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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
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5
Ohnobackagain · 15/12/2024 10:22

@Craics90 he owes you the cancellation money as well. Then start planning how to leave him and get out of this relationship.

Ohnobackagain · 15/12/2024 10:24

Also @Craics90 knowing you’d get a cancellation fee why didn’t you just go to eat on your own or find someone else to go with? You’ve let him treat you like a doormat.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 15/12/2024 10:24

Please leave this vile man, both for your own benefit and for the example your relationship is setting for your kids x

Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 10:24

YourTurnForTheTree · 15/12/2024 10:17

Goodness. I hope you don’t live and drive anywhere near me and my loved ones.

Show quote history

Agree. I wouldn’t drive after two glasses of wine - especially at this time of year. Depending on the size of the glasses you’d almost certainly be over the limit.

Whathappensnowplease · 15/12/2024 10:24

Just read your update about his behaviour this morning OP.
What an odious man.
I don't see how your relationship can continue as he has shown he doesn't respect you , doesn't care about you , and appears to actively dislike you.
Awful for you OP. I'm so sorry.

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

Whoyoutakingto · 15/12/2024 10:20

Your Dad is a star, thank goodness he was able to get you. MY DD2 was unintentionally separated from her then BF on a night out.(Neither to blame). She was left without phone (in BF pocket) No money(uses phone) No keys. She was left walking in an unfamiliar area, make up the next to worst ending you can imagine. It has taken 3 plus years for us to get back on track. Court is next year.
Do not let your husband brush this under the carpet, he put you in serious harms way basically because he is a selfish pig, personally I couldn’t forgive him. I am so glad you are safe. 💐

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

OP posts:
FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 15/12/2024 10:25

I don’t know if you’ll listen to a rando on the internet, but you must leave this man. No one should treat you like this.

NunyaBeeswax · 15/12/2024 10:26

Please OP.
Please.
DO NOT let those kids grow up thinking this is normal and that this is what women should just tolerate.
Set a better example for them and kick this prick out or take them and fuck off.

Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 10:26

StopStartStop · 15/12/2024 10:04

Don't discuss it. Carry on as normal, on the surface. Grey rock where possible. Silently make your plans then leave. Or throw him out.

Or throw him out

Amazing how many posters still think you can just throw your partner out of the marital home.

Fannyfiggs · 15/12/2024 10:27

You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

What the fuck??? Move as far away from this man as you can. What a horrible thing to say.

Take your children and go.

SoMauveMonty · 15/12/2024 10:27

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Show quote history

Divorce.
Seriously. Don't waste another precious second of your life on this vile man.
Get him gone.

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:29

Ohnobackagain · 15/12/2024 10:24

Also @Craics90 knowing you’d get a cancellation fee why didn’t you just go to eat on your own or find someone else to go with? You’ve let him treat you like a doormat.

@Ohnobackagain I just wanted him to enjoy his evening. I knew if I cancelled the day before I would have to pay the fee but of course I just went along with it so he wouldn’t complain that we were doing what I wanted.

Two weeks ago I lost a family member. I was with them when they passed and I’ve found it quite hard to come to terms with. I’ve been down and upset a lot of the days but I was determined to get out and have fun because I thought he also deserved a good night.

OP posts:
Barley6 · 15/12/2024 10:29

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:02

@Missmarymack2 I’ll never get an apology because he never apologies. He turns it all on me. I wasn’t keen on queuing for 40 minutes either, but as it’s what’s he wanted to do that’s what I did.

Show quote history

To leave you on your own and not give a toss about your safety is appalling behaviour. I really hope that when he sobers up he realises what an absolute tool he has been, but if he never normally apologises, I doubt he’ll be starting now.
I think you really need to consider leaving this relationship, if your DH cannot even manage/understand the basics (i.e. his own wife’s safety), then he does not deserve to be married to you, I am sorry to say that this man does not have your back.
You deserve an absolute ton better than what he has to offer.

AmberAlert86 · 15/12/2024 10:29

His response in you last update is horrendous. I don't say this usually, but you have to leave him in order to protect yourself and your children. He is mentally abusing you. He is truly horrible.

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/12/2024 10:29

@Craics90 I’ve asked for an apology but all he’s said is that I am a wanker and I got what I deserved.

This is disgusting. You deserve better op
He knows he is in the wrong and he probably also knows you could do way better so he brings you down.

Have you money left from the sale of the house you could use to start fresh ?
Do you have any money on “his” house you are due

Can you get your free solicitor appointment and speak to your parents too .
Tell this man nothing and plan your exit. .

I am going to say this though. Sadly this type of man knew the pubs be busy with loads of females out on party nights out . A wife is no fun then .
I feel that’s the kind of male he is. Sorry

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 15/12/2024 10:29

What an awful man OP.

Please find the strength to leave him and he can finally get what he deserves, which is not to be in your life and be alone due to his despicable actions and stinky attitude

kitchenhelprequired · 15/12/2024 10:30

@Craics90 I'm really not sure there's any coming back from what your H has just said.

Bestfootforward11 · 15/12/2024 10:30

Just seen your updates. PLEASE LEAVE.

localnotail · 15/12/2024 10:31

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Show quote history

And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

I dont think there is getting back from this, is there? How can you live with someone who basically saying "you deserve to be assaulted and hurt" because of some trivial bullshit to do with going out?

Your DH is absolutely vile and he hates you. I dont think it will be safe for you to continue living with him.

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:31

NunyaBeeswax · 15/12/2024 10:26

Please OP.
Please.
DO NOT let those kids grow up thinking this is normal and that this is what women should just tolerate.
Set a better example for them and kick this prick out or take them and fuck off.

@NunyaBeeswax you’re right. The children have never seen any of this type of behaviour. We also have a daughter and all I can think of is if someone treated her like this would be locked up in a cell.

OP posts:
skyeisthelimit · 15/12/2024 10:32

His last response to you is absolutely disgusting. I couldn't stay with a man who cared that little about me that he would think that I would have got what I deserved, or a man who thinks on any level that a woman should get what she deserves.

I agree with PP that there is no way back from this. For your own future safety, it's time to end this and get out before it gets worse.

OhCobblers · 15/12/2024 10:32

@Craics90 it was all bad enough before your last post.
I was going to say leave him anyway because he clearly doesn't give a crap about you BUT seeing your last post 😱
That just seals the deal surely?

Please get away from him. He doesn't deserve you in the slightest. Feel very sorry for you. Make 2025 the change you need?

Kate8889 · 15/12/2024 10:33

Please leave , this will only get worse with time

Youvebeenframed · 15/12/2024 10:34

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. This has got to be the final straw? He sounds vile, he has no respect for you whatsoever and is never going to change.
Let the new year be a new start for you and your kids. 💐

Princessfluffy · 15/12/2024 10:34

Wow. I understand that you are not in the best place OP having been recently bereaved but this sounds like a really unhealthy relationship for you to be in.
Your DH seems not to care tuppence for your health and well being and is plain nasty to you. Love yourself and leave, you deserve better and I don't see how this relationship can be redeemed.