Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

It’s really quite a clear cut YANBU. The child was put to bed wet,no attempt to change into dry pj.. Dishearteningly, they didn’t seem that bothered

This is awful. There is no way my mum would have sent my daughter to bed in wine sodden clothes. I’m not surprised you are upset by this 🙁

of whom. the question was asked

although on checking, Ive no clue why this vexing troublesome question seemed to be addressed to you?

Please try and patch it up with your Mum - you have put so much into that aim that it would be a huge shame to mess that up because of a bit of a difference of judgement on one issue. Your DD came to no harm - it is not worth turning the clock back over.

And your mum needs to be able to look after your DD without feeling she is under scrutiny and open to criticism the whole time.

You need to play the long game here. You have retrieved so much of what was wrong in the past - hang on to that.

So disagree with this.
Raise your standards.

WTH!!!!!

I wonder if ops parents are on here! This is shocking.

Op’’s primary responsibility is to her child - her baby, not to her alcoholic mother.
The mother can not be trusted. Not because off her historic alcoholism but because of her inability to adequately care for a small child!

I'm on your side op. Well didn't they just do a complete replay of your childhood except reversed roles?

Your dad spilled the wine but your mum allows this and turns it on you for overreacting.

Your mum was the alcoholic and your dad allowed it and made excuses for her.

That would be the last time they looked after her if it was me and the very last thing I would be doing is calling them to smooth it over. Who doesn't notice a huge amount of RED wine on the baby's clothes. ? Even if it was a small spill, common sense would be to change the baby because of the smell??
Sounds like they couldn't be bothered to, with their pathetic excuse of not knowing where her clothes were. I wouldn't trust them again.

Oh nonsense. Nothing wrong with having a glass of wine while you babysit your grandkids.
🙄

did you not read the Op’s first post then -

plus! as the pyjamas were not peeled off to be changed then neither was that
poor child’s nappy

Yup this op.

Thinking this as well

I know you have explained it op and dad doesn't drink at home and bottle open etx

Just they were in charge of your child their grandaughter for a few hours and don't see the need to drink

And the fact they didn't change dd would enrage me as well

.

OP's mum was a terrible, neglectful, dangerous mum to OP during her childhood due to her alcoholism. She deserves credit for stopping drinking and staying clean for 3 years.

However, the person who needs to make up for what happened during OP's childhood is OP's mum, not OP. She neglected her daughter throughout her childhood and she neglected her grand-daughter by putting her to bed in a red wine soaked babygro, stinking of alcohol. To compound the issue, she refused to apologise and told OP that she was over-reacting.

OP's mum should be bending over backwards to not repeat any of the mistakes she made with OP with her grand-daughter.

Why on earth should OP need to allow her mum to look after her DD without feeling under scrutiny and criticism, when what happened deserved criticism and shouldn't ever happen again?

Your attitude is that because OP's mum was an absolutely shit mum to OP during her childhood, if she is a little bit shit as a grandmother, but not as bad as she was a mother that's OK, and she shouldn't be criticised.

OP should not allow her parents to babysit again, as they cannot be trusted and OP's mum needs to apologise to her.

I am sorry to say but a neglectful mother that prioritises alcohol over her own children, isn’t suddenly going to become grandmother of the year. She is what she is, with or without a drink in her.

Of course op is shocked because she had put her terrible childhood down to alcoholism, but actually her mother was neglectful, emotionally unavailable and checked out regardless, and that won’t change.

Ops deep upset is the realisation I imagine that they are never going to be any better. The alcohol was just one element, the problems run much deeper than that.

Patching it up with her mum does not necessarily mean allowing her to look after the child if the OP is not happy with that, but the OP has invested a lot in conjunction with her mum in mending fences - it would be a huge shame to lose all that now over an incident in which her child came to no harm at all.

Hmm I don't agree that smoking next to a child is worse than leaving a baby with alcohol on her actually. I mean couldn't she have ingested it somehow. Alcohol is easily as harmful as smoking.