He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

Does it matter? Is asking your DH a civil question a valid excuse for abuse and neglect these days?

You have cognitive dissonance about this man. We've all been there, I think. But there's nothing 'pretty good' about him. It doesn't matter that 'he would stop everything' for you - apart from making jokes about your weight, your clothes, and your speec!h - read that back again... when he also tells you that your safety is not his problem and that if you came to harm or worse, you would have deserved it.

I'm still shocked reading that. This man is not a good person.

"He belittles me every day, he calls me posh and mocks the way I speak. He mocks my clothing. He’s usually a very nice and funny man,"

Some people have a bizarre sense of humour.
Beat the post Christmas rush - get advice on divorce.

I read the opening post and thought 'what a shitty way to treat your wife'...your husband acted horribly last night, but people do sometimes act horribly, especially when they are drunk.

I saw the usual response from some posters...LEAVE HIM, GET HIM OUT etc etc...typical over reaction, you don't leave a husband, father of your children because they act like a complete arse on their birthday.

But then I read the other posts the OP made...he sounds completely vile, from what has been said he has no respect, no love, not even much affection for his wife.
The comment about deserving to be murdered or raped is unforgivable, I truly hope the poster has good friends and family around, because when a husband turns out to be so nasty, I do think it's time to get good advice....including legal advice.

Good luck.

' he's usually a pretty good fella '

bu whose standards ?

certainly not mine.

you need to find your bar and lift it off the floor - as that's where it is currently.

No OP he is not usually a pretty good fella nor is he a funny nice man. He belittles you, makes fun of your clothes and the way you talk, called you a tart and a wanker, laughed when someone mad a fat joke about you, and thinks that if you had been raped or killed when he left you in the city centre you would have deserved it. I can think of many words to describe him, but good, funny and nice would not be amongst them.

Look, I used to be in an abusive relationship as well. Occasionally, he’d mow the lawn for his grandma or take my little girl to the park.

Horrible people are capable of being nice sometimes. But most of the time, they’re horrible, aren’t they.

Your husband sounds like a total a&$€hole. He really does. You have one life in this world — just a few decades: do you want to spend it with this person? Or would life maybe be better without him in it?

I think you already know the answer.

Adding on to this - he left her alone in the city, she had to get her elderly dad to pick her up. Only right she reflects his actions and doesn't let him in!

He is an arse. To leave you in a busy city so he can carry on his evening with his friends, then lie about it, is vile. You know, you deserve so much more. You sound lovely OP. Xx

@ForTicklishSquid because I had overheard him on Friday evening on the phone saying yes I’ll meet yous around. He then asked me to cancel the bookings, which I did and told him I’d give them all a lift in I didn’t mind staying home. Could get some wrapping done and I would come in to pick them up again. He told me no no no, didn’t want to go out with them despite what I’d just heard. When I asked him today why didn’t he just say he wanted to meet the friends he told me he had no intention of meeting them yet when he left me he didn’t make any attempt to go home. He solely sought out the friends. He then went somewhere more local which when I asked he flew off the handle but he says he went with them because that’s what they wanted? Yet when I offered everything and suggested lots of places I was the worst in the world for not wanting to be there!! Admittedly I wasn’t a fan of being there because of the volumes of people but I was genuinely happy to go along with whatever he wanted because it was for him.

You are married to utter scum, utterly vile.

He is not a good man in any shape or form.
Abusive Coke head.
Make no mistake about that.
Get legal advice and mention his coke habit.
He has shown himself to be the utter dregs of society.
Get a recommendation for good legal advice.
Get on to Women's aid in ireland.
Make it very clear that he has a coke issue.
He is highly abusive.
He pressured you to sell your house so you would be stuck.

Coercive control is a crime in Ireland.
Make it clear that he pressured you to sell your house, put the money into his house, and is now telling you that everything is his.
Coercive control is a crime.
Do not be afraid to say that he is abusive and controlling with a coke problem.
See how he feels about people knowing what utter scum he is.

It is so important you get a good solicitor.
Do not protect him.
Abusive men love secrecy.
Reach out to friends and family and tell the truth.
Your marriage is over so take all the support you can get.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Cocaine hasn't smashed a marriage though really in this case, although might have been the catalyst for it to happen in one go, rather than the slow chipping away at OP's self-worth that was already happening. Him being a sad little excuse of a man is what's really smashed the marriage. He doesn't do his share of work around the house, he's always laughed at/mocked OP, he's verbally abusive when they argue, he's been lying to her about her financial entitlement to keep her in line. The coke-fuelled bashing on the door with his pig mates, and the subsequent nastiness has just lifted the blinds to who he's been all along.

Haven't read all of the posts as yet but up until where he was smashing on the door.

My first thought is this is cocaine fuelled selfish pig behaviour...

Exactly ! They give a tiny bit just to make you question Yourself.

Seriously ? Have you read the post ?
lets not go back the way for op’s sake

What a fucking knob. Leave him. Leave him now before Christmas. Tell him it’s what he deserves.

Op arranged a birthday night for him . His fave place for food then onto his fave place for drinks
He asked her to cancel the meal. .funny this was around the time she herd him on the phone to his friends .
She cancels the meal and also offered for him to go out with his friends she would stay home and doing wrapping for Xmas and also collect him .
He said no he wanted to go out with her. .

He then kicked off while they were out. Left OP alone in. a busy city she couldn’t get a taxi or über and in the end had to call her dad.

Horrible husband then appears at the door middle of the night with 3 mates out his face on drink and drugs .
Op didn’t want to let him in. She posted here and here we are.

It’s since came out how he treats op .

At the point he said " if something had happened to you, you would have got what you deserved" Did that kill your marriage stone dead? It bloody well should have. Would he think that of his daughter if it was her ? He is an nasty bastard.

Manipulative tendencies are RED flags 🚩🚩🚩. You’re obviously trying so very hard to please him which is also odd. The relationship seems very one-sided, do give it a deep thought. You deserve way more respect and value than he’s able to offer you.