He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

You can do better, so do better 💖

My ex use to behave like this. I thought it was normal at the time. He deserted me in the markets of Bangkok once. Get rid of him! It will feel like the hardest thing at the time but growth is real.

In Ireland, unless you signed a legal agreement before you got married then half the house is yours. So he's talking shite.

Where you out in Dublin? I was in town last night and it was absolutely bonkers, queues outside everywhere and a nightmare to get home.

Best of luck to you - I hope you know that you don't deserve a life like this and 2025 is much better for you and your kids.

He’s talking out of his arse. He has a little bit of information but is weaponising it against you without having all the facts

“Pre-marital assets: These are personal property that usually stays with the original owner. This includes assets acquired before the marriage or received as gifts or inheritance. However, if pre-marital assets are mixed with marital assets or used for family purposes, they may be considered matrimonial assets”

“Non-matrimonial assets may be matrimonialised by intermingling with matrimonial assets.”
Link here

You need to get receipts and proof of your contribution to the renovations and funds into the house.

I'm glad you have the support of your friends op.

Do check the legalities around the house. In the UK you can register an interest via the land registry - not sure if there is the same for you.

@MatildaTheCat oh absolutely, white powder galore with that lot. Which is why I didn’t want to be around them. I’ve never known DH to engage with any of that but then I’ve never known DH to do a lot of things that he’s done.

His behaviour was no good, I'd be really annoyed at cancelling the restaurant and also the rest of his behaviour, however...

I don't get the getting left by yourself in the city centre and you having to call your elderly dad, why did you have to call your dad?? For me, this seems too needy. Surely, in a city centre, nobody needs to come to rescue you, there are plenty of alternatives: buses, ubers. If the area is too busy, you can take a bus to a less busy area to take a taxi from there. Or go and have a drink by yourself and take a taxi at a different time

Sorry if I miss the point, but to me calling your dad is very unreasonable so I wonder about the whole story

As soon as I read Queue 4pm and realise you meant cue, I knew what was coming.

Your h planned an argument so he could go and play with his friends. What a knob head.

What did your dad say ?

@Craics90 please re-read some of the things you have written that he has said to you:

"I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem"

"started a row so he could do his own thing"

"I’ll never get an apology because he never apologies. He turns it all on me"

"He belittles me every day, he calls me posh and mocks the way I speak. He mocks my clothing"

"I’ve asked for an apology but all he’s said is that I am a wanker and I got what I deserved"

"if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved"

" He has always told me it’s a pre marital asset and I wouldn’t be entitled to any of it. Only the children"

"He also called me a “jumped up tart” because of me not opening the door scenario"

You can't let your children grow up around someone like this. Can you take the kids and go and stay with your parents? All assets are 50/50 starting point in a marriage. If you invested money in doing the house up then start adding all this up and demand it back. Take the kids and get away from this awful man.

I think you could do better than this... Why not outright accuse the OP of orchestrating it all to get the husband's house? See, I can do so much better than you.

@LittleSF yes we were out in Dublin and it was absolutely crazy. I felt uncomfortable as it was anyway because as you know yourself you’re holding on to each other just pushing through crowds and everyone is spilling drink down you. I asked him a few times are you ok, what are you drinking etc and he barely grunted back at me. He honestly wasn’t interested in having a conversation. I got a new outfit and I felt so gorgeous and he took one look at me and said “are you really wearing that, what you had on looked better” which was jeans and boots. I am so deflated today. I don’t know what to do aside from keep the kids away and safe. But how do I do that? Do I just take them from their home? I don’t imagine he’ll go easily

She asked the question that I was thinking too.
Don’t what to de rail though from your main focus op.
Your husband is a nasty dick . White powder or no white powder !

FFS. busy Saturday night close to Christmas in the city and you think it’s easy for a woman to get a cab at all? Or that it’s okay to be left alone among partying/drunk revellers at tat time with no guarantee that she could get a taxi later either?

Oh, and that’s aside from the fact that you are victim-blaming an abused woman… you should be ashamed of yourself.

we live just under an hour away from the city centre. I asked him did he want to stay there for the night prior to all of this and he said no because he had something panned for Sunday for all of us. I tried to stop taxis and they were either booked or said no. I couldn’t get anywhere. The place was rammed. I really didn’t want to call my dad and disclose all of my personal business. At my age it’s downright embarrassing to tell my parents anything that makes me feel so pathetic. A friend of mine was out with her SIL in the same area for a family dinner. She offered to drive us home around 11/12, which was what we had decided to do as we live close by to each other. However this all happened before 7pm and she couldn’t pick me up at that time.

He sounds vile. Legally the house is 50:50 regardless of who 'owns' it. Pensions and savings are also split so if he has a larger pension he will get less of house profit or savings.

I'd start putting some money away and planning what next.

@2025willbemytime my dad is disgusted. They’ve been really close up until last night. He then had a go at me this morning for getting my dad to bring me home as how dare I tell him what happened

Do you let men walk all over you in real life too?

And do you know what gaslighting actually is? You can’t just use a new big word anywhere because you think it sounds good.

What do think about the things he said to her, like she deserved it if she got attacked etc?

Doesn't that make all the other stuff irrelevant? It would to me.

Gosh your H sounds awful but surely his behaviour last night hasn't come from nowhere , he must have been pretty horrible for some time.
I can't see any redeeming features some what you've written. You're better off without him.

He also called me a “jumped up tart” because of me not opening the door scenario. I’m not a tart, but it’s the first time I’ve been called one lol.

No you're not because there's no such thing, is there.

Leave the piece of shit today.

😂 you are mad !
She locked 4 men out the house who were intoxicated and on drugs !

Don't turn this on Op

She did the right thing.

She didn’t moan she commented . She was picking up on his mood and probably trying to make changes to see if it would make him happy .

Poor man that he is .
His wife deserved all that came to her!
Give yourself a shake.

Leave him. He obviously has no respect for you.

Jumped up tart?

more like you’re not jumping to his tune. How dare you not jump when he says jump.