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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not leave early because he was cold

173 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:07

We went to a winter Illuminations event this evening and my DH just wore a t-shirt and jacket, despite my reminders that it was cold and we should all wrap up warm... Apparently it wasn't going to be that cold...

About 1/3 of the way round he starts saying he is cold (Quelle surprise!). We stopped for some food, as was the plan. He is now trying to hurry us all up saying how cold it is and that he didn't want to be stood around for ages. I was trying to get DC to eat faster but they are slow eaters. I didn't let them go on the fairground rides as that would have meant more standing around and tried to walk through as fast as possible. We stopped to take a picture at one bit (the first of the day!) and DH just walked off as it was too cold to stand about taking pictures. The last straw was when we stopped to watch the light show. DH just said I've had enough I'm off and went back to the car. I tried to enjoy the rest of the time with the DC and not let them realise anything was wrong.

My DH is now saying that he is disappointed and I should have taken his feelings and comfort more into consideration.

Am I being unreasonable for not just rushing through the rest to get back?

OP posts:
AGameOfPatience · 14/12/2024 22:52

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:20

Yes I did. He said 'oh yes, of course it all my fault as usual!' I said yes dressing warm was entirely your own responsibility.

Show quote history

Yes. It is all his fault. Whose fault does he think it is that he was freezing cold after actively refusing to wear anything warmer despite being advised to do so?!

Dollars to rubles he'd be pissed off if you told this story - however neutrally - to anyone he knows and respects. Because he knows fine well he's in the wrong and acting like an absolute tit. He just thinks he can get away with throwing his weight around and behaving this way towards his immediate family and is confidante doing so as long as it remains behind closed doors. Red flag.

I'm actually quite sad and angry for your children that they weren't allowed to go on the rides because of their dad's childish stupidity and sulk.

pizzaHeart · 14/12/2024 22:53

But you did care about his comfort and told him to put something more substantial on. You could be more demanding but then he would blame you for treating him like a child.
We left early outdoors events early a few times as I was cold but the were situation when I genuinely misjudged because e.g it was sunny and quiet in the city but very windy in the countryside. But your description of what he was wearing looked more like a deliberate sabotage.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/12/2024 22:55

You should have taken his comfort into consideration...? When he didn't take his own comfort into consideration when getting ready, despite a reminder from you to do so? Massive numpty

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:55

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 14/12/2024 22:31

Well it wouldn’t have been you and DCs stood around in the cold uncomfortable because you are a responsible adult able to dress appropriately for an outdoor activity in December.
He may be using this as a means of communicating genuine feelings he has about his position/status in the family pecking order that does need to be addressed if that is the case, but this specific situation is all on him. I would have been way less patient and told him to wait in the car long before he suggested it. I wouldn’t have him huffing and puffing and tutting and ruining a family night out like a stroppy teenager. And these things aren’t cheap either. It’s a hard no from me.

I think you might be right that, in his mind, it is another instance of him being bottom of the pecking order when he does so much for us. And I do feel bad that he thinks that, I really do...

But wear a flipping jumper!!!

OP posts:
HidingFromDD · 14/12/2024 22:55

SoloSofa24 · 14/12/2024 22:11

You seem to be married to a 12-year-old who refuses to listen to his mum when she says he needs to wear a coat.

I think your DH has experienced the consequences of his stupidity, and no, you should not have pandered to him. He was able to go and wait in a warm(er) car while the properly dressed members of the family enjoyed their event.

This. He sounds like my kids when they were teenagers. No I’m not wearing a coat followed by I’m cold can we go home. Actually, no you can’t. If you’re old enough to decide for yourself your old enough to deal with the consequences

DottyBaguette · 14/12/2024 22:57

What a cock

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:59

AGameOfPatience · 14/12/2024 22:52

Yes. It is all his fault. Whose fault does he think it is that he was freezing cold after actively refusing to wear anything warmer despite being advised to do so?!

Dollars to rubles he'd be pissed off if you told this story - however neutrally - to anyone he knows and respects. Because he knows fine well he's in the wrong and acting like an absolute tit. He just thinks he can get away with throwing his weight around and behaving this way towards his immediate family and is confidante doing so as long as it remains behind closed doors. Red flag.

