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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sitting in costa coffee

728 replies

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 14/12/2024 15:26

Went to costa coffee ordered drinks, sandwiches & cake. Myself & partner said we will eat in rather than take away. Place was full most seats were taken apart from a four seater table where some woman was sat. I asked if the seats on her table were taken and she said we can not sit on her table as she is with her DS.
In the end a chinese couple offered their seats and we eventually got a seat.
AIBU expecting a seat on womans table for me and my partner as no one was sat in them?

OP posts:
SophiaRose91 · 15/12/2024 06:04

I go out to coffee shops with my DS a lot (not Costa because their cakes are awful 🥺, try Cafe Nero) and i think id be annoyed if someone just sat themselves down. If they asked, it may be different. Also, i find that a table becomes available in those kind of coffee shops every 2/3 mins so it shouldn't be a regular issue x hope this helps x

Ilovetowander · 15/12/2024 06:09

I think you were totally reasonable as there were two unused seats. To those who say find a seat first - this isn't possible if you have young children or are on your own. I like the actions of the person who complained as there was no seat and the staff found one and I think I will do that in future.

pestowithwalnuts · 15/12/2024 06:24

leia24 · 14/12/2024 15:47

I would not want a stranger to sit at my table. Would you go for a meal with a friend and have a stranger on your table? I find it so weird when people do want to sit down at my table.

It's like this in Waggamama.
I found it a bit odd when two strangers plonked themselves down next to me.

CookieMonster28 · 15/12/2024 06:28

Nolegusta · 14/12/2024 15:59

I would have asked you to please move as the table is occupied. How rude and entitled.

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Exactly, what is polite about saying hello and sitting down 🫣😂

Go away

OPsSockpuppet · 15/12/2024 07:46

This thread is a bit baffling.

Of course we should all be polite, and it’s nice if people feel able to share when space is tight - and I really liked @WearyAuldWumman ’s tale about Leningrad. But it’s certainly not normal to share tables in any sort of eatery in the UK. People are saying it’s perfectly usual- but it really isn’t! I think most people would be surprised if someone asked to share. I’m mid forties and it’s maybe happened to me twice in my whole life. People don’t generally like it.

greengreyblue · 15/12/2024 08:09

pestowithwalnuts · 15/12/2024 06:24

It's like this in Waggamama.
I found it a bit odd when two strangers plonked themselves down next to me.

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This is Wagamama’s seating policy, always has been. You queue and you get seated in a bench next to people. It was worse in the 90s when they first arrived in London, they didn’t even leave a gap. Now they do allow some space.

Manara · 15/12/2024 08:10

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CatVapour · 15/12/2024 08:34

greengreyblue · 15/12/2024 08:09

This is Wagamama’s seating policy, always has been. You queue and you get seated in a bench next to people. It was worse in the 90s when they first arrived in London, they didn’t even leave a gap. Now they do allow some space.

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Interestingly, ‘Wagamama’ means ‘selfish’ in Japanese. I wonder based on this thread which is more selfish: to sit down at someone else’s table, or to refuse someone to sit at your table?

greengreyblue · 15/12/2024 08:38

CatVapour · 15/12/2024 08:34

Interestingly, ‘Wagamama’ means ‘selfish’ in Japanese. I wonder based on this thread which is more selfish: to sit down at someone else’s table, or to refuse someone to sit at your table?

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Does it? 😂

Kitkat1523 · 15/12/2024 09:02

greengreyblue · 15/12/2024 08:09

This is Wagamama’s seating policy, always has been. You queue and you get seated in a bench next to people. It was worse in the 90s when they first arrived in London, they didn’t even leave a gap. Now they do allow some space.

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Ah but you know the score in wagamama…… it’s not the same at all in Costa

IsadoraQuagmire · 15/12/2024 09:33

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 14/12/2024 22:47

I have been in cafes/coffee shops alone, and have had people ask me if they can sit at my table - as there are no others free, and I say 'of course...' Because I am not entitled, and self centred, and so precious that I think I own the fucking table and no-one is 'allowed' to sit with me.

