He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

Did you tell them the truth?
Don’t protect him any longer

@TheDowagerCountessofPembroke yes, drive in and leave the car. Go in and pick up the following day.

Holy fuck @TANK1980 are you the husband?!
How is cancelling what was already booked (that he'd been happy with at the time) controlling?

Do you believe what this man’s says ? Come on op . Ignore his bullshit and nastiness.

solicitor app asap. Then you will have all the info you need to make decisions

@TANK1980, you're chatting shit.

The last thing the Op needs is another feckin man. Get away from this one. Concentrate on her kids. Do some work on how she got into a relationship where she sold her own & chidrens house to put into new husbands house & said she didn’t care when the husband said she wouldn’t be entitled to any part of the marital home.

said by someone who was with a total arse for years.

You are married with kids and have out money into the house from your sale - it certainly isn’t a pre marital asset so get proper legal advice

@Craics90 “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

I would never be able to get over this. I just can’t believe someone would say this to the person they are supposed to love and cherish. He is a nasty sick bastard, who definitely does not deserve you. If it were me, I would be unable to spend even one more day with him!

He probably thinks that he can do and say anything he wants to you, as it’s his house, but you are married to this rat so you do have rights. Get your ducks in a row, make sure you take your share of any money in joint accounts, before he gets a chance to empty them and see a solicitor as soon as you can. This has to be one of the biggest LTB I’ve ever seen on here!

Why do some people always try to twist it onto the woman here? He is clearly an arsehole and she’s better off without him.

Don’t put yourself through lots of discussions and arguments, men like this don’t change, just leave him. You’ll be much happier living without him. It’s difficult at first to make the move but do it sooner rather than later.

This - and don’t believe that his house is a premarital asset unless you both put that in writing. Am fairly sure a good solicitor, given there are children involved, will tear that apart. I believe that if you can prove that your financial needs (home for the children) cannot be met without access to funds in the house I am fairly sure the courts will support viewing it as a marital asset. I’m not a lawyer, so I am not claiming to know the law, but I do think you should speak to a solicitor asap to establish your rights as the mother of his children.

Horrible man. He doesn’t deserve you OP. Don’t feel pressured into doing anything right now. Pause. Seek legal advice. Don’t let him know what you’re thinking or planning. Don’t let him know how devastated you are feeling. Just focus on yourself and what you want and need right now. Surround yourself with family and friends. Hold your head up - you have done nothing wrong here.

How old is he?

@VaddaABeetch we have children together, he is the father. I had my own house when we met, and so did he. When we got married and before we had children I rented my house out and moved to his because his was bigger. I got fed up dealing with tenants and the mess they leave behind and I sold my own house. I wish now that I kept it but he told me that he would could do so much more with the money. He is ten years older than me. Maybe he has been planning this all along. How will we ever know

Ps. I’d be really grateful if someone arranged a birthday day out like you did!
most people would.

You need to speak to a solicitor first thing Monday, and don't let him know. Check where you would stand if you moved out with your children as sometimes this can affect your claim on the property.

You have sold your own house and paid money into improving his, even if you weren't married you would be entitled to part of the house for that alone. You are married, with children.

Get all your and your children's important documents, passports. Birth certificates etc and keep them at your parents so he has no access to them in case he tries to use that against you at any point.

He clearly has an inferiority complex OP by calling you ‘posh’ and ‘jumped up’. Deep down he feels shame and is punishing you for it. He knew he was punching when he met you and is doing his best to bring you down to his level with his cruel, vitriolic language and vile behaviour. Please get away from this vicious narcissistic man before he totally destroys you. I was in your shoes 15 years ago. I should have left many years before but kept giving him ‘one more chance’. I had years of therapy to attempt to undo the psychological damage he did. I’m still traumatised by it. Please don’t let this happen to you. My standards are now such that I will never tolerate even the slightest disrespect. I’m prepared to end a relationship at the mere hint of it.

That is utterly shit. He had plenty of opportunity to tell you he wanted to go out with his friends, and didn't. He's an even more of a dick to make you cancel a restaurant reservation, that cost you money to cancel. As for leaving you stranded in the city centre on your own... that's appalling behaviour. As your partner, how you safely get home, is his bloody concern - or it should be. The fact he didn't give a rats arse, is alarming to say the least. Yes, you both may have had a couple of drinks, but alcohol is not an excuse here. It serves him right, that you have locked him (and his mates out). Honestly, his behaviour is immature (what is he 15?) and selfish. Leaving you on your own, where anything could have happened to you, would be a huge red flag for me. I couldn't stay with someone who had so little regard for me or respect.

Unless OP is married to a 12 year old I doubt @TANK1980 is the husband. Note their use of the word "boy" to refer to OP's husband and father of her children. 🙄More likely it's just a pre-teen who's accessed their mum's MN account and is best ignored.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I’m not blaming you, He’s a horrible man. It brought back memories of my absolute arse of an ex leaving me stranded where I couldn’t even get a taxi. That’s another story

You need to be steely, time to 100% concentrate on getting the best deal to get away from him. He’ll probably love bomb you, then excuses, work is hard, mental health issues but he can go feck himself.

If you've ploughed a lot of your own cash into upkeep, maintenance and home improvements of "his" property, I'd be checking with your solicitor whether this makes the home a marital asset (irrespective of what he says).

I'm in Scotland, and was always told if I marry, NOT to let them spend any money towards the upkeep of my (mortgage free) home because then they would have a case for saying it was a marital asset. I don't know if that is still the case but I'd be investigating every avenue.

He's an utter, utter wanker Op. Any man who speaks to his DW like that deserves to be dumped asap. Make it a happy 2025 by getting a divorce

This is horrific. Im actually speechless at his behaviour, i don’t say this lightly but from what you’ve written here you have to LTB. He has no respect for you, his vile words are very worrying. You deserve SO much more.

I’m in Ireland, it’s probably the same but I really don’t know. Thank you for your comment

and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved

What the fuck am I reading.

You deserved to be raped and/or murdered is what he's saying. It's not clear what he's actually angry about or what he is accusing you of, and he doesn't have the bollocks to come out with it directly, but he thinks you deserved to be raped or murdered. Because that's what you're both alluding to when you talk about "something happening", isn't it?

Every single comment you write contains more and more disturbing information about this man and the way he treats you. He holds you in complete contempt and doesn't give a shit about you. Why are you tolerating this?

💜