He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

WTH. Please tell me you are leaving this monster.

Why are you staying with this dick of a man. Read your posts back and see how he treats you. Get out of there as soon as you can.

He is as low as you get op !!!
Do you what to leave him ?

He doesn’t like you & treats you with contempt. There’s no coming back from that.

It’s so hard to take the steps to leave when your entire lives are intertwined - finances, children, day to day routines. But you must see that this is an abusive relationship and that you need to get yourself out?

You say the children don’t see these things happening but trust me that children are perceptive little things and pick up on feelings, moods, etc much better than we give them credit for. Plus you have a daughter and his behaviour reeks of misogyny. What’s he going to be like with her in the teenage years?

Please start taking the steps you need to get yourself out of this horrendous situation. Wishing you all the luck and strength.

and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved

What an absolute bastard. That would be the end of it for me.

@Imbusytodaysorry i put a lot of the house sale money in to renovating his house and buying a static caravan.

I do have some money left over but not a lot.

You are completely right. I need to contact a solicitor and speak to my parents to see where I stand or if we can stay with them for a while until I gather up some more money.

One of the friends that was out is a serial cheater - at 46. His poor wife has no idea. So maybe you’re right on that also, maybe he wanted to keep his options open. Or maybe something has happened, or he has someone else which would explain how I went from love of his life one day to absolute wanker the next.

And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

He's an absolute monster. What normal man tells his wife she deserves to get raped or murdered?

”nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

OP you didn’t do anything to prompt this. He engineered the situation for his own ends when you’d already given him the alternative of going out with his friends. Something else is going on here. You said that he’s usually nice, and funny but that the red flags for his behaviour are recent. So a build up maybe, until this has brought things to a head ? Seems likely if this is the first time there’s been an outburst like this with very little to trigger it.

If the above quote is his reaction to the hurt he’s caused you, then l’d say he’s checked out of the relationship and l’d concentrate on the reasons for that. It’s no way to live and it’s not fair to your children. Find out what’s really going on and then make plans to leave.

@Craics90 please leave. He's not a nice person for causing an argument and leaving you but that could potentially be worked on I suppose.

But...

"if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

This sentence right here is disgusting and tells you exactly what he thinks of you/how little he cares about you. He'd think you'd have deserved to get raped. He thinks you'd deserve to get murdered and he seems to have no care of how any of it would affect the children.

If this was my husband I'd be telling him to leave now or I'd be doing the leaving. No way could I spend a minute with someone who thinks let alone says things like that.

Please leave. You and the kids deserve better. He does not.

He’s abusing you.
I’m so sorry he did this & hope you’re ok.
I’d leave asap.
Not that is sounds like he’d care.

Sorry I missed that part.

That is fair enough and very sensible of you.
It’s just not worth the risk.

I think alot of posters ask themselves whether their partners love them and they usually answer yes because he does X, Y, Z.

But not many ask whether their partners actually like them.

For many that I read on here, there partners don’t actually like them and they simply stay because it’s easier than leaving.

I would say that also means they don’t love you and it’s just transactional.
If someone better came along they probably wouldn’t think twice about leaving.

This man doesn’t seem to like you at all.
He didn’t appreciate you organising things, didn’t care that he ditched you, didn’t care to help you get a taxi home and isn’t regretful of his behaviour.

He doesn't care about you - or your kids, if this is his attitude towards their mother. He's only going to get worse especially with his sad mates egging him on.

Life is too short to be treated like this regardless of whether he was drunk or sober. The reference to you "getting what you deserve" is chilling tbh. This isn't a relationship I'd want my kids to witness.

"if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Leave. For fuck sake OP, leave. Leave right now. Why would you tolerate being with him a second longer after he said that? He hates you. This is also a step away from if HE did something to you, you'd deserve it.

Don't subject your daughter to that. Leave. And tell his family what he did, and what he said, before he starts lying, making out like you're crazy.

“nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Your husband is a cunt. LTB.

Why would you be confused, why are you asking all these questions and making assumptions, what difference does it make?

The OP obviously had no car with her, she obviously couldn’t get home by herself, she obviously had to ask her elderly dad for a lift home as she had no other means of getting there!

Absolutely 100% agree.
Get rid of this idiot. Your safety should be of the utmost importance to him.

Blimey op. Well at least it’s clear as day what you need to do. Get a lawyer and divorce this unpleasant man! I’m really sorry this happened to you.

What a prick!! I would never do anything for him ever again. I’d be long gone.

I am surprised this prince is old enough to be legally married.

I hope you have not had children with him.

Honestly, its is coming across like you are a 'people or husband' pleaser to try and fix what sounds like a very broken relationship. Take a step back, stop trying so hard, see if he will match your effort. Have a date in mind when you decide what the best course of action is for you (e.g. end of January) and discreetly make plans for an exit strategy if that is what you want to do.

Don't keep wearing your heart on your sleeve. If he says you deserved something just rely 'if you say so'. do not keep bringing the argument to him. See what happens.

FFS: and that's your red line, surely??!?!?! Leave him!!!

And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

@Craics90 so he thinks you would have deserved robbery, rape or murder?

tell him you want a divorce