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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not leave early because he was cold

173 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:07

We went to a winter Illuminations event this evening and my DH just wore a t-shirt and jacket, despite my reminders that it was cold and we should all wrap up warm... Apparently it wasn't going to be that cold...

About 1/3 of the way round he starts saying he is cold (Quelle surprise!). We stopped for some food, as was the plan. He is now trying to hurry us all up saying how cold it is and that he didn't want to be stood around for ages. I was trying to get DC to eat faster but they are slow eaters. I didn't let them go on the fairground rides as that would have meant more standing around and tried to walk through as fast as possible. We stopped to take a picture at one bit (the first of the day!) and DH just walked off as it was too cold to stand about taking pictures. The last straw was when we stopped to watch the light show. DH just said I've had enough I'm off and went back to the car. I tried to enjoy the rest of the time with the DC and not let them realise anything was wrong.

My DH is now saying that he is disappointed and I should have taken his feelings and comfort more into consideration.

Am I being unreasonable for not just rushing through the rest to get back?

OP posts:
JC03745 · 14/12/2024 22:23

Unless he has SEN that means he can't understand its cold outside in December, he'd flown in today from a hot country and completely mis read how cold night time is here, or your DH is actually an 8yr old- then YANBU at all OP!!!

Sncl · 14/12/2024 22:24

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:20

Yes I did. He said 'oh yes, of course it all my fault as usual!' I said yes dressing warm was entirely your own responsibility.

Show quote history

I cba with that whiney oh it’s always my fault bullshit. Yanbu, he’s acting like a grumpy child not a grown up responsible for dressing himself, sorry he put a dampener on the night

Terrribletwos · 14/12/2024 22:24

Well probably a one off if hes fine in other ways but yes he shouldnt have been moaning, its his own fault, he should own it!

AlertCat · 14/12/2024 22:24

For context he is incredibly busy at work at the moment, very stressed and I'm tied up with work and DC a lot so don't have much time to do anything nice just for him.

Oh. So he needs you to observe and validate all his feelings, make him wrap up warm to make him feel special? as well as the kids? Hm.

I don’t imagine he has much time to anything nice just for you, either. Does that count as important or is it just nice things for him that matter?

Sockmate123 · 14/12/2024 22:24

Dickhead and a baby. It's winter, wrap up FFS. Sounds like my DH 🙄

littleburn · 14/12/2024 22:27

He's definitely a contender for this thread:

To think that *Some men steal the joy http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5226650-to-think-that-some-men-steal-the-joy

Screamingabdabz · 14/12/2024 22:29

Jeez I couldn’t cope with being around a big whiny man-child who can’t take responsibility and then pouts and sulks when called out on it… a walking ick.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 14/12/2024 22:31

Well it wouldn’t have been you and DCs stood around in the cold uncomfortable because you are a responsible adult able to dress appropriately for an outdoor activity in December.
He may be using this as a means of communicating genuine feelings he has about his position/status in the family pecking order that does need to be addressed if that is the case, but this specific situation is all on him. I would have been way less patient and told him to wait in the car long before he suggested it. I wouldn’t have him huffing and puffing and tutting and ruining a family night out like a stroppy teenager. And these things aren’t cheap either. It’s a hard no from me.

Jk987 · 14/12/2024 22:32

Ok it sounds like he didn't want to go in the first place but didn't have the guts to tell you that when you bought the tickets.

Flopsy145 · 14/12/2024 22:32

My DH regularly will not wear a coat and usually just a t-shirt and hoodie or gilet. No matter the weather and how cold he is he will stubbornly never admit to being cold, if he did I think I would just laugh and say should have worn a coat then.
Your DH sounds like a man child, is he always so selfish?

