it note everything your DH owns with what you actually want.

We send each other links as hints. Saves a lot of angst in the family.

OP, how about buying yourself ten indulgent presents, wrapping them and putting labels on saying they are for you from an admirer...? Gush to everyone present when you open them and thank whoever they were from.
If they guess they're from you to yourself, you still have the presents and they have something to think about.

The problem is that sons model the behaviour of their parents. My DH came from a miserable household without much joy where anything nice was derided for being extravagant. DH never saw his parents exchange a gift, his mother given a bunch of flowers, or a Christmas present.

They all loved my Christmases! There was a bit of an improvement. DH has caught up a bit despite hating shopping.

I don't really need or want anything and have said, leave it for now because I'm pretty sure there will be reductions after Xmas. He'll buy me a bottle of scent.

If I want something then I tell my partner. I give him a list and it's up to him what he picks off of it as it still a surprise. He will often get things off his own back as well.

But make sure you get something you want for Christmas. Tell your husband. Take your kids mid week. Stand up for yourself and what you want!

Return anything you have bought for your "DH". Go out on Xmas eve and get him something he doesn't need. I suggest a pack of sanitary towels and something he's allergic to.

Why? Who doesn't think you deserve anything you or them?

This is another thread where 2 people in a relationship have wildly different values to each other. I couldn't stay like this. It's not about the monetary value of the gifts. It's about showing some love or appreciation, modelling that to the children and letting them join in with the joy of giving a gift as well as receiving.
My children are 11 and 13 and are really getting into the spirit of choosing a small gift for people or wrapping something they have made at school, or giving their school photo to grandparents.

Why? It's a token of affection not just for children unless your the Grinch.

I’d be absolutely fuming if I didn’t get a gift at Christmas! I don’t care if it’s something for £1.00 as long as thought has gone into it.
As someone else said, return the gifts for his family if you can. Tell him you’ve done your side and your child, so all that’s left for him to do are to get gifts for his family and you, and that the children need to get gifts too so he needs to sort that with them.
Then leave him to it.
I would however buy something for yourself - not to save embarrassment (because it’s not you that should be embarrassed), but because it sounds like you deserve a nice gift, even if it’s from yourself.

Y r u embarrassed about having nothing to open, most wouldn’t open presents from immediate family with extended family or friends.

Have you told him how this makes you feel? I'd be telling him to step up and we are all going shopping you are buying at least one gift for your child and me and here is the list of your relatives I'm not doing them anymore

DH is useless at present buying. I often buy what I want, and give it to him to wrap up. Or, he takes me shopping in the sales on December 27th and buys me whatever I want.

Now, we all do a Xmas list and circulate it round the family.

Make this the last year that you buy for everyone else. Only your DH and kids from now on.
Make an Amazon wishlist and give it to your husband and children. They need to choose from that. If they don't, and you have nothing to unwrap, it makes them look bad. Your kids need a life lesson or their future partners are going to end up in the same boat as you in years to come.

I bloody love this. What a fantastic idea.
I actually went xmas shopping with my husband today I told him what I'd like and he bought them.
He's a bit clueless with presents in that he will buy two of the same thing like expensive perfumes so I thought I'd steer him to what I actually want/need.

Maybe you need to raise your bar a bit!

Buy and wear a nice piece of jewellery and then be coy about who gave it to you.

He might start to appreciate you more when he stops regarding you as the maid.

Obviously I’m joking but the poor behaviour being demonstrated to the children is doing them no favours and is no joke. You need to raise this with him.

Are they bollocks.

Your DH is a problem here. He should have gone to do this with DC at some point . Help them plan it for a start and send them off.
By the way you are very unreasonable for your comment about Netflix and stomach ache. When you are unwell watching TV is always a helpful distraction.

I don't know why you would put yourself through that for 30 years. I'm always honest with my DH. If I don't like something he's bought, made, cooked etc I just tell him that and explain why. This is literally why my present this year is a trip abroad and not a Mars bar.

Absolutely never.

I won’t buy my own presents, and I won’t wrap any my partner gets for me. I’ll do literally anyone else’s (I quite like both shopping and wrapping) but I refuse to do my own.

I would also be upset to receive nothing. Absolutely expect better!

I had a sharp word with my DH about this. He is another one who came from a house where all they seemed to do was bitch about each other and gift giving was slim to none. After some disastrous years where I wound up with nothing, or worse - gifts for the dog (I wish I was joking) - I had a sharp word with him. I pointed out that if I had such shit presents or nothing at all and our child started to realise and it ruined the Christmas magic for her, I would be serving him divorce papers by new year. He did take it on board and each year he has got progressively better with more and more thought going into my presents. Thank god!

I've just emailed DH the link to a Yoga website for a bolster and blanket - he's sitting on the sofa next to me 😆 I know it's the cardinal MN sin to have to send links for gifts, but DH asked where he can find the items so I just emailed the link. It's really not complicated.

Neither of us buys last minute unwanted gifts, and we don't care about unrealistic perfection - there's nothing worse than feeling unloved and unvalued at Christmas. It's the time of year to show your nearest and dearest that you do love and value them.

You need to start educating them how to be thoughtful, otherwise you're letting them off the hook.

This is the answer ☝️
Let him deal with getting his families presents and any cards. Don't go overboard with the kids presents. If there's stuff you want, just get it. You deserve it.

This is simple! You know your family won't get it for you, so you buy it off Amazon and tick the box of it being gift wrapped. It arrives and you plonk it under the tree. I mean clearly your family give no fucks, so you just do it for yourself! Oh and next year don't bother with your husband and save the money to buy something really nice for yourself....even better buy in February get it gift wrapped and by next Christmas you'll have a lovely surprise because you will have forgotten what you ordered!