And, I have never EVER had the person/people trying to engage in conversation with me, because if they're alone, they're alone for the same reason as me - because they want half an hour to themselves to have a coffee and a read through their phone/read of a magazine. (And if they're with someone else, they want to chat to them.) These other people are NOT interested in having a conversation with a stranger, no matter how important and special that 'stranger' thinks they are. Wink

If someone is so precious and fragile that they can't bear someone in a public place speaking to them, (or GASP wanting to sit 2-3 feet away from them,) then I don't understand why they even go into a cafe alone. I am willing to bet that the amount of people trying to get them to chat is vanishingly small - if any at all. It never happens to me. Other than 'can I sit here please, I can't find another seat' the person/people says nothing else. As I said, other people don't want to chat either.

It is breathtakingly entitled and rude to say no to someone who wants to sit down when there is a seat at the table you're sitting at (and there is nowhere else to sit.) It's not YOUR table, you don't OWN it, and you have no right to dominate it. How rude!

If there was a seat (or more than one) available at a table, and that was the only table with free seats, and someone said I can't sit there, (when I asked politely) I would tell the staff. I am sure they would put them in their place, and tell them they don't own the table!

.

Edited

Exactly!

wombat15 · 15/12/2024 09:56

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 00:40

I don't know why you keep bleating on about "essential experiences" - what do you deem, "essential"?

You don't have to "impose" yourself either. You can ask, "do you mind if I sit here?", you can keep your distance from the other person and you can respect their privacy by not engaging them in conversation.

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I wouldn't want to pressurise anyone and make them feel uncomfortable.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:28

@OPsSockpuppet

It’s certainly not normal to share tables in any sort of eatery in the UK. People are saying it’s perfectly usual- but it really isn’t! I think most people would be surprised if someone asked to share. I’m mid forties and it’s maybe happened to me twice in my whole life. People don’t generally like it.

Wrong.

It's perfectly NORMAL for someone to ask if they can sit at a table with someone else, if there are no more seats/no where else to sit! Good grief! Do you think you are so important that you can occupy a table for 4 on your own, whilst another 1 to 3 people sit on the floor drinking their lattes and eating their cakes?

Breathtakingly selfish and entitled to the nth degree! Shock

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:29

EmmerdaleFan78 · 15/12/2024 05:18

Whenever I read threads like this I always think that most of what people are saying is a load of bullshit. I’ll always look for a spare table but am definitely in the camp that it’s fine to share if required. In Disney World last year, we shared a couple of times and are now FB friends with a family from Washington who we met in Epcot 🤷‍♀️

I would bet that most of the people grandly saying that they’d say ‘no’ to people wouldn’t in real life. You might be miffed but I bet you’d still let them.

It doesn’t take a lot to be nice and remember the following:

  • No-one is listening into your conversation. I’m far more interested in my life than yours 🤷‍♀️
  • If they do try to engage with you more than you’d like, it’s OK to just say you’d like some quiet time.

100% this! ^

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:30

EmmerdaleFan78 · 15/12/2024 05:22

The Police!! How did I miss that one?? People on here are batshit crazy sometimes all the time.

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😆

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:31

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😂 LMFAO!!!

wombat15 · 15/12/2024 10:40

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:28

@OPsSockpuppet

It’s certainly not normal to share tables in any sort of eatery in the UK. People are saying it’s perfectly usual- but it really isn’t! I think most people would be surprised if someone asked to share. I’m mid forties and it’s maybe happened to me twice in my whole life. People don’t generally like it.

Wrong.

It's perfectly NORMAL for someone to ask if they can sit at a table with someone else, if there are no more seats/no where else to sit! Good grief! Do you think you are so important that you can occupy a table for 4 on your own, whilst another 1 to 3 people sit on the floor drinking their lattes and eating their cakes?

