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AIBU?

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Original poster

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
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5
Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 15/12/2024 12:48

I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. He knowingly endangered your life. You are not controlling, and he does not deserve to have a wife. Please, please get yourself and children away from him as soon as possible.

Aberentian · 15/12/2024 12:48

@TANK1980 you don't know what controlling means. @BlitheSpirits you definitely don't know what gaslighting means.

Longma · 15/12/2024 12:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

MatildaTheCat · 15/12/2024 12:49

so he’s an abusive coke head. Honestly, take the kids, your essential documents and leave. Ask your dad to come over and help?

Of course it’s a shock to realise that you’re in this position but staying there with DC isn’t actually a safe or responsible option.

I’m very sorry.

Codlingmoths · 15/12/2024 12:49

I’d see a solicitor and go for what I deserve out of the marriage, I’d be shocked if it’s not part of the house . You have children together and you put money into the house.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/12/2024 12:50

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Show quote history

Fucking hell. He's a class A shit.

Please leave this foul man.

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/12/2024 12:50

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 12:39

@LittleSF yes we were out in Dublin and it was absolutely crazy. I felt uncomfortable as it was anyway because as you know yourself you’re holding on to each other just pushing through crowds and everyone is spilling drink down you. I asked him a few times are you ok, what are you drinking etc and he barely grunted back at me. He honestly wasn’t interested in having a conversation. I got a new outfit and I felt so gorgeous and he took one look at me and said “are you really wearing that, what you had on looked better” which was jeans and boots. I am so deflated today. I don’t know what to do aside from keep the kids away and safe. But how do I do that? Do I just take them from their home? I don’t imagine he’ll go easily

Show quote history

I think you hang fire this week.
Get all the paperwork you need . Speak to a solicitor .
Make sure you have access to half of the joint savings .

If you have to go to your parents and oh can do it when schools break up at end of the week. .
Go for a holiday and don’t come back.
Not sure ages of your dcs but if they are young it be easier.
Also if your parents are close by less upheval.

2025willbemytime · 15/12/2024 12:52

Ignore posters who are male apologists and have no compassion. Whatever you did or didn't do@Craics90 there is no excuse for what he has said to you since.

Please book a solicitors appointment for as soon as possible and take your dad with you for support. He can make notes as there will be a lot to take in.

Get everything in place then tell him it's over. Have someone with you when you do. Be prepared for fake apologies, fake good behaviour that doesn't last then for the fact he'll probably get angry to try and bully you into staying.

wizzywig · 15/12/2024 12:55

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Show quote history

No no no. That last comment. He said you'd deserve to be murdered?!

Whoyoutakingto · 15/12/2024 12:55

Aberentian · 15/12/2024 12:48

@TANK1980 you don't know what controlling means. @BlitheSpirits you definitely don't know what gaslighting means.

@TANK1980 what a vile individual.

Stretchanoctave · 15/12/2024 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You clearly haven't read the thread and have made up your own version of what happened. You come across as a right twat.

Einaldilastcup · 15/12/2024 12:56

OP what he is doing is doubling down on his contempt for you as deep down he knows he has been a cunt.

You should absolutely leave as it will only get worse. This was me and my ex when he had completely checked out of the marriage - he left me somewhere too.

Read the book ‘too bad to stay, too good to leave’ x

Teenie22 · 15/12/2024 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What is wrong with you?? You’ve completely manipulated all of what the OP said and made massive (incorrect) assumptions. Read what’s written and nothing more.

Pomegranatecarnage · 15/12/2024 13:05

I am really sorry that you had such a horrible evening-please know your worth. He doesn’t deserve you.

BlitheSpirits · 15/12/2024 13:07

I certainly do,

Almondina · 15/12/2024 13:08

OP, leave this man. I hope you can go to your parents' for Christmas, and it's great you are already thinking about how to handle the solicitor.
You said you feel embarrassed telling friends, but you've started to do so anyway, and you've told your DF. Well done, that's brave. It's the behavior of your husband that makes you feel embarrassed. You've nothing to feel ashamed of. It's hard as a woman to be single and to face up to the fact being single would be better than being in a relationship with a man. When that man is purposefully running you down, it makes it harder still. You've been very strong to post this. Keep going.

Everintroverte · 15/12/2024 13:11

His comment about "getting what you deserve" is absolutely horrific. He sounds worse and worse in each update.

Give him what he deserves, a bloody divorce.

TheWelshposter · 15/12/2024 13:11

ClarasSisters · 15/12/2024 08:08

I find it difficult to believe in a city centre you couldn't get a taxi. I think you rang your dad so you could tell him what a shit dh was and how badly he'd treated you.