I'm actually quite sad and angry for your children that they weren't allowed to go on the rides because of their dad's childish stupidity and sulk.

Show quote history

Don't worry, I took them on some rides before we left while he was sulking in the car! Thankfully there were some halfway round and some at the end!

OP posts:
Isatis · 14/12/2024 23:00

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:55

I think you might be right that, in his mind, it is another instance of him being bottom of the pecking order when he does so much for us. And I do feel bad that he thinks that, I really do...

But wear a flipping jumper!!!

Show quote history

No matter how sorry he feels for himself, surely he could work out for himself that this was no-one's fault but his?

If I make a misjudgement like that, which is not at all impossible, I reckon it's my fault so I can hardly grumble - let alone try to spoil everyone else's evening as a result.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/12/2024 23:03

I am almost certainly a lot older than you and therefore a lot more stroppy.

So..."I said it would be cold and wrapped the kids up warmly, I dressed warmly, you said 'it wont be that cold' and chose not to. Please explain how that is me putting you last" and then when he kicks off and tries to the do the permavictim bollocks "So you are pissed off that your poor choices led to poor consequences but you still think that your children should miss out and compensate you for that? Duly noted"

But I am a pissed off late middle aged bitch who wont take this shit anymore.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/12/2024 23:03

SleepToad · 14/12/2024 22:20

Sadly your husband has fallen for a new infectious disease affecting males from 6-80...the wear as little clothing as possible to prove yer hard syndrome. Usually manifests in the wearing of shorts all year round. But can spread to encompass the tee shirt only or vest top in the snow symptoms.

First believed to be reported in postmen and Newcastle United supporters.

Only treatment is to allow patients to get hypothermia and hopefully grow the fuck up

Mine's got the opposite syndrome. He's always wearing as many layers as possible and then complains he's too hot.

'Forecast says over 80 this afternoon, it's already warm, you're not going to need a coat, if you're really cold now (it's 69 F on the thermometer before 8am), just take a light jumper.

Puts on long sleeved t-shirt, shirt, jumper and jacket.

By 10.11am 'Oh, oh, it's really hot, I think we need to go home now'.

Knob.

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 23:05

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/12/2024 23:03

I am almost certainly a lot older than you and therefore a lot more stroppy.

So..."I said it would be cold and wrapped the kids up warmly, I dressed warmly, you said 'it wont be that cold' and chose not to. Please explain how that is me putting you last" and then when he kicks off and tries to the do the permavictim bollocks "So you are pissed off that your poor choices led to poor consequences but you still think that your children should miss out and compensate you for that? Duly noted"

But I am a pissed off late middle aged bitch who wont take this shit anymore.

You are a legend! I am literally going to memorise that and say it tomorrow if he's still being grumpy! Thank you!

OP posts:
VividJadeSquid · 14/12/2024 23:06

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:18

Oh gosh! Thank you all so much! I was starting to wonder if I was really in the wrong!

Apparently if it was any of the children or me that was cold we would have been quicker (I pointed out that if that was the case I would have taken full responsibility!) and it's just because he is always bottom of the line and no one cares about him that we were slow! He thinks his feelings just don't matter.

For context he is incredibly busy at work at the moment, very stressed and I'm tied up with work and DC a lot so don't have much time to do anything nice just for him.

Your night out was one of the nice things just for him. Many dream of having a family and being able to do things like that. He will enjoy his life if he realises these are the best days.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 14/12/2024 23:07

He's a selfish twat.

Pumpkintopf · 14/12/2024 23:08

Ffs. These things aren't cheap. Him being cold was HIS OWN FAULT! You even (although you shouldn't have to do so for a fellow adult) suggested he wear warmer clothing and he dismissed you.

