Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

@Mischance final word on this.

Your bar must be low if you considering not putting a child to bed in wet/dirty clothing as 'exacting standards.' My parents and in laws take care of my son at bedtime occasionally and wouldn't dream of doing this. And I wouldn't dream of specifying they don't, it's that basic.

This is just ridiculous.

I’m pretty chill and I’d be livid. I think your mum being an ex alcoholic is a bit of a red herring, they just aren’t fit to be babysitting.

I'm with you.

Agree with this.

having your own children as someone who was raised in an abusive home makes you relive all your trauma again from a different perspective.

you realise how much you mentally covered up, forgot, made excuses for and you get distressed and angry all over again.

i don’t know how much wine was spilt on her and possibly I could understand sending them to bed without a change if it was water or milk - but smelling of booze so that she’d wake up also smelling of alcohol etc? It required more grown up decision making than your parents are able to provide.

This
I'm pretty easy going too and support flexible rules/schedules but your parent's behaviour is completely unacceptable. What makes it worse is that you were given the excuse of them not knowing where the clean PJs were.
Take care OP, a lesson learnt

I think it's the excuse about not knowing where the PJs were that would piss me off the most actually.

Plus the fact that a glass of alcohol shouldn't have been within the toddler's reach. As I said above though, imagine if that had been a hot drink!

Surely you looked in on your daughter when you got home? Wouldn’t you have smelt it then when you gave her a goodnight kiss?

My dad was an alcoholic and I don’t drink so I can smell booze a mile off and I’m really surprised you didn’t notice it last night.

Dear god ..
Was that your childhood...
No your not overreacting

I thought that, too. I wouldn't have them babysitting again.

Surely you looked in on your daughter when you got home? Wouldn’t you have smelt it then when you gave her a goodnight kiss?

Not sure why people keep making this point.

Even if OP had gone into the room to give her baby a goodnight kiss (I personally wouldn't have done this, but my baby was a terrible sleeper) it doesn't change the fact that GP put baby to bed in the same clothing they had spilled a glass of wine on. Which is what this post is about.

Yanbu. Daft and unkind to put a baby to bed in wet pj. It’s minimal effort to change into clean pj. Astonishing they didn’t fix this
Don’t know where pj are. Open every drawer Til you find them
No biggie that he spilt the wine,accidental spillage happens
Biggie that they left a baby in wet alcohol soaked pj

You can't change what happened but you now know their standards are poor, they can't be trusted and they aren't really fit to look after a child.

Find a professional babysitter or someone who is competent. Don't leave her with them again.

Even if just water it's concerning as can't keep someone in wet clothes, especially a baby as they can get ill.

Wow.

Sorry to hear this. YNbu

I picked up on this too. I have experience of a parent and an in-law who have alcohol issues, to the point that we've never let our in-laws look after our children so I can empathise with how you feel OP. Equally I do feel this was just as much your father's doing as your mother's, they equally fell short on this occasion.

I think you might be over exaggerating the quantity. A bit of liquid on a pj is not being put to bed wet and dirty. If it had been milk would you have felt the same?

It would be the same.

I babysat my niece yesterday and she spilt milk down herself. It was probably only an ounce, but I changed her pyjamas because she would be uncomfortable. Would you sleep in wet and smelly pyjamas?

I agree with this. For all sorts of reasons there is a problem with them both being around alcohol. It doesn't sound like he's totally good around booze either if he is spilling it all over a child and can't forego for a short babysitting stint.

Milk,water,wine all wet.Putting a child to bed in wet pj is unacceptable.
Esp as clean dry clothes were near by

How old are they OP. My mother in law started going down hill in early 60s, could not look after the baby at all, couldnt work out how to make a bottle. Couldnt change rhe baby properly. She looked perfectly normal but was struggling with normal tasks and you could only tell if you were watching her trying to do them, she denied anything was wrong. A couple if years later she was diognosed with a degenerative brain disease. Im not saying its that but I would say that there could be something going on there if she cant thinknlocally or do simple tasks I would keep an eye out and not leave them in charge of the baby.

I see your point, and indeed it doesn't seem malicious. I guess my point of view is that you need to be able to trust and rely on 100% on the people who are going to do childcare for you, otherwise you won't be at peace to do anything, and for me, what the OP describe would make me doubt their ability to do childcare for a while until I can trust them again, so I'd be pretty pissed off. But I can see how we all have different lines in the sand.

(Also, I reread my previous answers and I come off as a tad triggered, don't I 😅 I'm a child of a recovered alcoholic too, with lots of alcoholism in my family and I've also been tea total a few years, so I guess this hit a sensitive bone for me 😳.)

Basically they couldn't be arsed changing her as it's too much trouble

Tells you everything you need to know

Would they have slept in clothes that they spilt wine all over??

Thought not

So why your daughter?

You should not have told your DF that he could drink wine while babysitting, especially given your DM's history. If you had not offered alcohol it would not have happened.
^

No way

If they have been offered to light t candles would they have set the house on fire??

Thanks everyone.

I'm just getting upset reading the comments more or less blaming me so I'll leave it there but to answer a few questions.

No I didn't go in and check on DD before we went to bed, she still has a cot bed camera so I always do a check on there before going to sleep myself even when myself or DH have put her to bed. I wouldn't disturb her, we are very lucky that she sleeps 7-7.

No glass of wine was spilt directly onto her whilst she was in the cot as there was none on her bedsheets, literally just the entire foot of her babygrow and one arm was all stained red so a substantial amount. She had a sleeping bag on and was on the side of the stained arm so I couldn't see this on camera when I checked her.

She has a habit (as many toddlers do) of grabbing things she shouldn't, obviously my DH and I are used to that so don't leave glasses etc at her level but can understand it's an easy mistake to make when you don't live with a toddler and I'm not angry about that, or even the fact that some was spilt on her. I laughed as she's a little pickle and like I said, has a habit of getting hold of things she shouldn't. I naturally assumed in my head that it was a tiny drop spilt on her (not a problem) or if it was more that they'd changed her.

My Dad is entitled to enjoy a glass of wine, once again, my Mum has never had a problem with anyone drinking around her. Not all alcoholics are the same, for some it would trigger, for her it doesn't.

For those that do not seem to understand, I wouldn't put my child to bed in wet clothes, of any sort I'd change them. Of course we have days out where she is covered in mud, wet, we got soaked at the park the other day. We got in the car, got home and changed into dry clothes. It's common sense.

Yes, I do think seeing my baby covered in the stuff that ruined my childhood has probably set me off. I've come along way through therapy and even counselling WITH my Mum. I'm very proud of her for being 3 years sober. I am angry at them both for not changing her to be clean and dry for bed and if when Mum answered the phone and said "I'm sorry, we couldn't find a spare babygrow but we are sorry" it would be a very different situation.