Breathtakingly selfish and entitled to the nth degree! Shock

You think it normal because you do it. Most people don't.

ChristmasfoodisOverrated · 15/12/2024 10:44

SophiaRose91 · 15/12/2024 06:04

I go out to coffee shops with my DS a lot (not Costa because their cakes are awful 🥺, try Cafe Nero) and i think id be annoyed if someone just sat themselves down. If they asked, it may be different. Also, i find that a table becomes available in those kind of coffee shops every 2/3 mins so it shouldn't be a regular issue x hope this helps x

Their coffee is awful too. Our bean to cup coffee machine has been a game changer, get a seat every time!😂 Sorry off roading here, as you were...

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:46

wombat15 · 15/12/2024 10:40

You think it normal because you do it. Most people don't.

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Yes they do. Like I keep saying, if there are NO OTHER SEATS AVAILABLE, it's perfectly normal and OK to expect to sit on a table for 4 (with only 1 person at it, or maybe 2.) People will do this, and yes they do!

I can't believe I am actually having to explain this. Confused

Amazingly on the occasions I have done this, the person sitting on their own is fine with it, and I am fine with it if someone does it to me. And we never intrude into each others personal space - or conversation if they ARE with someone else. That's what it's like it the REAL WORLD, and not the parallel world of Mumsnet.

In real life, no-one minds someone sitting at the table they are at, (if there are no other seats/no free tables.)

.

wombat15 · 15/12/2024 10:49

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:46

Yes they do. Like I keep saying, if there are NO OTHER SEATS AVAILABLE, it's perfectly normal and OK to expect to sit on a table for 4 (with only 1 person at it, or maybe 2.) People will do this, and yes they do!

I can't believe I am actually having to explain this. Confused

Amazingly on the occasions I have done this, the person sitting on their own is fine with it, and I am fine with it if someone does it to me. And we never intrude into each others personal space - or conversation if they ARE with someone else. That's what it's like it the REAL WORLD, and not the parallel world of Mumsnet.

In real life, no-one minds someone sitting at the table they are at, (if there are no other seats/no free tables.)

.

Edited
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Do you know this because you frequently sit by yourself on a table for four or is it because you constantly sit at other people's tables and assume they are fine with it.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:50

wombat15 · 15/12/2024 10:49

Do you know this because you frequently sit by yourself on a table for four or is it because you constantly sit at other people's tables and assume they are fine with it.

Edited
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Yes occasionally, if there are no smaller tables. So what? It's not like I am going to refuse to let others sit next to me is it?! Wink

wombat15 · 15/12/2024 11:05

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:50

Yes occasionally, if there are no smaller tables. So what? It's not like I am going to refuse to let others sit next to me is it?! Wink

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I bet people rarely ask though.

ChristmasfoodisOverrated · 15/12/2024 11:06

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 10:50

Yes occasionally, if there are no smaller tables. So what? It's not like I am going to refuse to let others sit next to me is it?! Wink

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I think it was 2 people asking to join a 4 seater small table that was occupied by 2. I guess there is no guarantee that the people joining will keep themselves to themselves, or be thrilled about being told "we're trying to have quiet time" when trying to engage.
It depends on the set up. Turning two chairs away a bit is fine, but sitting as though you're part of the same group with no respect for privacy isn't okay.

Manara · 15/12/2024 11:06

Wordsmithery · 15/12/2024 03:07

I wonder if there was something in your tone that disinclined the customer from sharing with you. Your description of 'a... table where some woman was sat' sounds pretty dismissive of her. Most people would describe a stranger in this situation as a lady or another customer. Yes it's only words but words matter and they are revealing.

Yep the common theme of the people on this thread who plonk themselves down on other people’s tables is that they all sound rude. Not talking about those in Wagamama’s, Brussels or Leningrad 🤣

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 11:07

wombat15 · 15/12/2024 11:05

I bet people rarely ask though.

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Wrong.