Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

I think your message was totally fair and no more needs to be said.

Oh, I'm sure there are dog owners who think their pooches should attend all of the above!

I think of my dog as part of my family but I also know that no one else does. I know invitations for the family do not include my dog and I make alternate arrangements for him, I wouldn't even think about asking if he could be invited.

Not all dogs owners take their dogs everywhere with them.

My cocker spaniel once escaped through our cat flap 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well there you go. You've proved me wrong! But did he/she manage to get himself back in through the flap? I always think too that dogs aren't as supple and graceful as cats to get themselves over the step up bit they have to do to get their legs out. ..

Patagonia21 · Yesterday 14:34

I consider my adult children’s dogs as part of the family. My children would not relax and enjoy the day if leaving them behind as would have one eye on the clock. I am happy for them to come and have made sure they have presents to unwrap

Dogs can unwrap presents?

It’s so predictable how this thread has gone, all the people who loathe dogs, just having a good old moan, making sweeping generalisations, to make themselves feel better.It doesn’t appear to make any difference, that many dog owners, are saying this unreasonable they wouldn’t do this.

Nope sorry I don't loath dogs I'm very found of dogs but I choose not to have one because I am aware that they require a massive amount for care and attention. I'm also aware that many sensible dog owners are not CFs who expect the rest of the world to revolve around their decision to have a pet that can't be left for more than a few hours at a time. It the minority of owners who seem to think that being told no their dog isn't welcome somewhere is an insult that are the problem not sensible owners.
I understand the love, my cats get called my babies and have some new toys wrapped up under the Christmas tree but I don't expect them to be regarded as family by anyone else and if none cat people come to visit I will keep the cats away from them because I understand that not everyone likes fishy breath and kneeded knees.

And why is that better than leaving them at home anyway? Would you want to be dumped in someone else's garden, when you could stay in your own nice warm house?

I don't loathe dogs.
I just think owners shouldn't take them to people's houses without prior discussion, as the responsible dog owners on here have agreed.

Good to hear your husband is backing you and being assertive . There’s too many spineless partners on Mumsnet who side with their family.

Yes, I was very relieved the OP has her DH on side. In many scenarios the DH is too scared to stand up his relatives

You would think they would have asked if it was ok to bring the dogs way before Christmas, which would then given them time to make arrangements. To just assume is a bit rude. I wouldn't say it is your job to tell them the dogs aren't invited, but absolutely their job to ask.

I have dogs, love them, & at Christmas they will get a good walk before we leave, then someone will go back to let them out, feed them etc and then re join the festivities. (we are lucky to live close by the people we visit though). I wouldn't put my dogs into kennels over Christmas tbh, but I would have made different arrangements, or hosted.

In all honestly, I have no idea why people have to take their dog to every pub, shop, cafe they go to, and just don't leave them on their own sometimes, dogs need downtime too. I hear owners mention separation anxiety & I often wonder if that is the dog or the owner!.

Me too, I much prefer furson 😂😂😂

We have dogs. They're very welcome at both our parents homes. However, a busy gathering isn't really something they'd like so we'll stay home for xmas.

Yes. They have these things called teeth that they use to remove the paper. How odd that you couldn't work that out yourself.

He's quite right and they are being incredibly rude to a) assume in the first place and b) to try to manipulate him into an outcome.

The dogs are not your problem so I'd remove yourselves from any further solution making or you'll have several large crates in your living room before you know it. [which they will immediately release the dogs from]. The answer is NO, stick to your guns.

Please reconfirm you able to come without the dogs by Wed 17th or we will assume you will be making other arrangements for Christmas. Regrettably we can't accommodate them.

So glad I come from a family of cat people!

YANBU. Can they be left in the garden?

I'm a huge dog fan and even I wouldn't expect someone to assume they could bring their dog to a big busy event like Christmas, nor would I assume to take them. Two puppies would be a nightmare for anyone and it's probably not that safe for the puppies to be in such an environment, with children's toys and food and chocolate around, and likely lower supervision.

If I had a SIL with OCD traits, I would be extra sensitive to that also.

This is absolutely not true of all dogs or all cats. Lots of dogs are happy to potter about and snooze and listen to the radio so long as they have been fed and walked. Many cats are super anxious if their humans are away from them for any extended periods of time.

The point is that cat/tarantula/rat/budgie folk don't assume that their pet is invites everywhere with them and if they happen to have an anxious one they make arrangements for them or they automatically decline. They don't say "my cat/tarantula/rat/budgie is a member of our family so of course I assumed they were invited".

No, because he subsequently rampaged through the neighbourhood gardens like the hyperactive nutter he was and had to be retrieved from someone's house. Luckily they were dog lovers and didn't mind! As a rule, he wasn't allowed in the garden unsupervised as foxes/badgers kept making routes through the fences.

He wasn't routinely allowed to use the cat flap. The flap on the utility room door was smaller than the one to outside and he couldn't fit through that.

You can get dog sized ones anyway.

I recall a mumsnetter stropping because her cat wasn't allowed for the day because the husband and one child had seriously allergies to cats. That was an amusing thread. It's not just dogs

I do not like their reaction to it to be honest.

Basically trying to stir up shit beetween you and your OH - teling him that you are undermining him - 'You have a say in it too' - oh thats dire. They clearly think you are an OCD control freak, OP

100% I would uninvite these people who were so quick to throw mud at me and my marraige

The point is that cat/tarantula/rat/budgie folk don't assume that their pet is invites everywhere with them and if they happen to have an anxious one they make arrangements for them or they automatically decline. They don't say "my cat/tarantula/rat/budgie is a member of our family so of course I assumed they were invited".

Quite. And you never hear of people asking to take their chickens into pubs or other people's homes.

Well yes exactly and my point was that’s what many people who have dogs have already said.Personally l voted op isn’t being unreasonable, l agree you shouldn’t just assume it’s ok to bring your dog uninvited, to someone else’s home.This hasn’t made any difference though, to the thread, the generalising, not everyone calls their dog a fur baby, l don’t know anyone who calls their dog a fur baby, or considers their dog as a child, or needs to be told dogs are animals not humans, and that dog owners are all selfish!! etc.There are people on this thread who absolutely loathe dogs, completely intolerant, just using this as a bashing thread, that’s all it’s become.