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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not leave early because he was cold

173 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:07

We went to a winter Illuminations event this evening and my DH just wore a t-shirt and jacket, despite my reminders that it was cold and we should all wrap up warm... Apparently it wasn't going to be that cold...

About 1/3 of the way round he starts saying he is cold (Quelle surprise!). We stopped for some food, as was the plan. He is now trying to hurry us all up saying how cold it is and that he didn't want to be stood around for ages. I was trying to get DC to eat faster but they are slow eaters. I didn't let them go on the fairground rides as that would have meant more standing around and tried to walk through as fast as possible. We stopped to take a picture at one bit (the first of the day!) and DH just walked off as it was too cold to stand about taking pictures. The last straw was when we stopped to watch the light show. DH just said I've had enough I'm off and went back to the car. I tried to enjoy the rest of the time with the DC and not let them realise anything was wrong.

My DH is now saying that he is disappointed and I should have taken his feelings and comfort more into consideration.

Am I being unreasonable for not just rushing through the rest to get back?

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 15/12/2024 08:26

As he didn’t think, ‘oh well, no harm in putting a jumper in the boot of the car just in case.’ I’m wondering if he is another one of those arseholes who begrudge doing anything that isn’t one their absolute favourite things to do but don’t want to admit to being so selfish, so they agree to it then find a way of making the event miserable for everyone else.

It’s so duplicitous it’s hard to address. You might have to put a contingency box in the car for him like you do for kids. First aid kit, spare pants, snacks, jumper

JimHalpertsWife · 15/12/2024 09:00

when he does so much for us

Like what? Most parents work and look after the kids and do housework. What magical extra stuff is he taking on that makes him entitled to be fanned over?

Pussycat22 · 15/12/2024 09:05

AlertCat · 14/12/2024 22:09

First post nails it.

Show quote history

Another one to be thrown back to his mummy!

AlertCat · 15/12/2024 09:08

I think you might be right that, in his mind, it is another instance of him being bottom of the pecking order when he does so much for us.

In a family nobody should be top or bottom all the time. And when you have kids, as adults you have to accept that their needs are more important than our wants- AND that we should allow them joyful moments which to us are properly dull. Anything else is frankly selfish. I’m wondering if he is a bit short sighted or if he’s actually having a life sulk that he isn’t the sole focus of your attention any more. Wondering again, what nice things does he do just for you? Is there balance in these expectations, or is it all on you to make everyone else happy and sod what you want?

sanityisamyth · 15/12/2024 09:36

GiantBears · 14/12/2024 22:44

It sounds as though it's not the coat that is the problem for him. It sounds as though he feels like an unwanted extra in your family. Maybe there are two problems that it would be helful to address:

  1. his coat issue
  2. getting him a bit more feeling of being wanted.

Maybe that would be something you could talk out together?

What nice things does he do for OP? Maybe he should start there, rather than the OP adding another giant baby to her list of responsibilities.

polydactylfeline · 15/12/2024 10:25

Very selfish of him - your kids missed out on the fairground rides and couldn't enjoy their food because your DH wanted to hurry up - he should have wrapped up warm.

Tessabelle74 · 15/12/2024 17:45

I wouldn't have rushed at all, I'd have said he could wait in the car as soon as he started complaining

liverpoolnana · 15/12/2024 17:52

I know this is going a bit away from the point, but you might like to think about having an emergency bag in the car for the winter (old but warm/.waterproof coats, torch, hat, gloves, whatever), in case you ever break down and have to get out of the car.

LittleRedYarny · 15/12/2024 17:54

YANBU!
As have said many a time to many people “you didn’t fall out my fanny so it is not my responsibility…”

On the point that he is stressed with work/feels bottom of the pile, he should firstly be using his big boy words and secondly relationships are a two way street and he should be equally cherishing you and making you feel a priority (I suspect he is not!)

Deboragh · 15/12/2024 17:56

'winter illuminations'?? FFS! Christmas Lights, they're called Christmas lights.

Sharptonguedwoman · 15/12/2024 18:30

Stormyweatheroutthere · 14/12/2024 22:10

You should have told him to buggar off and sit in the car for the whole thing...

Absolutely this. And then had fun on the fairground rides.

