sitting in costa coffee

[IveGotToGoToMeDads]

Went to costa coffee ordered drinks, sandwiches & cake. Myself & partner said we will eat in rather than take away. Place was full most seats were taken apart from a four seater table where some woman was sat. I asked if the seats on her table were taken and she said we can not sit on her table as she is with her DS.
In the end a chinese couple offered their seats and we eventually got a seat.
AIBU expecting a seat on womans table for me and my partner as no one was sat in them?

I’m 59….lived in the U.K. all my life….in the north….in the south…..never once been asked to table share…..I would absolutely say no …….it’s up to people to find a table before they order…..or go elsewhere…..that table is MY table from the moment I park my arse, to the moment I finish my coffee and stand up to leave……anyone who thinks different is fucking rude and entitled

Odd because I'm in my late 50s and I think I have only been asked about twice in my life.

What if somebody is ND/suffers from social anxiety, and is sitting out of the way? Should they let 1/2 people squeeze on to their small 50-75% occupied table, which would spoil their experience, and make them cut their visit short, esp if the people joining try to engage abit too much?
Some disabilities are hidden, if I was on a small table with my son, I would say no, but take the chairs by all means. Or if the person was elderly/trouble walking etc we would just let them sit there, and leave shortly after.
If people judge than they can f right off; it says more about them. I wouldn't want to spend the short time we are there calming down my dc who blurts out inappropriate things when he is uncomfortable, fidgets, and becomes different, cuddles into me.
We always sit out of the way in a corner for this reason, otherwise we wouldn't bother going in. The amount of people that judge as it is, we have that on a daily basis, so, do I want it here? No. I wouldn't ask to join the table of others. I could understand better if it was was big with chairs inbetween, you're at the other end, can angle chairs away, but a small table that is half occupied, no.
I would ask for chairs that are evidently unused though, if I was sitting at a table that didn't have enough for us.

Absolutely agree. Also 59 and lived in London/SE all my life and I’ve probably only been asked to table share 1/2 in my life and I politely refused.

Find a table before you order food or else go somewhere else. Plonking yourself down on someone’s table is absolutely entitled and rude.

Not saying any of that. Just saying it hardly ever happens and is therefore not ‘normal’. Did you read my post before flying off the handle? 🤷‍♀️

It was 2 people on a small 4 seater table, and 2 people wanted to join, so it was essentially filling the small table to the max. I don't think 2 on a 4 seater is unreasonable. The type of tables always have an extra seat squeezed on, so really sized better for 3 as well. It would feel abit cramped imo next to strangers, with drinks and cakes etc on it as well.

Not disagreeing with you, but not sure why you’ve quoted me here?

My position is that, generally, people like their own table and don’t want to or ask to share. Some circumstances might mean that sharing is the only option - and we should try to be polite and accommodating. @LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway was very upset when I said sharing or asking to share with strangers is highly unusual - though many on this thread agreed with me.

It was @LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway who was part of the quote, I was responding to, adding another point to yours, if that makes sense. Sorry, I was a bit confusing!

I suppose the usual/unusual is very bubble -based experience.

Lunch canteen at my office building? Quite common, everyone is there to eat, people are coming, leaving and joining tables all the time. If you want privacy/quiet time, you wouldn't go there at the first place.

The only coffee place/tourist restaurant at a walking path or on a mountain hike, especially in bad weather of any kind? Squeeze, everyone wants to sit and eat under the roof.

Motorest type of setting, when people stop for food on a way? Yes, try to find someone nearly finished.

Nice restaurant? Not.

No, I don’t. However, I don’t waste my time bothering with or complaining about people who do either. I have bigger things to worry about.

And yet we're both on mumsnet discussing this trivial issue 😂

You been getting this wrong your whole adult life my lovely, so I will educate you….what you do is look to see if there’s a table……bag the said table…..someone sit at said table whilst other person orders…..if you on your own then put coat or other item on table …..order food ….sit at table…..this is then YOUR table until you get up to leave……this is English etiquette in coffee shops…..no chance of a table, then jog on to the next coffee table…..any one asking to sit at a taken table is a rude and entitled an …… and can expect short shrift from the tables occupant, for their fucking bad manners

That’s not any etiquette- it’s like putting your towel in a sunbed before breakfast.
It’s just rude.

Ah it’s a slow Sunday afternoon 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I always tell my DC to get a spare table while I order the drinks. Why would I pay for drinks then have nowhere to sit? This is normal behaviour.

TBF if someone asks...
"do you mind if I sit here"
and you say yes as in you do mind you're just answer their question honestly.

Many a time when out with DH if there's no free tables in a coffee shop we'll continue having a nosey around the shops, or wherever we are until we come a cross somewhere that does have a table or just return after a while.

I very rarely go for coffee on my own where I'm sitting in, more of a need 5 minutes to myself senario, but If I did I'd probably not mind one person sharing but for me if a couple came and sat down and they sat chatting to each other as you do, I'd feel like I was intruding and feel rushed.

So for that reason I'd say no.

My lovely ...you are wrong. Manners are about other people.

The only people who can bag tables are those who clearly would be problematic to others standing in the queue. Lots of kids, stuff, mobility etc. It's polite to let others navigate the ordering whilst you sit.
Otherwise order stuff and then find a table.

It makes absolutely no sense to hog a table to wait whilst others have food and want to sit. Because if there's no seats there's no point in queuing. You effectively turn a rapid turnover cafe into restaurant. Which is fine as long as you don't complain about places being too full/ not being able to get a coffee etc.

🤣🤣🤣

Quite honestly, I don't care. I have mobility issues and can't stand for long periods of time.

I don't frequent coffee shops very often but I think it's selfish, rude and entitled to insist that people should stand so that one person can sit like Lady Muck on their own.

In all honesty I don't think it happens that often so I don't know why so many people are getting in a lather about it!

How patronising.

In all honesty I don't think it happens that often so I don't know why so many people are getting in a lather about it!

Erm, you’re the one who has posted several posts with sentences in all capitals

Yet you know it happens, so you choose a hotel that does allocated sun loungers, vets this properly (a one we went to, staff would collect them up after so long) or go to the beach. Right, or wrong you cannot change it. In Costa & co, we know people save seats. It isn't a surprise when going in at a busy time, getting drinks, cakes etc, that there may be a high risk that newsflash there could be nowhere to sit. If taking this risk, be prepared to go back to the counter and ask them to convert to take out, which they'll happily do.

Have you all seen that horrible video of that man completely intruding on those womens personal space on a public park bench, and refusing to move?
All the people on here who said they’d plonk themselves down regardless of what the person who was already sitting at that table before you said, well, you ARE that man.
Well done

What you said reminds me of the time when there was loads of empty seats on a bus. I sat in the side high up little seat at the front with glass infront of it,nearest the driver. I'm unsure if they still have them now. It was dark, and I was about 20, and this middle aged man sat right next to me, squeezing me in, I was so claustrophobic. It was awful, I think it was some sort of power trip, because he knew I wouldn't say anything.

😆😆😆

Only on MN

Thanks that made me laugh