He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

Nah this behaviour is downright nasty and abusive. Maybe easy for me to say but I’d be seriously questioning the relationship after that. How can there be any level of trust and sense of safety, like how can anyone justify being so ungrateful to the efforts their partner made, being verbally abusive. Regardless of whether you had means or not to get home, why on earth would anyone think it’s ok to just up and leave their partner the way he did?? OP. That’s not the behaviour of someone who likes you, let alone someone who is supposed to love you.

They've separated, @Rubix89.

Doing great, OP.
When the pleading, begging, apologies, crocodile tears, declarations of love eternal ( not genuine but supposed to draw you back so he gets the home comforts while carrying on as before, )

adding on punishing you for daring to ban him even temporarily

doesn't work, he will turn nasty, obstructive etc
So any communications through lawyers, as I think I said before. Push on..get him legally out and sorted PDQ because he will fight it, draw it out if he can

I know you have this, and applaud you from the sidelines

@Craics90 well done, I've just read through this thread tonight after posting when he left you stranded. You've done brilliant. Have a lovely Christmas and New Year. You will go through a roller coaster of emotions for quite a while but, look back on these posts and remember that you made the best choice for you and your children.

Oh and don't be surprised at the threats to self harm, suicide etc.

You report that immediately to the police as that is just further abuse of us by trying to manipulate and control you with threats.

He's scum.
He's not going to like at all that everyone knows and that you really are done.

Protect yourself and don't take any chances with your safety.

This is a bad man.

@Jimjamssy Oh yes threats of suicide, had that. But by that time I was just numb to it. He's still alive had no intention of harming himself. He would share samaritans posts on Facebook.

And then when that doesn't work, it's 'cancer scare' stuff and cryptic messages about candles and death on Facebook.

This reminds me of my boyfriend at university who I found sitting on a chair placed in the middle of his darkened room holding a penknife towards his chest. He must have set it up so that when I knocked on the door, he could jump into position. He’s still alive and in his 50s.
,

Every now and then I get a text "Ring me, its important". When the kids were younger I'd fall for it. I just ignore them now.

Hi girls, reading through all your messages is just overwhelming. You are all legends 💚

I have 112 WhatsApp’s. Considered blocking but I’ll keep all incase something happens.

Still asked about DC. All about him.

Junior play thing has been calling non stop too.

Doing some wrapping tonight on the Vino watching the Holiday and I feel so at peace.

Thank you all for keeping me grounded and for all of your support.

Nollaig Shona Duit 🎄💚

What, his junior play thing is calling you? Wtf!!!

I’m so proud of you….for getting rid of him and introducing Mumsnet to gobshite

Why the hell are you with this man?

Seriously, for your own wellbeing and that of your children, go now.

@OneWildBiscuit RTFFT 🙄

I think you do right to keep his messages. They will be all over the place and will be very telling against him, if they are even half of what mine sent me. In these days of no fault divorce, they aren’t relevant but if he tries anything else, they can be useful and might help with custody arrangements if he looks deranged, unstable, potentially threatening or otherwise not a fit person to have children in his care.
If you do end up speaking with him…if he turns up, put your phone on to record before engaging. Best to just ignore but it can be difficult and even recording him banging on the door etc and what he says is better than nothing. If anyone says you have to let him in it’s his house too, tell them you fear for your safety.

Obviously my response was right at the start after only one post.

Huh?
Clearly it was "really marriage ending stuff", which your post shows you doubted. How does that make you right?

@Fannyfiggs I haven’t answered her calls but I got an essay of an apology and a request to meet up!

I’m not a bit angry at her in all honesty. She’s only a young bird starting out and the big man with the big shoes has smoothed her over in all her naivety she’s been swept up.

I won’t be meeting up with her all the same. My da used to say “you’ve made yer bed so ye can lie in it”. Used to drive us mad. But here, swings and roundabouts girls 🤣

Keep those messages and pass them on liberally to friends and family.
Just more proof as to the scum he is.

Cheating, abusive coke head.
2025 is going to be so much better for you.

I've been reading this since the start and would just like to say that you are fucking amazing and utterly inspirational. Be proud of yourself because you are handling this so well. Have a fantastic relaxed free Christmas with your little ones

Just joining in the chorus to say you are totally fabulous - what a lesson in self respect, tenacity and general bad assery! You have undoubtedly done the right thing by leaving this idiot, he is not worth the mud on your shoes. Onwards and upwards for you and your children! What a peaceful 2025 you will have without this oaf bringing you down!

Ah the sweet smell of liberation OP! You are doing brilliantly.

The gall of her. I'm gobsmacked, but it's probably sheer ignorance/naivety.
Ignore her, as you're doing.
Have a lovely Christmas with your loved ones.

I’ve missed something here, where did the sidepiece come in? Is that who he is staying with now, or who he went off to join on his birthday? Either way I don’t understand why she’s contacting OP, what does she want?