RetroTotty · 15/12/2024 18:32

@PyongyangKipperbang permavictim now added to my vocabulary, thanks! 😁

JJWT · 15/12/2024 18:35

I voted you are not being unreasonable however you are a bit for not making the most of the event regarding the rides etc, due to the man-child issue. I would have taken no heed whatsoever of that crap, and got the most possible enjoyment out of the (presumably not free) event for myself and kids. An adult wearing a t-shirt and jacket in December is the author of their own discomfort. What a prize plonker!

Laurmolonlabe · 15/12/2024 18:36

He should take his own comfort more into consideration- his reaction was really childish, if you make a wrong decision about what to wear, in my book you have to just grin and bear it.

sanityisamyth · 15/12/2024 18:36

liverpoolnana · 15/12/2024 17:52

I know this is going a bit away from the point, but you might like to think about having an emergency bag in the car for the winter (old but warm/.waterproof coats, torch, hat, gloves, whatever), in case you ever break down and have to get out of the car.

Whose responsibility is it to do that?!

rainbowsparkle28 · 15/12/2024 18:40

He is a grown adult and you specifically said to him it will be cold. It was completely unfair of him to then ruin it for everyone else just because he was too stupid to plan ahead properly. In such situations just don't pander to it. What a selfish ass. If he was that cold he should have gone and waited somewhere warmer / in car or just grin and bear it but not ruined it for the rest of you. I would be raging.

sprigatito · 15/12/2024 18:40

He ruined the event for you and his children because he was too stubborn and stupid to dress appropriately? What an absolute manchild. I'd be furious.

Startingagainandagain · 15/12/2024 18:42

Selfish and immature...

I am cynical by nature so would also wonder if he did this on purpose (not taking a jumper) because he did not want to have a family day out in the first place and this was his planned excuse to cut the outing short.

In the end he was just a complete dick about the whole thing.

If this is his usual behaviour I would wonder why you are with someone like that.

lto2019 · 15/12/2024 18:42

Did he actually want to go?It sounds like he didn't really want to go - deliberately dressed inappropriately so he could cut the visit short. Honestly, I don't know how people put up with people like this. When he said he was cold, I would have said tough shit, you should have worn a jumper like I said but you're not ruining the visit for the kids because you thought a t shirt in December was ok - jump up and town

rainbowsparkle28 · 15/12/2024 18:43

liverpoolnana · 15/12/2024 17:52

I know this is going a bit away from the point, but you might like to think about having an emergency bag in the car for the winter (old but warm/.waterproof coats, torch, hat, gloves, whatever), in case you ever break down and have to get out of the car.

And who no doubt is going to sort that 🤨 He was specifically told that won't be enough clothing it's cold but no, he knows best...

HunterAngel · 15/12/2024 18:44

I definitely wouldn’t have cut the trip short. He’s a grown man (allegedly) and should know to dress for cold weather in December. I’d have told him to wait in the car and thoroughly enjoyed myself on the rides. Would’ve taken my time about it too

MaggieMistletoe · 15/12/2024 18:50

What a plonker. I've underdressed and been cold at kids things before, in the rush of having 3 under 4 it happened a number of times because I was too frazzled to think about myself. And on those occasions I've just put up and shut up and got absolutely frozen.
He sounds like a weak man child who doesn't take responsibility. But these posts are often just a snapshot of ordinary people's most foolish moments, so I am not judging your DH overall character.

Pensionswew · 15/12/2024 19:01

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/12/2024 23:03

I am almost certainly a lot older than you and therefore a lot more stroppy.

So..."I said it would be cold and wrapped the kids up warmly, I dressed warmly, you said 'it wont be that cold' and chose not to. Please explain how that is me putting you last" and then when he kicks off and tries to the do the permavictim bollocks "So you are pissed off that your poor choices led to poor consequences but you still think that your children should miss out and compensate you for that? Duly noted"

But I am a pissed off late middle aged bitch who wont take this shit anymore.

This.
What a selfish twat.
Won't dress appropriately and is happy to ruin the day for everyone because of it.
How selfish.
What a man child.
What a shit father.
Who does this?
A twat does.
So unattractive.
I cannot stomach men like this.
EVERYTHING is about them.

AshCrapp · 15/12/2024 19:02

God, men are so hard to like sometimes.

MiniPumpkin · 15/12/2024 19:07

What a big cry baby

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