Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

Massive thank you to those who gently told me I was over reacting and for those who agree with me. You've made me feel a bit more sane after reading the comments telling me I shouldn't have offered my very non-alcoholic father a glass of wine.

Oh and for the record, my mum has looked after her once before, in the day whilst I had a smear test. This isn't a regular occurrence and I don't ask them to babysit ever.

It may not bother you but as a fellow recovering alcoholic it would bother me 🤷🏻‍♀️

so makes your offer of wine when such limited
experience even odder

Hold on to fact you’re not unreasonable
They exhibited a lack of regard, overlooked a basic and put a toddler to bed in wet alcohol pj
Then,to compound things, when you reasonably tried to explore how this happened they don’t care and minimise your concerns

Their actions and response all indicative of carelessness and lack of regard

I wondered that

They aren't up to the job of babysitting, be glad nothing serious happened and don't leave them alone with her again.

Personally I wouldn't be drinking if I was looking after someone else's child (obviously different rules for looking after my own 🤣).

@DandySnail do you have it in for me or something?! What is with you?! My husband had a bottle of wine open, a specific type of wine which is my Dad's favourite, I thought it would be nice to offer him a glass as he doesn't drink often at home. Fgs, just get off this thread. You've had nothing to contribute other than shitty remarks.

i am the child of an alcoholic

and the thought of offering wine to one half of a couple who are about to have hours alone with my baby, and one half of said couple is an alcoholic who caused me untold misery as a result of alcohol for many years…. is, well, unfathomable to men. Throw in fact that this is the first time they’ve babysat at night….

i don’t have “it in for you”

but pointing out that you offering wine when it hasn’t been asked for or brought or even mentioned… given the horror you endured as a child as a result of alcohol is… well difficult for me to get my head around 🤷

How sober are you? How are you maintaining your sobriety? I don’t know any recovering alcoholic that has a problem with this once they’ve got a few months under their belt. Her Mum is three years sober, if this is still a problem for her she still has big problems.

I'm sorry you went through the same as a child but I'm not going to keep repeating myself, my father has never had a problem with alcohol and my mum is often around people drinking (they go and socialise with friends a lot) and it doesn't bother her. I'm not going to keep repeating myself

Wow. The posters trying to paint the OP as reasonable and suggesting she should be grateful they babysit for her have the most unbelievably low standards imaginable.

You are absolutely not over-reacting OP. It is completely unacceptable to let a baby go to sleep wet and covered in alcohol. I can't believe anyone is defending that. They don't babysit again.

OP, only you know what your mother is okay with. Just because it works for one person doesn't mean it would work for her. I don't see how people are saying you're to blame for this

I don’t have your history op, and no issues with alcohol in my family but I would hit the roof if my baby was put to bed in that state. It’s complete negligence! It makes me wonder what your parents were like towards you if they did not see anything wrong with this.

I wouldn’t say another word to them about this ever again, but my dc would never be left unsupervised again with them. Ever. I would find a mature and trusted babysitter in time with a web cam and just never ever ask them again. You also need to ensure she has safe guardians in the event something happens to you both.

They are not trustworthy op. I would be so sad too.

Haven't had a drink for 2 yrs. Attend AA. Have a sponsor. Very confident and happy in my sobriety but choose to not be around alcohol or anyone drinking it, if I can avoid it. I know many who are ok being around alcohol and many who make the same choices as me

They are probably getting older and more lax. My mum was the best mum but when she looked after my kids some things were a little strange. We came home once as my DD aged 1 was crying and wouldn't stop (my mum phoned all panicky). We left our night out and once home my DD was soaked through her babygrow from the nappy being put on so loosely and was upset. We just put it down to parents getting older and less capable.

Interesting. Best of luck to you.

Not a cat's chance in a microwave either of my parents would think it was ok to have a drink when they were in charge of their grandchildren.

Not changing her is ridiculous, why wouldn't they? There's no logic to any of it. It's just shit behaviour all round.

Thank you. Same to you ☺️

Why I don’t let my parents babysit. They were drunks when I was growing up and although mellowed with age, I still wouldn’t trust them around my children in the evening. It’s sad but necessary.

Your not wrong

Some of the responses on this thread are weird. Take the wine / alcoholic parent out of it, would any of you be ok with someone putting your child to bed wet and uncomfortable? Covered in water or coke or milk? Would you go to bed in wet, stinky and sticky pjs?? Probably not. I’m all for letting grandparents throw out the routine a bit when babysitting but I would expect them to keep my kids safe and comfortable at least.

YANBU. It all sounds very strange. They should have just messaged you if they couldn't find the clean clothes.

It seems very strange that as experienced parents themselves, they didn't go and find a clean babygrow rather than putting DD to sleep whilst wet. I'm trying to envisage the degree of spillage. Babies are small and enough to stain one foot plus an arm may not have involved very much wine. I can imagine them dabbing the stain with a bit of kitchen roll and deciding it wasn't that serious.
But of course she would be smelling of alcohol in the morning, which is very upsetting, and the stain would spread to the sleeping bag.
I agree with others that your degree of horror is directly linked to what you suffered as a child from your mother's drinking. The thought of it directly affecting DD must be very upsetting.

My father was the alcoholic. I never let either of my parents babysit my child. The 2nd parent let you grow up in a household with an alcoholic. They clearly lack good judgment. They shouldn’t be trusted to care for your child any more than the alcoholic parent.

the relationship with the alcoholic grandparent and the enabler needs to be supervised.