He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

That particular poster goes on abuse threads and tells the female victim she's to blame - they had a particularly egregious comment deleted the other day on a thread where a woman's husband is exposing her to peanuts when she's badly allergic, financially controlling her and was violent during her pregnancy. I was so horrified that I remembered the name and was unsurprised to see it pop up here - it's someone with a vicious agenda, attempting to undermine female abuse victims for their own entertainment. People like that do lurk on Mumsnet sometimes as they are very triggered by a site full of women supporting other women to escape male violence.

One to remember @LaceAndCrimes

So pleased you have shown him the door, i was reading each new bit of info with horror….
The house even if considered not a marital assist as he owned before, will owe you something. The money you put into it from selling your own house and now that money helped increase its value etc
Hope the solicitors appointment goes well, it sounds like you have a great support network.

Nollaig Shona Dhuit @Craics90

You’re worth more than the way this begrudging fecker of a man has treated you.

If the eejit isn’t wise enough to realise how good he had it with you and his children, let him get on with feckin up his own life without letting him feck up yours as well.

I hope you and your wee ones have a relaxed and stress free time over the Christmas.

@LaceAndCrimes you are right! I seen that comment too!

@lessglittermoremud you know I've read my own posts back and I am just as horrified that I let all of these things happen And looking back through the years it hasn't really been much better either.

Support network around me is nothing short of amazing, I am so very lucky. And still so very appreciative of each and every one of you

It got deleted so quickly - thankfully - I think not many people will have had time to read it, so really thought it was worth a warning. Women post from very vulnerable situations and it's dreadful to have someone replying like that. I'm glad you didn't entertain it for a second, but even so it's good to have confirmation that it's a pervasive troll who is spouting that stuff all over the place and it's nothing to do with your thread, just a person with a major issue all of their own!

@UtopiaPlanitia thank you 💚

He is an eejit and a big dopey one at that.

My mam used to tell us, 'to be a good fibber you've to keep track of the tales you tell' and rightly so, now that I've had a wee bit of peace I've been replaying conversations and events in my mind that make me wonder if I've been asleep for the last decade?

I still haven't cried and still feel weirdly happy. Again, unsure if I really am slowly slipping in to madness but I have a great sense of relief.

Thanks for flagging @LaceAndCrimes - if you’ve spotted the pattern with this poster, MNHQ should be a little quicker off the ball to ban the poster, too.
The gaslighting of abuse victims on this board has been especially bad of late.

We do sleepwalk to a degree because we don’t expect people to lie to us, especially the one who claims to love us. We expect them to be as truthful in the relationship as we are. We think marriage is based on trust..so we trust, not realising the predators wear these masks.
Awareness has grown enormously over the past couple of years so more and I think places like mumsnet are invaluable. It’s astonishing that most women with husband problems have the same kind of man. Some are just dicks, but a frightening number are way up on the narcissist spectrum.

most abused women go back to the abuser on average 7 times before leaving for good. Trauma bond is powerful. I went back 3 times. You hopefully will be zero. Some obviously, to make it average , go back a lot more often.

Glad you are a strong person with a support network, the lack of which drives some women back. Edited typo

A rat!
you deserve better. Men are a different specimen.

Well done OP! Don't be ashamed of crying at any point. It's normal to grief the future you planned. Just concentrate on practical while you can, don't forget to look after yourself, eat and drink regularly. The children need you.
Read this back in 12 months. You'll be amazed at who you become.

Have you get anything more ?

Sometimes the sadness doesn’t come . As why would it you are well rid!

What may happen is when you are in a good place feeling and looking better than ever , he may up the asking you back and you may weaken as time has passed.
Then you have to dig deep and remember the bad times not the few good ones .

Go Girl ; you rock !
Thankyou from your children -
bloody well done,
keep strong , it’s not easy but you now know who your friends are
sending lots of admiration and hugs
xxxx

Hi girls, yes have been bombarded by messages and calls from the gobshite but I have stopped opening the messages and have flicked him off to archive. Haven't answered calls. He's been messaging DB 1 saying he doesn't know who he is anymore and to relay on that I am the love of his life.

I've came to discover that aside from the DC I am the love of my own life as well! I deserve the goodness I give to others and damn sure my DC do too.

Hasn't asked about DC once, very much 'woe is me' but here I didn't expect much else.

Solicitor was great, very informative. Gave me a kick up the backside to get things moving.

Got rid of more shite out the house today too. Would yous believe someone came and took the belongings that were outside the door?!! Luckily I found them in the bin just off the property. Jesus... I'm having a wild streak of bad luck apparently... 🙄

So blessed to have the friends and family that I do. And again, each one of you on here. Absolute legends. 💚

My Queen

doffs cap

You are doing so well! Honestly, men can be predictable, of course he was eyeing up the young girl in accounts 🙄
He clearly wasn't thinking about the 'love of his life' then was he?!

You are far better off without him.

And you should be the love of your life because, repeat after me, you are a FUCKING GODDESS!!!

I love how when I read your posts OP I can hear them in an Irish accent in my head. You are phenomenal!

Me too! You are a Queen Craics90 & I hope you & your lovely children are blessed. So good to read a post where a wronged wife takes action & kicks that useless man to the curb. We are all rooting for you x

Prepare yourself for real nastiness and viciousness when he finally realises its over.
Tell everyone that will listen that domestic abuse and his extreme coke habit are why you are divorcing, is wise to get in front of this.

Make it very clear to him that you are prepared to go to the police to report both the abuse and drug use.

Make it clear that you have appointed a divorce lawyer.
Repeat to him all that he said about not caring if you were hurt when he abandoned you, preferably by text so you have a record of all the awful things he said.

Get a video door bell to record him if he comes near your door.

He is a bully.
Bullys hate people knowing the truth.
This is all his shame.
Remember that.

So let him know that everyone now knows the truth of his sbuse of you and the children and his drug usage.
The slightest hint of aggression, ring the police.

Key in the door, plus door chains if you can.
Never allow him into the house.
Tell him he can go via the courts to see the children and explain his coke use to thcojudge.
You have so got this.

I salute you @Craics90 😁

OP
Definitely do everything above!!!

You're a legend, the fud's probably starting to realise how much he's fucked up.

What an absolute legend you are.