Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not leave early because he was cold

173 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:07

We went to a winter Illuminations event this evening and my DH just wore a t-shirt and jacket, despite my reminders that it was cold and we should all wrap up warm... Apparently it wasn't going to be that cold...

About 1/3 of the way round he starts saying he is cold (Quelle surprise!). We stopped for some food, as was the plan. He is now trying to hurry us all up saying how cold it is and that he didn't want to be stood around for ages. I was trying to get DC to eat faster but they are slow eaters. I didn't let them go on the fairground rides as that would have meant more standing around and tried to walk through as fast as possible. We stopped to take a picture at one bit (the first of the day!) and DH just walked off as it was too cold to stand about taking pictures. The last straw was when we stopped to watch the light show. DH just said I've had enough I'm off and went back to the car. I tried to enjoy the rest of the time with the DC and not let them realise anything was wrong.

My DH is now saying that he is disappointed and I should have taken his feelings and comfort more into consideration.

Am I being unreasonable for not just rushing through the rest to get back?

OP posts:
Feelingsad1987 · 15/12/2024 00:29

You are unreasonable for trying to rush them eating and not letting them go on rides. Not their fault your husband is a baby.

Nanny0gg · 15/12/2024 00:29

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:18

Oh gosh! Thank you all so much! I was starting to wonder if I was really in the wrong!

Apparently if it was any of the children or me that was cold we would have been quicker (I pointed out that if that was the case I would have taken full responsibility!) and it's just because he is always bottom of the line and no one cares about him that we were slow! He thinks his feelings just don't matter.

For context he is incredibly busy at work at the moment, very stressed and I'm tied up with work and DC a lot so don't have much time to do anything nice just for him.

I'd make him pay to take them again

What a twat

PurpleChrayn · 15/12/2024 00:36

Honestly, some men are utter fuckwits.

GCAcademic · 15/12/2024 00:45

I’m not surprised he’s stressed at work. It must be really difficult to hold down a job if you can’t even dress yourself.

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 00:53

Silly billy he is, hopefully he will listen to you next time

devilspawn · 15/12/2024 00:55

Blarn · 14/12/2024 22:19

My ten year old insisted she only needed a light rain jacket today as she has two jumpers and a tshirt on. It was cool but damp so felt cold but I let her make her own decision and hope she would learn for next time. She quietly admitted she was cold and should have worn a coat (we were only out half an hour, I knew she'd be OK!). But she stoically carried on, didn't complain as I'm sure she knew it was her fault. Your dh sounds like a ridiculous idiot. He should have admitted his mistake and put up with it or apologised and returned to the car telling you all to take your time.

Edited

two jumpers and a t shirt? was she going to a joey tribbiani competition?

WilfredsPies · 15/12/2024 00:56

Is he telling you that he can’t be trusted to dress himself properly and he needs you to treat him the same way you would treat one of your DC if they waltzed into the kitchen in a swimsuit and announced they were ready to go to an outside event in the middle of December? Without your supervision, will he be wearing a snowsuit to the beach in August? Or perhaps his gardening clothes to a meeting with his boss? Are you expected to supervise all of his decisions? Or just his wardrobe? Or does he not want you to actually treat him like a child, but just carry around a bag containing alternative clothes in case the ones he has selected for himself turn out to be unsuitable?

I wonder whether he manages to dress himself suitably for things he desperately wants to go to? Or is it just other people’s events he can’t be bothered with?

He needs to bloody grow up. He doesn’t get to ruin everyone else’s evening just because he’s made a silly decision and it’s bloody outrageous to think that everyone should jump in the car and go home simply to suit him.

Megirlan123 · 15/12/2024 01:05

Jesus, what a big baby.
next time leave him at home and go and enjoy yourselves x

Alalalala · 15/12/2024 01:07

He’s a selfish dumbass.

Topsyturvy78 · 15/12/2024 01:10

A family member of mine does this all the time. Then expects usually me to give up 1 of my layers. Me and DC wear a t-shirt hoodie as well as a coat. Sometimes take a waterproof if it's forecast for rain.

If their not cold they'll moan saying it's not as good as they thought and want to go back to accommodation. Why didn't he just go back and get a coat?

folkmore · 15/12/2024 01:11

I bet you got all of the children ready, didn’t you?

TofuTart · 15/12/2024 01:20

I'd have told him to shut up moaning and go sit in the car if he's cold

Renamed · 15/12/2024 01:24

YOU’RE NOT HIS MUM

GingersOwner26 · 15/12/2024 01:25

Stupid twat should have worn more clothes. That one was on him.