Endofyear · 14/12/2024 22:33

Tell him that you and the children shouldn't have to cut your evening short because he's a giant man baby who can't dress himself appropriately for the weather 🙄

EucalyptusAndPeppermint · 14/12/2024 22:34

For context he is incredibly busy at work at the moment, very stressed and I'm tied up with work and DC a lot so don't have much time to do anything nice just for him.

Aw poor little poppet 🙄 Tell him to take some responsibility for his own actions, it was his fault he never dressed for the weather. What were you supposed to do? Physically dress him? What does he do that’s nice for you?

My DH is now saying that he is disappointed and I should have taken his feelings and comfort more into consideration

I have absolutely no time for anyone who acts like this he’s an adult who can decide what to wear, if he chooses not wear appropriate clothing that’s his issue. How some adults manage to navigate life with this attitude astounds me sometimes.

Howisitnotobvious · 14/12/2024 22:35

No way would I have hurried the children on at all. I would have let him leave and wait in the car. Have you seen the fun/ joy suckers thread OP?

WeeWigglet · 14/12/2024 22:36

Hes giving big entitled twat vibes OP.

Leaking his 'poor me, pander to my ego' feelings all over the place. This is to distract from his own stupid behaviour which he doesn't want to acknowledge.

Stay firm that the reason for the night being ruined is firmly on him being incapable of to dressing appropriately for nighttime in December & nothing to do with how much attention he gets.

lionloaf · 14/12/2024 22:38

Absolute ick!!!

BlueSilverCats · 14/12/2024 22:38

I have a pic of OH damp and absolutely freezing in an open tractor trailer ,all hidden in his (quite thin) coat. He's shaking a tambourine and singing Christmas songs as it was a ride/day out for (then little ) DD ,despite being utterly miserable.

You told him to get dressed properly. He didn’t.

If it was that bad, he could've gone to the car earlier and let you and the kids enjoy yourselves.

He could've just sucked it up.

You’re not his mum.

friendlycat · 14/12/2024 22:40

I would find it hard having a reasonable conversation with an adult being so stupid. So he was cold because he didn’t dress appropriately. Big deal. Just get on with it.

Doubledded123 · 14/12/2024 22:41

You married a wally. I had one of those , now I don't. Do not ever ever think its your fault.
Don't make excuses for him.
Plan days out without him.

Christ why do so many women put up with shit like this?

CurlewKate · 14/12/2024 22:43

So you rushed the children through, didn't let them have fun and you're worrying it was your fault and thinking you don't do enough nice things for him? He's got you right where he wants you, hadn't he?

GiantBears · 14/12/2024 22:44

It sounds as though it's not the coat that is the problem for him. It sounds as though he feels like an unwanted extra in your family. Maybe there are two problems that it would be helful to address:

  1. his coat issue
  2. getting him a bit more feeling of being wanted.

Maybe that would be something you could talk out together?

Jellyslothbridge · 14/12/2024 22:44

He missed the oppertunity for some snuggles (aka elf film)

Tink3rbell30 · 14/12/2024 22:46

I would not have rushed my children to finish food or stopped them going on rides because of a silly man child.

Iloveacurry · 14/12/2024 22:46

Yep he’s an idiot!

ThatTealViewer · 14/12/2024 22:47

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:18

Oh gosh! Thank you all so much! I was starting to wonder if I was really in the wrong!

Apparently if it was any of the children or me that was cold we would have been quicker (I pointed out that if that was the case I would have taken full responsibility!) and it's just because he is always bottom of the line and no one cares about him that we were slow! He thinks his feelings just don't matter.

For context he is incredibly busy at work at the moment, very stressed and I'm tied up with work and DC a lot so don't have much time to do anything nice just for him.

Does he do nice things ‘just for you’?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/12/2024 22:47

How childish - did he forget he is an adult, and a parent at that.

please don't make excuses for him
' he is incredibly busy at work at the moment, very stressed and I'm tied up with work '
he is old enough to be married / have children / hold down a job

he is old enough to dress himself appropriately for the time of year / the weather / the planned activity.