To break up over this? BIL hasn’t left after 5 years!!

[Elise89]

I’ve told DP that I am moving out and he thinks I am being unreasonable and is trying to change my mind. I won’t, but thought I’d ask for other peoples opinions.

I moved in with DP in summer 2019 after a year and half dating. Near Christmas 2019, he asked if his brother could come and stay with us for the holidays for a few weeks (brother lives abroad). I was really excited to meet him and was more than happy for him to spend the holidays with us.

The issue is, he never left! Obviously due to Covid he couldn’t get a flight for quite a while so I was sympathetic to begin with, but it’s coming up to 5 years now and it’s driving me crazy! I basically feel used by both of them, and I’ve tried speaking to my partner so many times, but nothing changes. He doesn’t contribute financially or help round the house. He’s literally sat on my sofa watching TV for 5 years! He did get a part time job after a year or so, and I’ve asked him to give me some money for food shopping and bills, but nothing. He’s able to afford pretty much whatever he wants while I can’t afford new glasses, new clothes etc as all my wages go on bills, travel to work, and food (partner pays the rent as he earns more and our area is expensive to rent).

I’ve had enough and have borrowed money from my parents to put down a deposit on my own little flat, so I’m moving out next week. However I’m getting constantly guilt tripped by DP saying that things will change, he loves me blah blah. Anyway, my mind is made up and I’m fed up of being taken the piss out of!

Inform the landlord asap and put it in wring that your ending your joint tenancy agreement.

Thank you, we did know that we would have to keep the property until the end of the tenancy and we’re not going to leave the house vacant without paying. I guess the issue would be if they don’t pay the rent I will still be liable until the tenancy ends?

Yes, exactly. And to be clear, you are both jointly and severally liable for the whole rent, so if your STBEx and brother move out and disappear so that your landlord can't locate them, the LL could come after you for the whole rent for the remaining tenancy.

I am so glad you made this decision!

Enjoy your lovely, new home!

Op you should speak to citizens advice regarding the tenancy. Is your partner likely to be a dixk about it and make problems or is he a reasonable person but just lazy and stuck with his brother? I would get your ducks in a row regarding the tenancy and bills asap before you go.

Well done you!
New year, new start!

As others have said - Well done and stay strong!

Bravo Op👏👏👏
Enjoy your new flat, and have a great Christmas🎅(even if you are working!)

100% move out and I'd also finish with your partner, he's been using you like a servant for himself and his brother and has let his brother ponce off of you.
Please end it with him and make 2025 a new start a better life what you deserve. X

Absolutely not. Wishing you strength OP

Thank you everyone, I will do as a past poster said and keep this chat and read it when I’m feeling weak

Assuming your tenancy is on a rolling periodic and not in a fixed term, then you just need to contact the LL and either give your one month's notice in writing OR ask for your name to be removed due to the relationship breakdown. If they won't remove your name, then you'll have to give notice, BUT that will end the tenancy for all of you. It's better for the LL to just remove your name, providing your EX passes affordability checks on his own, or with his brother together. To be honest, having the brother live there is likely breaching the AST terms as it is.

But basically, as long as it's not in a fixed term, you won't be liable as long as either your name is removed, or you give one month's notice.

you've only been unreasonable in tolerating the situation for so long.

I can't remember reading such a refreshing thread OP! You knew there was a major problem and you've already pretty much solved it!

Brava Bellissima, you have done well & I wish you happiness in your new home👏

You should have read all her posts. She does have a 12 month fixed term tenancy which doesn't end until the summer so, unfortunately, ending her tenancy isn't as straightforward as if she had a periodic or rolling tenancy. She will need the agreement of the LL and her STBEx to end the tenancy early and if either doesn't agree, she could be liable for the rent for the remainder of the fixed term. I've already advised her on this above and pasted a link to the appropriate Citizens Advice guidance.

If you don’t get your name taken off and he doesn’t pay the rent or moves out then yes you could end up paying for this flat as well.

Speak to your landlord and also citizen advice about how to get your name off.

Don’t give your ex partner or anyone your new address.

Well done ,op! Please don't ever wash some random man's pants ever again, you're WAY better than that.
Enjoy your new home 😍

Would it be useful to tell your landlord there will be two working adults in the flat. Maybe your BIL could take over your tenancy?

Good for you! Fly away.

Good luck in your new single life in your own little flat OP

Oh well done!
Don't let bf sneak his way into your lovely new place though!

100% the right decision, dump the chump and his freeloading brother!

Enjoy your freedom! 💃

He's had 5 years to change. Good luck in your new place. Don't tell your ex where your new place is. Also get everything out even if you have to get family and mates to get everything that's yours out. Then block his number. You deserve better.