Had you bolted the door? Or had he forgotten/lost his keys? How long did your neighbours have to listen to him banging for?

I do understand you're pissed off (understatement). He wouldn't get an opportunity to treat me like that again.

Given the OPs user name I think I might be in the same city and it is absolutely impossible to get a taxi these days. I have had to ring family members to get me in desperation to get home.

2025willbemytime · 15/12/2024 13:13

Of course he's not happy you told your dad @Craics90 because now someone knows how he is treating you. Bet thing you did was call you dad and tell him everything if there's more.

2025willbemytime · 15/12/2024 13:15

If you quoted TANK1989 post, please report yourself so MNHQ can delete it, as they have the original.

SpryCat · 15/12/2024 13:16

He could have been straight earlier when you asked him but he didn’t want to incase you moaned. He started moaning and then made up nonsense to blame you so he could justify to himself leaving you in the city on your own.
Anything could have happened to you as everyone knows it nigh on impossible to get taxis on a Saturday night coming so close to Christmas! Luckily your dad pick you up.
He didn’t give a shit about your feelings or safety and being tipsy is not an excuse, then to invite people round, expecting you to wake up and answer the door when you’d be asleep is completely unacceptable @Craics90 .
There is no coming back from this, he is horrific and I bet him and his mates had a good laugh when he met back up with them about how he’d ditched the other half.

Mainlyreading · 15/12/2024 13:17

He said that if something had happened to you while you were vulnerable you would have deserved it? Ignoring absolutely all the other red flags here this man just told you that if you were (god forbid) assaulted, raped, mugged, then you would have deserved it. Get out of there right now. He is an animal and you and your children deserve so much more.

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 15/12/2024 13:20

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 12:39

@LittleSF yes we were out in Dublin and it was absolutely crazy. I felt uncomfortable as it was anyway because as you know yourself you’re holding on to each other just pushing through crowds and everyone is spilling drink down you. I asked him a few times are you ok, what are you drinking etc and he barely grunted back at me. He honestly wasn’t interested in having a conversation. I got a new outfit and I felt so gorgeous and he took one look at me and said “are you really wearing that, what you had on looked better” which was jeans and boots. I am so deflated today. I don’t know what to do aside from keep the kids away and safe. But how do I do that? Do I just take them from their home? I don’t imagine he’ll go easily

Show quote history

OP last night in town was mental, so many super drunk people - loads of Christmas parties, and the rugby and GAA matches were on so it was really busy. He's a shit for leaving you, whatever his excuse.

The more you say about him the worse he sounds - I think this relationship is over to be honest, just work on getting out, he's not going to change.

Dollybantree · 15/12/2024 13:20

He clearly massively resents you and has zero respect. My dh of 20 years has never acted like this even when we've rowed on nights out (in the distant past when we'd go out and get leathered!)- he's by no means perfect but he would never leave me stranded somewhere, act like such a childish bellend or speak to me in the vile way your dh does. He would also never prefer to go off with "the lads" sniffing coke and chasing women - Because he's a decent person and cares for me as one spouse should care for another. And I would never tolerate such disrespect.

He isn't nasty all the time because then you would just leave so when he's calmed down he'll no doubt slime up to you and try to gloss over it as he'd had too much to drink or some such nonsense. It sounds like he either planned this or decided he'd prefer to be with his mates and ditch you.

It sounds like he's jealous of the fact you looked nice and made an effort and tries to make you insecure with the "what are you wearing" comments and calling you a stuck up cow. He's not even trying to hide his contempt. He actively wants to bring you down.

I understand how hard it is when you are financially bound and there are children involved, but if you stay with this bastard you are in for a lifetime of upset and hurt.

And fuck off the male apologists and incel's on here - we see you. Sad bastards and overweight nerds probsbly sat in their mums basement using her wifi!

You know what you have to do OP. You've done nothing wrong except allow yourself to be dragged to such a low level that you're unbelievably asking if this is your fault in any way. NO, you unfortunately married a nasty, selfish twat who I'm sure pretended to be lovely when you first got together, il guess the nastiness started around about when the first child arrived and he thought he had you trapped?

You know what you have to do, take the time to get your ducks in a row and prepare your exit.

burnoutbabe · 15/12/2024 13:24

TheDowagerCountessofPembroke · 15/12/2024 11:12

What an arse. At least he has shown his true colours and you can go now.

Not even the point but I’m confused about the car. Was the plan always to drive in and leave it there? How were you originally planning on getting back?

Same.

I am also wondering what town it is that women on their own at say 8pm are st risk of murder.

I mean he is a dick but if you went home after the cancelled meal it must have been 8 or 9 ish? Not 3am.
I'd leave him fit many reasons but i don't think a woman in a city centre at 9pm is at deadly risk.