@Fraaances Yes there is a big expectation very entitled too. MIL the soul of the family passed away in July and now I was asked if FIL can come and live with us I said yes because he is still very mobile and strong. But now I’m wondering what happens when he is even “older too” my former self would have done it happily, with love and compassion, especially as the culture I come from, this is a norm.
We live with our extended family forever and look after them, I found this normal and easy to agree with. But in this case I would be taken advantage of for nothing.
Anyway update. Ive been to a solicitor and she has given me advice on what things I need to ask, to ask them one by one and record the answer secretly.
So I did. I asked for question 1. A full financial disclosure of our finances. ( yes I don’t know anything about our finances) 😬 I just contribute to the bills.
He asked me why I’m asking that question. I said because we are now married and should act as one, it’s safe for both of us if we know about that side of things.
He said he doesn’t mind if we don’t because he had a bad experience with the ex about money, and he doesn’t want a repeat. I calmly said I’m not his ex.
He suggested we open a joint bank account where we both have access and each transfer money into it for bills etc. (He has been asking for this for a while anyway)
I said no! in that case we both just close our personal accounts and open new one together? He said no he doesn’t want a joint bank account due to his experience.
As he said no to my request for a full financial disclosure I had been advised to stop there and start thinking about a divorce, the solicitor has given advice on my rights and was shocked I didn’t know any of it. Anyways if he can’t answer that simple question honestly and openly then he won’t answer the rest.
I’m so scared! How do I start. I sold my home quite cheaply to create a life with him. I really wished I’d insisted on renting it the way I wanted to.
I want to just leave right now with my kids and go home to my family for a hug.
I haven’t been home for three years due to being told we can’t afford it, I asked in November if we could spend Christmas with my family this year as I’ve not done that in forever. I used to have Christmas with my family every year and afforded it fine.
His answer was no- we can’t afford it, we have his dad, and his girls are coming over on the 27th, he can’t separate or cancel seeing them. I said I have separated from mine for years? He said it was my choice to move to England, I asked if can just go with my girls and his response was oh so you are just going to leave your husband to spend Christmas alone? We are married now if it hasn’t occurred to you yet. I left it.
My anxiety is through the roof. What is he hiding? How can I be this stupid? So who leaves the house me or him? Where do I start?
He owns majority of the house.
Right now he is busy doing things he NEVER does because his job is so demanding and every single minute is usually taken.
Things like taking kids to school and picking them, cleaning my car, fuelling my car, asking me to guess what I’ve got for Christmas. Being extra 100% kind, cooking dinner, he even asked if we can have Christmas next year with my family, I just said yeah!… I’ve seen it all before anyways it usually lasts a week until I’m happy.
Anyways I’ve found tickets for me and my kids I didn’t sleep spent the whole night sweating about booking them. I’ve reserved them until this evening. I need to go home to breathe, cry first and think. I’ll deal with this next year. I need to have a big think!
Now the task ahead is to tell him I’m going home for Christmas with the kids. I’ve thought about creating an emergency with my family so he doesn’t get alarmed but I feel terrible about using them. We are supposed to go Christmas shopping today for “ the visitors” as he calls them 😬😬😬😬😬