A nasty card given to child

[Ssvic]

I just found a card tucked away in my daughter’s drawer. It says “no one likes you or cares about you”. She’s 9 years old. Schools have broken up so can’t talk to the teacher. I have the mums contact details as we are on class WhatsApp. I have never spoken to her. What would you do? Ignore and talk to school in January or send the mum a picture of the card? What would you do? I spoke to dd who got very quiet and said he’s naughty. I asked her if she would like me to tell the school
snd she said yes she’s never mentioned this boy before. Sorry for typos, my phone screen is not working properly

it needs to be dealt with in a timely manner.

I'd put it on the whats app group with two photos
one of the card fully open on the outside (as the parent who bought the cards it will know its their child) and one of the inside (they will recognise the handwriting).
Ask could anyone who recognises the card or writing please DM you and let you know so you can discuss / address it before the kids go back in Jan

The little shit that did it will have given cards to half the class and it will be obvious who it was to several people at a minimum.

In tandem i would also report to the school to cover bases. But i would not rely on them to deal with it.

Message the mum with a picture of the card. I'd want to know if my kids did something like this

eh?

this seems to suggest that some parents might find the message appropriate and... what? get offended that you complained about the perfectly acceptable message?

Since they have broken up already, i wouldn't want to let this fester over the holidays. So i would email a photo and short statement to the school as the first thing. But i would want to address this immediately too. I like the idea of the class WhatsApp better than contacting the mum directly.

Agree with people saying go to the school and not the parent. Going to the parent is never a good idea - too emotive. People are rarely rational and reasonable when it comes to their own children being accused of bullying.

Keep on it at the school until you know it’s being dealt with.

And also have some gentle questions for your DD to find out if this child is unkind to her in other ways.

Definitely school not parent!

I would contact the school so they are aware when they get back.

You don't know if the card really came from the boy.
You don't know what his parents are like and how they will react - either to you or their DS.

I would definitely contact the mother in this situation with a picture of the message so there can be no ambiguity.
Normally I am all for letting school deal with things but due to the unfortunate timing with school having broken up I wouldn't be able to leave it until January.
There is no way of telling what his mother's reaction will be but does it really matter? She will either apologise and deal with him or go on the defensive and try to convince you little Timmy is an angel, either way she will know what he's done.
I would also contact school about it as soon as possible and see what they plan to do about the situation.
I hope your daughter (and you!) are okay, it feels like a punch in the gut when something like this happens and it isn't easy to get over it.

I have had similar when my kids were small. I’d take a photo of it and message the mum “hi, this is xxx’s in yyy’s class’s mum. Sorry to get in touch out of the blue. When I was tidying xxx’s room I found this card yyy sent to her. Perhaps you could have a word with her about it?”

when I had similar the other mum was horrified and very apologetic

I understand normally school over parent but when you have such solid proof I'd do parent over school

And yes. contact school in January about the bullying.

I’d message the parent as I would want to know if I were his mother. Just politely, obviously. I’d say I found the card too.

Im my experience, schools are hopeless at handling these things, so I wouldn’t wait for them to sort it.

I would contact the school.

What country are you in @Ssvic, as it's very early for schools to break up for Christmas?

Copy the card and send to the school with the account your dd has given you. Put safeguarding/bullying in your title. There will be someone reading emails. If you leave it until January the school will say that memories have faded (true with this age group) and there is little they can do.

Do not contact the boy’s family.

Sometimes cards like this do the rounds in primary school. The boy may have received it from someone else and passed it on. Or as others have said, someone else may have signed this boys name on the card. You would have to be pretty dim to put your own name on the card. He might actually really like her and have sent it to get her to notice him. At this age you never know.

Class teacher will have a shrewd idea what is going on.

When similar happened to my DC, all my time, energy and focus was given to my DC in the hope that they experienced they were loved unconditionally and completely; so that future mean behaviour from people they were likely to encounter they could bat and back. And indeed they have!

💜🙋🏼‍♀️

And @ThatsNotMyTeen has the perfect way to go about it

My first instinct was to ask what your address is so I could send her a card which she actually deserves ... But then realised that might come across weird 🤣 then I go straight to mum rage even though my daughter's only 8 months I would probably end up doing what pp have said not to do 🤣 if there's no name on the card post it on the WhatsApp and ask if anyone else's child got one, if it's signed from jack, send it to jack's mum and contact the school as well. Lots of love and hugs for your daughter and I hope you all have a lovely Christmas together x

I wouldn’t go down the WhatsApp route but would email the school- I suspect someone would pick it up even if the school has closed. As another poster has said, the card isn’t necessarily from the child who has signed it.

I'd definitely contact the mum.

One mean card is not bullying!
There is a whole process to go down with bullying- contracts and parent meetings etc.
The definition of bullying is
Repeated.
On purpose.
with a power difference.

School issue.

Both, highly unlikely the school will do anything until January so I'd also be messaging the parent - make the school aware of that also. My son was bullied with notes like this and hid them, still makes my blood boil 5 years on and he's moved schools now and very happy. I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter 😞

I would speak to the parent and keep an eye, if other stuff happens speak to the school

Definitely speak to the mum so she's aware.
If it was my child who had sent a card with a nasty message then I would want to know.

Do not go to the parent. Always deal with the school.

Contact the school before Christmas. Email the office, rather than individual members of staff, marking your message as for the attention of the headteacher and class teacher - someone will be monitoring emails and staff may be in work early next week.

Ask that the headteacher investigates and gets back to you with regard to how they are going to ensure that your daughter is safe from further similar incidents in school. Don’t ask about the other child or request specific punishments etc.

If you don’t hear back by first day of next term, make an appointment to speak to the headteacher. If you get nowhere with that then get a copy of the school complaints procedure and follow the steps in that, in the order they are given.

If you become aware that other children have had similar, their parents should follow the same process but separate from you. Two or more complaints carries more weight that one with lots of other parents and their involvement distracts from your primary focus, your daughter.

It doesn't excuse the behaviour, but a child that seeks to remove from others what they don’t have themselves, ie happiness and friendship, needs help themselves, and the school is best placed to deal with that.