MerryMaker · 15/12/2024 01:36

He was punishing you OP.
You are busy with work and with sorting out Christmas and the children. He thinks you should be focusing on him. So decided to ruin a family day out to punish you.
This is very manipulative behaviour. You should be a team pulling together to give your kids a great Christmas. Instead he sacrificed his kids enjoyment, just so he could punish you.
Have a look at your life OP. Does he punish you other times if you do not put him first? Do you do most of the housework and childcare? And what about you? Does he do nice things for you?

CactusSammy · 15/12/2024 01:42

When I read the title of the thread, I thought surely you must be referring to a child.

It must be exhausting putting up with shit like this. You'd have been better off going with the kids by yourself.

snakeface · 15/12/2024 01:50

Rosebyanothername19 · 14/12/2024 22:18

Oh gosh! Thank you all so much! I was starting to wonder if I was really in the wrong!

Apparently if it was any of the children or me that was cold we would have been quicker (I pointed out that if that was the case I would have taken full responsibility!) and it's just because he is always bottom of the line and no one cares about him that we were slow! He thinks his feelings just don't matter.

For context he is incredibly busy at work at the moment, very stressed and I'm tied up with work and DC a lot so don't have much time to do anything nice just for him.

Don't make excuses for his inability to dress himself appropriately!
You sorted yourself and the kids. but this manchild is pouting cos you didn't sort him out too!
For context YOU are extremely busy at work and sorting DC (and I bet everything to do with Christmas from gifts to food to decorations, to nice trips out to see the lights) but his stress is worse than yours?
God give me strength. Where do these entitled selfish men come from?

crowsfeet57 · 15/12/2024 01:50

We spent a thoroughly miserable weekend in Dublin a few years ago because DH didn't listen when I told him it would be cold at the end of November and only took a thin jacket. This is a man who refuses to wear shorts or anything short sleeved and dresses for winter in summer!

LondonLawyer · 15/12/2024 02:01

SoloSofa24 · 14/12/2024 22:11

You seem to be married to a 12-year-old who refuses to listen to his mum when she says he needs to wear a coat.

I think your DH has experienced the consequences of his stupidity, and no, you should not have pandered to him. He was able to go and wait in a warm(er) car while the properly dressed members of the family enjoyed their event.

Yes, but in the case of a 12 yr old who was reminded it was December and still wouldn't wear a coat, I'd still think it was his problem, and he didn't get to spoil it for everyone else!
My 10 yr old was going for a walk with dogs with my sister a fortnight ago - it was not cold, but had rained, and clearly might rain again, 10 yr old didn't want to wear his coat. I told him he was free not to, but if it started raining none of Aunty, Granny, Grandad or Mum (the last being me) would be remotely interested in any whinging. It did start to rain before they got back, 10 yr old was damp, but he did no whinging and I put his jumper on a rack to dry.

Ger1atricMillennial · 15/12/2024 02:05

Nah this isnt about the cold. Any twat over the age of 10 knows that 3 hours outside will need a jumper and gloves and a scarf;

You say he is stressed, maybe he is a bit too overwhelmed at the moment and was searching for attention. Maybe go out without the kids for an afternoon and find out whats actually going on?

MerryMaker · 15/12/2024 02:14

@Ger1atricMillennial who spoils their kids day out to get attention? I think this is what he was doing, plus punishing the OP. But it is extremely manipulative and awful behaviour.

Petrasings · 15/12/2024 04:11

Absolutely ridiculous. You are not his mother! Being busy at work is not an excuse. It’s not fair to ruin it and rush it for the children.

Petrasings · 15/12/2024 04:12

My dad always did this. It’s attention seeking. He ruined every single special event without fail, deliberately.

User37482 · 15/12/2024 04:22

DH and I are both pretty busy, I do zero nice things for him except make him a coffee on a weekend morning. He doesn’t do anything for me either apart form run the odd errand. We don’t have time at the moment for that kind of thing and neither of us are babies.

I’ve definitely underdressed for the weather before, I just keep moving if I do that, yeah you are uncomfortable for a bit but I wouldn’t ruin a nice day out for my family because of it. Have you tried telling him he’s not a baby so he shouldn’t be behaving like this. God he sounds annoying.

showersandflowers · 15/12/2024 04:32

This sounds like something my DH would do but he'd probably shut up and pretend he was fine the first time I said "told you so!". He's the king of wearing shorts in winter then saying he's cold and I'm the queen of saying "you are wearing shorts in December...". That usually ends it.

He's a tool and should have just made light of it, do some jumping jacks or run circles around you. His problem, he needed to come up with a solution!