He should have sucked up the discomfort (which was HIS OWN FAULT) and put in a brave face for the DC so everyone could enjoy the outing.

another1bitestheduck · 14/12/2024 23:08

EasterIssland · 14/12/2024 22:19

Apologies. I clicked on Aibu by mistake. Def ynbu

you can just click on YANBU and it will change your vote

OP he is being a complete muppet and should be ashamed of himself.
Firstly it is an OUTDOOR event in DECEMBER, a grown man shouldn't even need telling to wrap up warmly
Secondly even if he didn't think he would be cold he could have just taken another layer, either worn (easy to take off a jumper/coat/hat and carry it around) or left in the car just in case. I always have an old jumper/coat in the boot in case of breakdown/drink spillage or whatever anyway.
Thirdly even if he'd done none of those and was too cold to stay out, he should have just left to sit in the car with good grace, telling you to take as long as you needed. It's warm, presumably he had a phone to entertain himself, you wouldn't have been hours, it's hardly being banished to colditz.

But instead of taking any responsibility for himself he tried to first ruin his kids night and then blame you for not pandering to him! Absolutely pathetic.

Beesandhoney123 · 14/12/2024 23:10

The fact you felt the need to check his outfit before leaving the house is a shocker. Didn't he help the dc get wrapped up warm and set a good example?

The kids should have gone on the rides, not bustled along because their df likes to make it all about him.

Take them again, on your own and have a lovely time. Ps get him a hat and scarf for Christmas

hopelessmary · 14/12/2024 23:11

TheDowagerCountessofPembroke · 14/12/2024 22:19

So a grown man, a father no less, isn’t responsible enough to work out that putting a jumper on in December might be a good idea? Remind him that he is a grown up and needs to behave as such. Tell him to piss off and sit in the car.

Totally 🤣

Devilsmommy · 14/12/2024 23:11

SleepToad · 14/12/2024 22:20

Sadly your husband has fallen for a new infectious disease affecting males from 6-80...the wear as little clothing as possible to prove yer hard syndrome. Usually manifests in the wearing of shorts all year round. But can spread to encompass the tee shirt only or vest top in the snow symptoms.

First believed to be reported in postmen and Newcastle United supporters.

Only treatment is to allow patients to get hypothermia and hopefully grow the fuck up

Love this🤣🤣

needhelpwiththisplease · 14/12/2024 23:12

I would say he obviously didn't want to go and had no plans in being there long.
He sounds delightful

SemperIdem · 14/12/2024 23:12

He does realise he is not your Big Son and it isn’t your job to parent him, doesn’t he?

He’s a grown man who should be fully capable of dressing himself for the weather/soldiering on if a genuine error of judgement was made. It’s a bit chilly yes, but he wasn’t climbing Everest.

SensitivePetal · 14/12/2024 23:14

I had one of these ‘no one thinks about MEEEE’ types. Left him as people who can’t think beyond their own needs are poor partners.

You’re both working hard. Bet you any money you’re never whinging about no one putting poor little you first.

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 14/12/2024 23:14

Pigs would fly before my dh would admit to being cold if he wasn't dressed appropriately especially if l had said bring a coat/hat whatever!

He is an adult. Sounds like a prick.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/12/2024 23:16

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 23:05

You are a legend! I am literally going to memorise that and say it tomorrow if he's still being grumpy! Thank you!

Show quote history

You are welcome, but I would say that it seems you have married a stroppy teenager. Someone who will "do what I want!!!" but when it goes wrong, its your fault. So you treat him as a stroppy teenager. No rewards, no apologies, just [let him] deal with the consequences. He thinks you are his mum, so treat him as a child.

"You just dont care about me!!"
"Yes I do, but when you fuck up, thats on you. Its not my fault that you have made bad choices. I thought I was marrying an adult, not a child who needs guiding through basic life choices"

HideousKinky · 14/12/2024 23:18

My DH did something similarly daft during covid when we planned to go for a walk on a cold day and stop at a place that did nice coffee/lunch with a few well-spaced outside tables only. We had only been sitting for 20 minutes and I was just about to get another coffee when he starts complaining he's so cold....
He only had 2 layers on and I had 5! It was just lovely to be out and I felt annoyed he was making us hurry back because of inadequate clothing choices

RedOrangeSky · 14/12/2024 23:18

This reminds me of my partner. Says it's too cold to go outside. Which it is if all you wear is a t-shirt and jacket.