Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

[Mamana127]

I have two step daughters one if now 27 and the other one 25 I have known them for 13 years and each Christmas ever since I met them i have bought them presents, nice girly things which they love.
They are now working with really good jobs one earning 150k a year and another 70k. They have been working for over 3 years now. But I have never received even a slicked Carrot from them. They buy their dad presents and nothing for me and my kids. During their birthdays my kids make them crafts and I buy them presents but I’ve never received any for my birthday either or the kids birthday either.
This year while wrapping presents my husband asked me where their presents were? I said I’m not buying them any as they have never got me anything not even a Christmas card. He got really mad and said I’m older I should behave better and two wrongs don’t make a right.
I asked him if he has ever asked them why they don’t buy me anything he said they are old enough to make their minds. Ok and I’m not old enough to make my mind?
when we go on holiday I buy them stuff and they sometimes accept or reject that they don’t like, it I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.
i have never done anything to these beautiful girls, I met their dad way after he had split frozen their mum and had been in other relationship before me.
I haven’t been trying to buy their love I’ve just been trying to be nice to them. So this year I decided to heed my MIL’s advice, and it blew up into a big argument between me and DH. Mind you DH gets them gifts too so I suggested he writes that it’s from both of us and refused. I’m I right or I’m I being petty.
I mean having to take that decision was hard for my heart but I felt I needed to do it.

Been there Yanbu It's funny that people don't like being treated the way you are treated by them As for your useless husband Ltb

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Take the money you would have spent on those selfish, nasty witches and spend it on your children. They deserve it after putting up with them for this long. Also, buy yourself something nice that you wouldn't buy yourself usually, because YOU also deserve it! Think of it as a gift from "Santa Mamana127".

Your NVDH sounds like a twat waffle, and the more you write about him and his balls of cotton when it comes to his daughters, the more I dislike him.

Continue to stand up for what you know is right, so your children can see that and not become people pleasers that get walked on.

Have a wonderful holiday! 🌲

Nah !! The fact they have NEVER said a thank you or even now they are earning a wage still can’t get you a little something?? And your DH…. Just wow.

Yanbu- they and their father sound horrid

It sounds to me like he’s been tiptoeing around his daughters for years, I presume due to guilt over the divorce from their mother. He’s basically enabled them to turn into nasty entitled bitches.
I am also a step mother and their treatment of you and your children (their siblings!) is bloody dreadful. I would have checked out years ago in your situation. I’m really shocked your DH didn’t nip this in the bud years ago. He needs to hear some home truths. Even if you had been the other woman, which I know you weren’t, they should have accepted the situation by now. My step mother was the OW and we get on great! You have to accept reality at some point.

It must’ve been very hurtful to find out off your DH that his daughters don’t like you. He sounds a heartless prick and they sound utterly selfish and ungrateful. Just concentrate on your own children in future. I’d have a serious think about him too.

I feel so sad for you, I have a step Mum and she is included in everything, mine and my siblings children all call her Grandma etc
Our own Mother is still around so we don’t see our step mum as a surrogate, we see her as part of our immediate family and treat her as such. She is the person our Dad has chosen to spend his later years with and deserves respect and consideration.
Im appalled you never even had a bunch of flowers or a hand to do the dishes after slaving away making everything lovely for Christmas Day.
I think this says everything about them them as people, even if they ‘don’t like you’, manners and being gracious cost nothing.
Your DH should be totally embarrassed that he has helped raised them to behave like it.
Enjoy your Xmas away and surround yourself with people who love and care for you.

I have had to do the same to both my stepdaughter and her children.
In 30 years I have never received a present, card or thank-you.
My Husband has never received a birthday card, present or fathers day card.
The children have been old enough to contact us to say thankyou for years and now I am done with the rudeness, bad manners and lack of appreciation.

I am lucky that myself and my Husband are a united front in this decision but it makes us both very sad.

You need to ensure that he is spending his fair share on bills and not just saving it for inheritance. The DSC obviously went through tough times with parents splitting but they are now adults and should book their own therapy.

go through your outgoings and make it fairer.

you also need to consider what happens if either of you need care when you are older as they will want to use the house money to pay for it so there may not be any inheritance. Plus it needs to be split equally between his 3 children I can’t believe they don’t buy presents for their little half siblings what AH

Hold on your husband does not put your name on the gifts? Well that is just odd.

They're adults now - not your monkey, not your circus

Print this thread off and show it to your husband then post it to your sdc
In for a penny ....

After speaking to a solicitor, do not discuss with him what the solicitor says. You need to make up your own mind what you want to do for yourself and your children.
If you tell him everything you give him chance to give you the run around and make sure if you separate that you come off worse.
Keep things like the solicitor visit and your decision to yourself.
Do not show him this thread. That gives him ammunition against you.
He sounds awful.

You have been abused by him and his children for years but because of the boiled frog method, it has slowly increased.

He's a weak weasel and you need to protect yourself from him.

You sound so nice but you definitely need to consider the modelling thats going on that your children will be absorbing.

You don't want this for their future.
You all deserve so much better than this weakling and his awful children.

There's a time to stop the one sided giving and you've called it, YANBU! They're old enough now to hopefully realise it's not just about receiving. Your DH should've made this clear years ago, it's gone on far too long. X

Jesus what type of family have you married into? They all sound absolutely foul and mannerless.

OP They are selfish rude and old enough to know better, did you ask your DH why they never buy anything for their siblings but are happy to accept gifts from them? Has he ever asked them ?

Sadly, your husband is the problem here. He is perpetuating the behaviour of his grown up girls. He has not drawn boundaries and he hasn’t made it clear that his daughters should some kindness and respect, on a basic decency level, towards you and your children. It’s his job to reiterate that he loves you, you don’t replace their mother and a friendly relationship would just make life a lot more pleasant.

I never buy gifts because I want the other person to buy me gifts. It comes across as bitter and a bit sad as their “mother” figure.

Your husband is also an a**. What does he mean he can’t write it’s from both of you? Anything either my husband and I buy is ALWAYS from both of us. No exceptions.

YNBU even if they didn't want to get you anything because they don't like you. Why don't they get or do anything for your children. I wouldn't get them anything either they're rude and ungrateful. I pray you have a blessed Christmas x

Good grief @Mamana127 It’s bad enough that the daughters treat you with scathing contempt. The fact that your “DH” has joined in is wrong on every level.

This is not worth it.

You have to understand that there is every expectation that you are going to nurse this man his old age to his deathbed whilst they guard every single financial resource “their inheritance”, leaving you and your kids with sweet FUCK ALL. He is utterly complicit, which means he does not see you as a wife but a bedmate, a maid and a future nurse. You are a staff member who is not paid, ergo - an Indentured servant. This is so fucked up. Seek legal advice asap.

Oh @Tiggywiggypiggy that’s so sad to read. I’m sorry you’ve experienced that :(

Yep

When he is ill or elderly, they will expect @Mamana127 to care for him, but when it comes time for the inheritance to be divvied out.....different matter.

Fuck them all, especially him. Lets see how he manages when his daughters just want his money and not to actually bother their arses to look after him.

Reap what you sow and all that.