He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

There your reason to leave right there.
Don’t think this is a one off, he’s not done anything like this before.
Ime his behaviour will only get worse.

I went to the effort of opening your response to my comment. I wish I hadn't bothered.

There is honestly no reason for you to police or to have a nark at my post. Why would you do that? 'We' all know you are just being a crank so why bother? And I will just ignore your comments from here on.

And drop the 'we all' - it's just you having a go - everyone else is capable of speaking for themselves.

So there is a backstory OP - he is abusive. Please let this be the final straw and leave him for your own self worth and the future happiness of your children. You deserve better. He won’t change and things will only get worse. Let this be the catalyst for change in your life. It’ll be the best thing you do.

I hope you told your friends exactly what happened when they text.

He's an utter bastard.

Also in Ireland - this might be useful to you. From https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth-family-relationships/problems-in-marriages-and-other-relationships/property-rights-and-the-breakdown-of-a-cohabiting-relationship/#l0b797

You do not have to be a legal owner (have your name on the title deeds) of the family home to have a legal right to the property after marriage breakdown. It all depends on the surrounding facts. Matters such as each person’s contribution (financial and otherwise) to the home and the family will be very important.

Legalities aside, it sounds like he has completely switched off and is behaving with contempt towards you, while trying to make out it's all your fault. This is not a good man

He's not her problem! Just like she wasn't his....works both ways no?

@Craics90 speaking from years of similar experience to yours I'd say he resents being married with children. He thinks he's missing out on the good life and freedom. Believe me this will get worse. His comments re property ownership rang a lot of bells. Please don't settle for this shit. Seek legal advice and tell him nothing.

He sounds absolutely horrible and in your place I think I’d be taking the DC and gong to your parents whilst seeking legal advice.

Do you think there was white powder involved last night? He sounds very volatile.

Then why did he get married and have children?? Nobody forced him

My gosh dear OP, what an awful thing to say to you. Am glad you have your parents nearby and I hope you also have friends to lean on. This man has shown his true colours. I wish you love and strength in this next chapter as you forge ahead without this deadbeat.

@Craics90 get rid of him he won't change he will continue to drag you down. My ex was exactly the same, he had a way of making me feel like I was the unreasonable one. In the end I didn't know my arse from my elbow, I was a shadow of myself. Then I snapped one day after he said something can't remember what, but I thought fuck this I dont deserve this. You don't deserve to be treated this way either nobody does.

@Craics90 i also wouldn’t be hiding from the friends that you weren’t sick but that he created an argument, left you and has since said you deserved to be raped or murdered. I stopped hiding how bad it was and was surprised at how many friends voiced they had actually been worried about me but because I covered for him they didn’t feel they could say anything.

good luck. x

Found the husband…

Probably because at the time it suited him as was the case with my husband. However years later he had buyers regret.

You married this?

Divorce him, seriously.

Why do you care?

I agree with this!

My friends and family were the same, they felt as powerless as me.

I might be completely wrong but that poster’s name seems to ring a bell with me and they do posts like this to women.

Please leave this man, you sound far too good for him.

As soon as you paid money into the house by renovating it, you should have been added to the deeds. You do need legal advice, but if you can prove that you paid for improvements, and depending on Irish law, you could still have a claim to half or some of the property.

I agree with PP that you should contact your friends and advise them that you only went home because he abandoned you. Reach out for support from the ones that you can trust

Sorry if you have already answered this, but are you able to go to your parents to stay and start divorce proceedings immediately?

What a horrible bastard. There are no other words.

The children have never seen any of this type of behaviour. We also have a daughter and all I can think of is if someone treated her like this would be locked up in a cell.

Sorry OP, but I think you are very naive to think that your DC won't have picked up on his vile attitude toward you.

Sure, they might not have been there for specific incidents like last night, but it's very easy when you're in an abusive relationship to minimise the lower-level abuse you're subjected to on a daily basis because that becomes your "normal".

I often used to think "at least he's not hitting us" and assume that meant Ex-H's abuse wasn't 'serious' when my DC were little - unfortunately your DC will have picked up on far more than you realise, which will obviously be their "normal", and their blueprint for their own future relationships.

Oh dear. What a waste of time, to write such a long diatribe, on the basis of such poor reading and comprehension of the OP's posts

Jesus Christ. Your updates.

Get yourself as far away as you can from this piece of shit excuse for a man. The words he has used against you are unforgivable

@SquishyGloopyBum yes, I’ve told them. Although I’m so embarrassed I didn’t really want to. They have all said they are utterly disgusted. He told them all I went home sick. I told them all no he left me alone in city centre and I wandered around for over an hour on my own while trying to get a lift. I called my dad as an absolute last resort. Men were approaching me asking me for change and when I said no I didn’t have any, which I didn’t they were saying “look at you of course you have money” I was voice noting my friend when this happened and I have it on recording. I was really terrified.