Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

You’re not being unreasonable at all (though your in laws are in suggesting your husband should get a veto) but unfortunately, a large proportion of dog owners seem to have gone a bit crazy in the last few years and think they should be entitled to take them anywhere, even when they’ve been specifically told someone doesn’t want them there. The default should always be no dogs and ask the host if they would mind them coming then graciously accept it if the answer is no!

It depends. If they live a fair distance they can't go back and let them out for wee easily. What do you exoect them to do?

I have a aimilar issue. I have figsa but my friend will be bringing hers and its not great in the house. Reallly dont want it there but i either invite her and the dog or she cant come

So im sucking. It up reluctantly

Of course they should ask permission, and respect the hosts response. That said, I've been a lot of Christmases at friends and family and there usually are dogs, for the reasons others have stated (you can stay the whole day, dog care v expensive and difficult to find, season of all goodwill).

You do what OP did. Tell them she totally understands if they feel they can no longer come because they have to stay home with their dog.

Don’t be a mug! Do the same.

No. I would prefer her to be there , i have dogs, i understand, i woukdnt be able to visit her without mine either so it really is sucking it up

Well that's different then, OP doesn't have dogs. She is not expecting them to still come.

I've got 2 dogs. We will feed them in the morning, walk then to wear them out. Then drive to my adult DS for Xmas dinner. We are staying overnight but my other DS will feed them and walk them about 6 pm and drop by to make sure they are in for the night and close the dog flap at about 9pm. Dogs can't just turn up they would need to be invited or stay home or go to a kennel. My older 2 dogs will be perfectly happy with each other's company and a couple of new chew treats and the TV left on for them. They will likely sleep for several hours.

Are you sure, or again generalising, just assuming.

Just commenting.

Same thing, comments that are generalising and full of assumptions🙄

Or just being a bit lighthearted because some folks think a dog is part of the family and needs to be included at Christmas, so why not in the above events?

That’s where the generalisations come into it.
Some people not all people, or is it just easier to assume everyone are like op’s relatives?

I think there's still an ongoing thread about a batshit SIL and an aggressive cat!

Oooh link please

Nope. I never claimed that some people are all people. I even commented above about the many responsible dog owners, some of whom have posted on here. So no generalisations from me.

Here you go...
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5221635-to-expect-my-sil-to-keep-her-aggressive-cat-away-during-xmas?page=1

No one has answered my earlier question, about whether it’s ok to take chickens to social events/other people’s houses?

Depends if they are dead or alive 😃

I don't think you are being unreasonable it's your house and therefore your rules. But for some people a dog is part of the family and they just wouldn't want the dog to be left alone or the dog can't be left alone for long - outside of Christmas it's far easier to get dog walkers etc. I have been asked if a guest can bring a dog, being honest I would rather they didn't but I know they won't be able to leave them so I am sucking it up...

I would take them, also, if they like Christmas you could try taking them to a Carol Concert? I'm sure they could cluck along.

But they should already have sorted kennels/sitters etc. Dog owners should never assume that their dogs are welcome - them not being in attendance at someone else’s house should always be the default.

You getting a dog doesn’t make it a member of the extended family - that only applies to babies. It’s incredibly entitled, or, to put it kindly, socially unaware, to assume that your dog is automatically welcome in anybody’s house other than yours.

Would it not be necessary to provide some kind of accommodation for them, depending on what's on the table?

Nowadays, we usually have turkey...but when I were a lass Mum usually ordered a capon. What if the chickens were to find themselves clucking over a relative? The trauma!

Good point. It's crossing a moral Rubicon. There were no problems when I used to take my axolotl to functions. C'est la vie.
Edited for typo...my eyes were tearing up at the thought of Herbert...

Yes, some dogs owners do seem to want to take their dogs with them everywhere. I don’t believe they are that obtuse to believe that everyone else should accept that and they don’t need permission.

I think it ties in with another arsehole trend where people say it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Basically just ploughing ahead with shitty behaviour until someone pulls you up on it, knowing that, for various reasons, people often won’t speak up