He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

All.power to you, so lucky your family have rallied round. Do you have a large and menacing looking cousin who would live with you and just be around because your not so dh won't go easy and it will be a drain with him turning up and caterwauling outside the house. Or insisting it's his house and getting in.

Just tell yourself in a years time it will be over. I would get the police to take the baggies so it's on record in case he makes a nightmare of himself with the dc. Or tries to stick it on you and you find yourself fighting for the dc.

Whatever he says, he doesn't mean it. If you cry, you're mourning the early days and what you thought it would be like. Its normal.

Note to self - never fuck over an Irish woman! Girl you're cold af & it's awesome.

If the crash does come it will be short lived, I'm sure, there simply isn't space in your life for this repellent creature.

Hope you have a great Christmas! Proud of the way you've found your strength

Those rings could be emergency money for him.

If you can, get an old phone and record your conversations with him, particularly him and his coke problem, aggression, verbal abuse, taking your rings and lying..

Do not return those rings.
You really have this.

It’s not an acronym — it’s a word, like ma for mother, pa for father, ta for thank you

Aaah, OP - I'm so bloody glad to read your updates!

WELL DONE, YOU!!!

It sounds like you're doing everything right and your family are being brilliant.

Really chuffed for you.

I hope you have a wonderful, egg-shell-treading-free Christmas with your family and little ones.x.

Taking your rings off you was really really peculiar, It defies logic but I'm glad you found them so that you can decide what to do with them.
Its good that you have your support network.
I agree with previous poster. Do some experian credit checks and bill checks.

Yes! So predictable. Considering everyone is supposed to be different, these guys are all the same…it’s like they are born with the same scripts programmed into their heads.
Love bomb , devalue, discard…next is hoover…get you back to rinse and repeat. You need to go no contact . Tell him it’s through lawyers from here on in. I say again, don’t forget to record anything he says if he turns up and do keep any drug stuff for evidence

This is how you get abusers, exposing them!

I remember many many years ago I was engaged to a fist friendly guy. After things escalated one night I locked myself in a communal bathroom. We lived in a big house converted into bedsits. In the morning I went downstairs, there was a pay phone (I told you, many many years ago). Anyway I called my brothers house but his wife answered, I told her everything. I had t realised my ex heard me go down stairs, he stood at the top of the stairs listening to me tell my SIL everything. Before I even made it back upstairs he was leaving with a packed bag as he knew his secret was out and when my SIL told my brother what had been going on he’d be done for.

Luckily for him my SIL begged me not to tell my brother, she was pregnant and didn’t want my brother getting into trouble. Even though it was years before my db found out, my SIL did tell her own Dad, he was actually my ex’s godfather and my ex worshipped him. He (Godfather) was the one who made the threats to my ex telling him to stay away from me. I think that was worse punishment for my ex than if my brother had hit him.

You sound strong OP, stay that way x

You are one fierce lady, @Craics90.

Kudos for showing this horror the door. His nasty behavior has truly been beyond the pale. He certainly wasn’t thinking of your ‘love story’ when treating you like shit on his shoe and then saying you deserved to be abandoned and harmed. He clearly planned and orchestrated ditching you on his birthday evening so he could go and act like a single guy.

The truth is unfolding — his subterfuge and faithlessness have caught up with him. Drugs, women, financial secrecy. It’s not at all surprising that he has a girlfriend and has been degrading you to justify his wrongdoing. It’s the
self-serving Script! His bravado has now backfired, and Diddums doesn’t want to face the music and suffer the consequences of his actions.

As for his phony ‘I can’t live a day without you’, tell him that guff might work with Miss Jr. Accounts, but not with you. You’re armed with truth and clarity now.

Honestly we've only got your side of the story so I don't know if you're being unreasonable about everything else.
Don't answer the door if you don't want to.

But who the hell goes into town 2 weeks before Christmas and then complains it's busy?

So where was you car? Couldn’t you drive home?

Forgive me for wondering, @CosyLemur, but have you only read the OP's first post from three days ago?

Is that the best you can come up with? Go back to your x-box.

She had drunk two glasses of wine, which would have put her over the limit.

Two glasses wouldn't make me drunk either but I wouldn't drive after two glasses.

OP I dont know if youre still reading these messages but I just wanted to say well done, im so proud of you! Your H sounds horrendous, I could say a million things but I think theyve all been covered! You and your DCs deserve a million times better than this! Stick to your guns, be happy, have an amazing Christmas and make 2025 your year to find yourself again. Hes taken alot from you, please dont let him take anymore. Good luck! You sound like an incredible person, very strong and brave. Hes taken you for granted and beat your self worth to the ground. Time to build it back up again.

Oh do one! Are you the exH?

Yep only ever read the first post! Can't be bothered with drip feeders, as the drip feeds usually always benefit them when the conversation isn't going as they wanted.

@CosyLemur Thanks ever so much for your beneficial input. It’s so greatly appreciated.

I hope your perfect life continues and you at the very least find something else to keep yourself occupied instead of trying to pick fights on the internet 😊

Nollaig Shona 🎄

OP 💪🏻 keep going girl, yer doing smashing x

@CosyLemur If you can’t be bothered to read past any first post by an OP, why even bother to comment or engage in a thread, when you’ll clearly have nothing of value to add.

@CosyLemur if you don't understand the difference between drip feeding and a thread that evolves over a number of days, and CBA to read the whole thread I don't think you should be commenting.

It's lazy and it's really rude.

Thanks! Bit late.

So, for example, if an OP posts to say that her DH was on a night out and hadn't come home and his phone was switched off, but then posts further updates to say that he had been attacked and is now in hospital, you wouldn't think that would be useful information to have before posting?

You would post 3 days after the OP's first post, deliberately not reading any of the OP's additional posts, and possibly saying something upsetting to the OP because you can't be bothered with drip feeders?

Are you as lazy in all other areas of life @CosyLemur ? Would explain your ‘advice’ .