A nasty card given to child

[Ssvic]

I just found a card tucked away in my daughter’s drawer. It says “no one likes you or cares about you”. She’s 9 years old. Schools have broken up so can’t talk to the teacher. I have the mums contact details as we are on class WhatsApp. I have never spoken to her. What would you do? Ignore and talk to school in January or send the mum a picture of the card? What would you do? I spoke to dd who got very quiet and said he’s naughty. I asked her if she would like me to tell the school
snd she said yes she’s never mentioned this boy before. Sorry for typos, my phone screen is not working properly

Definitely not on class WhatsApp or contacting the boy’s parents directly. Tell the school and ask them how they are going to deal with it.
Give your daughter lots of love! Any nice friends she could see during the holiday?

That would be the worst thing to do. Honestly advice like that is just wrong. OP speak to the school, as other posters have advised.

Phone the school first thing on Monday.
let them deal with this. And let your DD know that you will sort this out.
Hopefully this can be addressed asap and not left till after Christmas.

Definitely school.

OMG - this brought back memories for me as almost exactly the same thing happened to me when I was about 11 in my first year at secondary school. In my case it was sent by a boy I fancied and there had been a bit of the usual banter in the classroom to that effect (not started by me I should add as I was mortified!) and that was his reaction to it.

I can still remember how horrible it felt to receive it. I agree with others that you should wrap your child in love and care over this. Definitely time to love bomb and spoil her.

I would speak to the school when they go back too but double check with your child just before term starts that she still wants you to do so as her feelings may change when she’s put some time and distance between the shock of receiving this and she may want you to handle it in a different way. She needs some agency here I think.

The guy who sent me mine came up on Facebook recently as a suggested friend and I was secretly thrilled to see he’s now a balding, plump decidedly ordinary looking middle aged man who has never made much of himself in life. Glad my early infatuation came to such a screeching halt as he definitely would not have been a catch!

School not parent. Reassure and comfort your daughter .
School can deal with this in January

I'd contact the parent. My DD had issues with bullying in primary school. Got no where speaking to teachers. I politley went directly to the parents and it stopped.

This.

If you go straight to the mum then she has time to prepare a defence.

There are only two possible reasons for that boy’s behaviour. Bullying little shits have usually fallen not far from the tree. Or, worse still, he’s repeating something that’s been said to him at home - and it is a particularly cutting remark. Either way the mother is going to be no help.

You sound a lovely mum, your DD is fortunate to have you.

Contact the school now, today. Don't wait until next term. The children and teaching staff may be on holiday, but the office staff, Head team and Safeguarding team will stop be at work on Monday.

Look on the school website and email the DSL.

And tell your dd that you have done so - let her know you support her.

Personally I would text the parent. Friendly and polite but absolutely let them know because chances are the school won't tell her!

we cant know the mother's reaction,
we should assume she would be just as devastated

...will still be at work on Monday.

I think it is worth considering that this might not be targeted specifically at your daughter. It is very possible this boy has sent insulting messages to most of the class - I think it would okay to post on the class WhatsApp that parent should check their childs cards because your daughter has received a very unpleasant message which you will be asking the school to act upon in January.

As you say, we can't know the Mothers reaction. No one should assume anything, and let the school deal with the issue.

Don't do this ......

Speak to the mother directly ssy your child has recieved this sbc shes very upset by ot. Please could she have a word with her child

I would get right on this with the school (there should still be someone there) and let the parent know you've done so. This is really concerning and it's bullying.

do they have a long holiday?
they are breaking up very early

Be aware the card may not be from the child whose name is signed on the card.

I think this is great advice and love this outcome for you @Katrinawaves 😂

You do need to email school.
However, 2 things, first if it is a primary school most likely the office staff will be term time only and not monitoring the email. So will not be dealt with until January.
Secondly, if it is just this one occasion it is not bullying. It is unkind behaviour- there is a difference and they will be dealt with accordingly.
I’m a teacher and I would not do a thing about this until January (including not replying in my holiday) but I would prefer the email to be in my inbox so I was aware before the start of term.

I’d contact the parents now. If my DC had done this I would want to know.

i would also contact the school in January.

I think this is an important reason for not contacting parents directly.

You should also remember that notes in Christmas cards might be faked. Children pretend to be other children in order to get them in trouble.

So if you message, do it to the group, not the individual parent. But I would recommend sending an email to school now, with a photo of the card attached, and then ignoring the card. In January, take a view of how much DD wants you to pursue it

Really good point, and another reason why the OP should never approach the parent of the boy.