I’m buying my own Christmas presents agIn

[Lonelyelf]

NCed for this as other threads are identifying.

me and dc (11) were meant to go Xmas shopping today. Normally I buy my own presents but this year they said they wanted to buy something for me. I scoped out some small gifts in the local shops and thought we could go together, they could choose (I would give them the money) and then we could buy some presents together for other members of the family.

But they have a stomach ache. The kind that is instantly fixed by watching Netflix apparently. Dh is having a nap. He will go out on Xmas eve and get me some shit I don’t want like normal.

I know I know, first world problems. But it’s embarrassing to be with family and have nothing to open. So I’m ordering some books off Amazon that I will wrap up and then unwrap on Christmas Day.

meanwhile, i have of course spent weeks sourcing interesting and thoughtful gifts for the entire family, including dh’s relatives. I’m premenstrual and I just want to cry

aibu to feel incredibly sorry for myself and drown my sorrows in a box of quality street?

yabu - get over yourself
yanbu - just once wouldn’t it be nice if someone asked you what you wanted and then took the time to get it for you

They've got loads of time before Christmas yet. Go ballistic now, to save having bad feeling on Christmas Day.

Your husband should be teaching your child to plan, buy and give you a lovely present. This is what nice people do.
Tell him so.
If you have nothing to open, just say oh it's ok, I'm going to get 'insert lovely expensive item that you desire' in the new year and then go ahead and buy it.

What? You can’t possibly mean that?

?? Her DH in particular should be extremely embarrassed if she has no gift to open.

My December life has improved dramatically since my best friends and I had a discussion in summer 2022 about not buying each other presents but instead buying a bottle of wine 'in their honour'. It reduced the shopping bill (and posting cost), it reduced the worry about finding something perfect, it reduced the to do list. I have since had the discussion with other friends which was easier once had with my besties. Also with my brother and sister in law I now just send chocolate (but of course send presents to kids). My aunts and cousins and I agreed to donate one sum to charity instead of exchanging gifts back about 10 years.

It is liberating.
After spending more on postage for advent calendars than I did on the calendars this year I am going to think about an alternative next year.

I totally misread that… oh dear peri brain. Sorry Ophy. You are correct 😆

i just give my husband a list of some things I’d like and some things I need and pick one from each. It is annoying because that is just another thing I have to do every year.

Twice he has bought me something genuinely brilliant and thoughtful so I know he can but he is incredibly disorganised.

i don’t get to be disorganised though and neither does any woman I know?

Like fuck would I be buying for that man's family.

I give my DH options and he picks one. He’s not a mind reader and can’t guess what I want.
not taking the kids out is lazy on his behalf.

I would now put a stop to buying for his family. You aren’t his secretary. Tell him that he needs to sort and get it to relevant people as you don’t have time.

you might need to lose your shit to get him moving so plan when you will do this ahead of the big day as there is still time to order

I take hubby's credit card and order some things I want every year.... he may get me something but then I know I have something I am looking forward to. I also don't tell him what it is and wrap it up- so it's a suprise fir him....
After a few years of being disappointed this is the best way of getting what I want!!!

Practical but slightly mercenary. It really does make it just about the money doesn’t it?

Yeah I would feel that way - personally I love the fact my partner and I take the time to choose gifts for one another but I guess we’re still a relatively newish couple.

Maybe after decades of marriage this is just what happens 😆

20 years here and that’s not what happens. In a good marriage the spirit of gifting is alive and well. You still want to find something to surprise each other. It shows you’re still interested in them and pay attention when they speak.

Taking somebody’s credit card is meaningless and transactional. May as well just transfer each other some cash and do away with the sham of exchanging presents.

20 years here and that’s not what happens

That’s good to hear!

It shows you’re still interested in them and pay attention when they speak.

Indeed. It’s cliche but it’s literally the thought/effort that counts for me. I don’t mind if they want a hint sometimes but overall I need them to put in effort to find something for me the same way I do for them - but each to their own I guess.

I had a now former friend that I’d bought bday gifts for and her children many times before. We used to speak almost daily and had known each other for decades.

She finally decided to get me a birthday gift one year and she made such a song and dance out of it, it took all the joy away. At one point she even asked me to choose something on Amazon.

I flatly told her no. She didn’t have to get me anything but if she had decided to she should put some thought into it instead of trying to make me do all the work!